Working with someone who emails me CONSTANTLY - tips needed!

[Tinselandlights]

I am working on a small team, all from home at the moment. We have been together for 11 months, all new to the company. I think this is a wfh issue at its heart.

One of the team is incredibly prolific with his work-based email. Never says please or thank you, but he isn't rude per se, just very direct and a bit socially unaware. He isn't bad at his job but is very overwhelmed, partly because he doesn't prioritise. I'm head of my department, he is a similar age but more junior.

At first I dropped hints, then said 'I'm getting too many emails from you, please cut it down' to now, where I've sorted his emails into their own folder to respond to twice a day because there are so many - upwards of 20 a day, so 100+ a week. We have a half-hour team meeting together every day too but he never asks any of his questions then.

I've spoken to his line manager but it doesn't seem to be reducing in volume despite her supporting me and speaking to him. I'm going to speak to her again. How can I stop getting annoyed by it all?

All top tips for not getting irritated by annoying emails gratefully received!

just ignore the nonsense emails and respond to anything important. It's that simple. The penny will soon drop that sending a barrage of emails isn't working.

I would suggest to him that he collates any issues he wishes to raise and puts them all in one email at the end of the day, unless urgent.

@Neonprint

I agree with putting it back on the line manager. Not sure how you have approached it previously but you need to meet with her and discuss this rather than just emailing her.

I think his tone and approach are also a potential concern if he's working with external people. How does that make you look? But also it's shit for other people internally if he's this blunt and annoying with them too. He could potentially be damaging the moral of the whole team.

It does also sound like a skill issue here to with not being able to prioritise and manage multiple things at once. I'd also ay not being able to communicate in a polite manner is a pretty significant skill deficit too.

Totally agree with that. If he is like this with someone senior to him, imagine what he's like with anyone junior. He's probably wiping 50% off his team's productivity!

It's not for the OP to find a different way of managing his emails. The problem is him, not her. He needs to stop.

None of those examples required a response. Maybe an acknowledgement for his thoughts about the product presentation.

I would not be arranging daily meetings with him. That will only inflate his sense of self-importance and feed his idea that you need him to direct your work.

I would feed back to his LM, both about the volume and the inappropriateness of the tone.

@Tinselandlights

Training is a really good suggestion *@BoyTree*.

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat they are just scattergun emails, fired off as he thinks of them.

I am in charge of publicity and marketing for our company and he does product development.

For examples of the emails, today I did a Zoom presentation with an external speaker in front of 30 other staff, about his product, and he fed back with about five pointers for how I could approach it differently - not actually unhelpful in itself but there was no shit sandwich to give me a bit of praise so I felt a bit deflated.

Then he asked if I could get a slot on Desert Island Discs for someone we work with (so just a bit ridiculous).

In another, someone asked me for something, and he was copied in, so he followed it up with another email that said 'are you ok to do that @tinsel?'

Then he'd made a mistake so he emailed everyone to let them know.

It carried on like that. None of it in itself is a massive issue but it's just so constant.

Oh god, I'd never have time to reply to stuff like that. Never mind him saving the points up, I'd just totally ignore him and delete the emails, and tell him to do his job and stop bothering me.

We had one of these where I worked. One of his reports actually had a breakdown. Most of us had email rules to deal with his incoming messages. The question is: if this colleague is sending this many emails, is he actually doing a job? Or is he out of his depth and just tapping away all day to look like he's doing something? Does he have anxiety issues?

The tone of his emails seems like he doesn't see you as his managers manager.
Bit you also don't sound like you act like one. Someone suggested training on here and you said thank for the suggestion as if that hadn't crossed your mind?? That's the first thing managers tend to think about!

To me, you need to start throwing some assertiveness around. He sounds incredibly annoying!

@PanamaPattie

You are the head of the department - redirect all his emails for his line manager to sort out.

Yes, this. Get his manager to find a solution. That's your job to direct.

Also, good point from a PP on sexism. Is he as quick to spam male colleagues?

Im too busy laughing at how the scenario would pan out with my head of dept!! She very rarely gets cc'd on our daily emails as such!! He needs to be told to not include you and to deal with his concerns via his line manager.

It sounds like he's using email like chat. My son does this he has aspergers and wouldn't even think it was an issue. If your colleague was in the office he would probably just ask you, would that annoy you so much? But you can't when working from home can you
We use "slack" for this purpose. Quick fire questions we answer as and when
I think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed by interruptions as that's part of working life?

I think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed by interruptions as that's part of working life? No, really, it's not the same thing. You get sensitised to the point where seeing the persons name in your inbox sends your blood pressure through the roof.

I think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed by interruptions as that's part of working life?

