Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Is it ok to take time off work for a miscarriage?

55 replies

confuseddotcomma · 13/05/2021 19:53

I've had two miscarriages before. Both times it started at work and it was pretty obvious what was happening. I'm an mhs shift worker, if you leave in the middle of your shift the work doesn't get done, so I just got my teeth and got on with it for the rest of the shift.
I'm now having another miscarriage. I'm due ont tomorrow for a long day. I know I am physically capable of working while miscarrying because I've done it before... But I'm so so sad and all I want to do is curl up on bed and cry. Would I be ridiculous to take some time off work?

OP posts:

AlwaysLatte · 13/05/2021 20:11

So sorry to hear that you've had this happen yet again. Please take the time off for yourself.
I had two miscarriages between my children and had shots to help the baby stick the last time - it worked. When you're ready to try again do look into it, but in the meantime please look after yourself.

WirKindervomBahnhofZoo · 13/05/2021 20:12

Cherrycee · 13/05/2021 20:12

You should absolutely take time off, more than a day too. My friend took 4 weeks when it happened to her.

I'm sorry you're going through this, take care of yourself.

user1927462849194729 · 13/05/2021 20:12

@confuseddotcomma

Thank you everyone. I think I'm just so stuck knowing that if I don't go in the shift will be that much harder for my colleagues and I hate putting anyone in that position. Last time I miscarried I was only 8 weeks along and I mentioned it to a colleague and she basically said I had no right to be upset as I was barely pregnant. I know it's a lot worse for people who are further on but it really hurt and made me think I was being a bit pathetic.

Even if people around you aren't offering the compassion you need, you can still extend it to yourself.

Take care of yourself and take the time you need.

sqirrelfriends · 13/05/2021 20:12

I'm so sorry OP, yes you should have time off.

Also, I will add that your friend is a dick.

frazzledasarock · 13/05/2021 20:15

Please get signed off from work.

I ended up taking four weeks off with my MMC. I had complications but I was mentally not able to function I kept randomly bursting into tears and was in no fit state to work.

Take time off you need to grieve and recover.

I’m so deeply sorry for your loss.

Cherrycee · 13/05/2021 20:16

Also OP, your colleague is an absolute fucking witch. What an appalling thing to say. I guarantee you there are very few people who think like her. That's the kind of comment you could report to management, it has clearly had an impact on your wellbeing.

frazzledasarock · 13/05/2021 20:17

My MMC occurred at 8 weeks discovered at ten weeks, and I was very unwell and most certainly new I was losing my desperately wanted and much loved baby.

I was utterly out of my mind with grief and physically very unwell.

You’re friends a bitch, with friends like her who needs enemies.

Sidesaladofchips · 13/05/2021 20:17

I'm so sorry OP. Please take the day off, I'd even suggest taking the week off or however long you need to heal physically and mentally. Your HR department will back you on this, even if your line manager does not.

TitsOot4Xmas · 13/05/2021 20:19

@snowdropsandcrocuses

It’s what my very first boss (male) used to say to me (16 years old). Reminds me never to stop challenging sexism.

SaskiaRembrandt · 13/05/2021 20:20

Your colleague is an assbutt. Take some time off, you need that time to recover physically and emotionally.

I'm sorry this has happened

Cindersrellie · 13/05/2021 20:21

Taking time off now is the right thing to do

snowdropsandcrocuses · 13/05/2021 20:22

@TitsOot4Xmas now that's a good reason! My first boss never said good morning. He used to say 'coffee' and I was expected to make it. I still bristle now if someone tells me to make them a drink. I will offer happily but it grips my shit to be treated with such disrespect otherwise.

Cindersrellie · 13/05/2021 20:22

@confuseddotcomma

Oh bless you. I wouldn't mind at all having a harder shift myself if my colleague had to take time off for this reason. Wouldn't you do the same for someone you work with

YessicaHaircut · 13/05/2021 20:28

I’m so sorry OP

Your colleague is an arse.

Please take as much time off as you need to recover both physically and emotionally. As someone who has been there too, give yourself some time to heal. Sending a hug.

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 20:30

I'm so sorry you're experiencing another miscarriage. I've been there, it is physically and mentally draining. I was 10 weeks and I would never have been able to work through it. I was bleeding so badly and contracting. It felt like labour.
I had a very understanding boss which helped.

Don't worry about anyone else. You are priority right now. Sending you lots of love.

Ladybirdkiss · 13/05/2021 20:33

Having had three mcs at 8 weeks , I’m so shocked that a colleague said that to you. Someone who actually works in the NHS. Just wow. There’s no timescale on pregnancy, as anyone who’s had a mc knows - from the moment you are pregnant you bond and feel hope for that future person. When that is snatched away, it’s a bereavement.
I would have let rip at that colleague! I can only imagine she has no experience of it and is totally clueless but what a thing to same to someone.
I have had many weeks off for mine. I can’t believe you are even thinking of working. Please rest and look after yourself and take the time off. If you don’t, it may all hit you at a later date because you aren’t physically and mentally giving yourself time to heal now. Sod work, they will find a way to cover you. I’m sure you have covered others before. I’m sorry this is happening to you again.
I haven’t been successful yet but it’s important to undertake testing to understand recurrent mc. Let me know if you want any more info on these

Twinkie01 · 13/05/2021 20:35

Take the day off, HR will understand. I'd also mention the previous comment to HR, attitudes like that need to be addressed, especially in the caring profession.

idontlikealdi · 13/05/2021 20:37

Work told me to take two weeks off, longer if I wanted to. Of course it's not ridiculous

Metallicalover · 13/05/2021 20:39

So sorry OP.
I'm an nhs shift worker as well. And like yourself you feel so guilty when your physically able! But you need to look after yourself.
I went to work straight after I found out my IVF failed. It was nights and I didn't want to leave them short. They were the worst set of nights ever and I basically cried all the way there, all the way back and kept my tears in throughout my shift. I shouldn't have went in!
Take care of yourself OP xx

Jellycatspyjamas · 13/05/2021 20:47

I’m so sorry for your loss.

You work in a caring profession, you need to take care of yourself if you’re to be able to care for others - take the time that you need, I’d suggest a day isn’t nearly enough.

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 13/05/2021 20:54

Oh my word take all the time you need. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. Work should be the last thing on your mind.

Emilou89 · 13/05/2021 21:13

Bloody hell this is awful. I'm so sorry OP you really do not deserve to be going through this. I have no idea how you managed to get through your shifts previously. You are incredibly strong. However you really need to look after yourself too. Completing a shift whilst going through a miscarriage must have been horrendous but for your own sake have some time out, it must take a toll on your mental health and then how can you give 100% to your job. Your colleague sounds like a right twat. Please take care of yourself and just take some time off for you. Sending you lots of well wishes I am so sorry.

Fitforforty · 13/05/2021 21:40

I’m sorry you are going through this. I’ve had two miscarriages around the same number of weeks, the first I could have physical worked through but not emotionally the second one I was emotionally fine but spent many hours at a time stuck on the toilet due to the severity of my bleeding.

freddiethegreat · 13/05/2021 21:48

I have covered a colleague after a mc. She took 3 weeks. I would have gladly gone on longer, she was - & you are - entitled to as long as you need to grieve.

Flip

1 2 3