Totally disagree. I'm at work to do my job, not to act as a sounding board for an intellectually incontinent colleague.

Just tell him to stop or tell his LM to tell him to stop.

20 emails a day is insane. I would not respond to any unless they’re totally essential. My boss is similar, think wall of text every time, tho, none of it being urgent. If I don’t respond, she stops harassing me. If I do respond, it’s a vicious circle.

Watching with interest, as I have a colleague who does exactly the same, except it's via Teams...

Surely what he should be doing with his 'brilliant ideas' and 'helpful feedback' is taking them to meetings with his team / line manager. They can decide if they are truly brilliant or helpful enough to pass on to you, through whatever regular channels you use.

Does his boss even agree with his feedback about your presentation? Surely you were presenting the agreed message about that product. You can't have multiple junior people individually directing the firm's marketing strategy!

I've certainly met that type though. People who think they're so right about their individual area of work, which is so much more important than anyone else understands, that they'll try to circumvent all systems and hierarchies and to direct senior specialist colleagues' (my) work.

They were always astounded and affronted when I pointed out it was their own director they needed to convince and that I worked for the directors, not at their individual direction.

It's a tricky balance though, when you do also need a direct relationship with the junior specialist, who is the expert on their product.

What he needs to understand, if your set-up is anything like mine used to be, is that you might be in a position to promote his product / point of view to your senior colleagues but are only likely to do this if he gets you on side by cultivating a good, productive relationship with you. Achieved by being helpful, constructive and respectful, not by barracking and bombarding you.

I go to his line manager and say all of his emails need to go through them before you. Then tell him he is to email his line manager and not you, but his emails will be passed on if deemed appropriate.

It sounds like it’s a training issue and it’s his line manager who needs to be aware of what helps he needs.

Sounds to me as if he is possibly insecure and overwhelmed (and not coping with the workload and prioritisation as outlined in the OP) and as a result is either seeking constant validation and/or subtly trying to undermine you. Hence the “helpful” feedback about your presentation (massively inappropriate). And the “are you ok to do that tinsel?” comment reads, to me, like a classic attempt to undermine. It’s the sort of comment a manager might make to a junior, not one a junior makes to the manager!

Either way, I agree it needs batting back to his line manager.

I sympathise, my boss fires off stream of thought emails - usually late at night. She’s lovely generally and doesn’t expect a reply then but it just stresses me out!

Sounds to me as if he is possibly insecure and overwhelmed

It could certainly be that. Maybe he just finds it incredibly weird working at home, without the bench-marking and feedback you get when co-located with your team.

Then again, he may be one of those men who think that women exist to validate their ideas, and that women's time is not as valuable as men's.

Either way, his line manager needs to sort him out.

Thanks all. It's interesting to hear the responses, and those who know how annoying/stressful it is to have DJ many emails. I appreciate those who realise that working relationships are nuanced and have many grey areas.

I do head up my department, but he is also an expert in his field, so he is someone I have to work with almost daily. Any annoyance is definitely on my side as he seems oblivious. So getting annoyed is just going to make it worse.

@supadupapupascupa the autistic spectrum did cross my mind, I have a friend with Aspergers and an autistic cousin, and some of the behaviours are similar.

@Stakhanovite he does have anxiety issues, and has definitely struggled with depression as he has been open about it. I do have some sympathy as I have also had bouts of depression and anxiety, but I think the sympathy is making me walk on pins to try to address it, which doesn't help anyone - being assertive really gets his back up as he always seems so surprised.

To those saying he wouldn't treat men like this - I have seen numerous emails where he has emailed company directors (make and female( asking for updates on how they are doing their jobs. The responses range from 'wtf?' To patient but it is not exactly building good relationships.

We are a remote team with dreadful email traffic, incoming to us. It needs prioritising and allocating otherwise we’ll duplicate, and also end up sending inordinate amounts of email traffic to each other.

We do use Teams chat for this effectively. It has cut down massively on our emails. We also have a quick 20 mins each morning just to sort out the day between us and bounce ideas (also comms)

That said, it doesn’t sound like any of that is effective for him. And teams would be dreadful. If this was me, I’d honestly forward all to his line manager. And reply once in one email back to him at the end of the day.

The tips have been reallly helpful - I'm trying a variety and have asked him to gather together his mad ideas to a single weekly meeting with others in the company too so they can be discussed rather than just fired out.

being assertive really gets his back up as he always seems so surprised

He just sounds like an arse to me, anxiety or not.

Your job is to protect the rest of your team, not to walk on eggshells around him. Have you taken steps to find out whether he is doing this to his peers and juniors, and how it might be affecting them? Think of the message you are sending them by failing to act.

Curious to know what age group he's in, OP? Is he earlyish in his career or is he old school?