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Original poster

What would your employer do to remember a death in service?

28 replies

NewMatress · 13/05/2021 16:35

We've very sadly lost a colleague. No funeral arrangements as yet, we only heard about the death this week.

Staff are bombarding boss with demands of what we should do. E.g we should close for the funeral, we should have a balloon release, pay for a commemorative plaque in a public place etc etc.

Boss has said yes, we absolutely will do something, but let's wait and see what the family want. Boss has put a call out to family but isn't going to chase them up at present. We will arrange for people to go to the funeral, if that's what the family want, we will arrange a memorial if wanted, but they might have a charity they'd prefer to support. Absolutely no balloons, bad for wildlife and she loved her animals.

Staff have interpreted this as boss doesn't care and they're not allowed to pay their respects. Confused

I wouldn't have her job for all the tea....

Isn't it usual to have the funeral before these kinds of thing are arranged anyway?

OP posts:
Astronaut8 · 13/05/2021 16:52

The family of the colleague we lost wanted money to a charity. This was organised after the funeral.

People need to lay off your boss, the family will be in no rush to deal with that whilst trying to organise a funeral and grieve.

Orangedaisy · 13/05/2021 16:53

Agree with pp. maybe start a book of remembrance now so people can write down their feelings.

PatchworkElmer · 13/05/2021 16:55

We did a series of fundraising events for a charity the family chose over the course of a year. And hold a charity day in his name every year too. Funeral was pre-covid so numbers weren’t restricted and lots did go.

AlCalavicci · 13/05/2021 16:57

I think a lot of it depends on the size and type of company, if it's a type of company where everybody's families knows everyone then yes I would say it would be nice to do something however is nobody knows anybody else I'd work then out perhaps just send a small wreath or charity donation to to whomever you think she would support. But your colleagues really need to back off from your boss this is not something the family would want to deal with right now.

I would also try and make sure your colleagues don't go directly to the family the last in the family going to want it lots of lots of different enquiries from people they hardly know

FaceyRomford · 13/05/2021 18:02

On the two occasions I have been involved with deaths like this, both firms said nothing would be done until they had learnt what the family's wishes were. I think your boss is giving exactly the right answer. This is not about the people who are complaining it is (or should be) a mark of respect and sympathy.

MisContrued · 13/05/2021 18:13

Surely you arrange flowers from the company and send them, thats easy to do. Delegate that to someone. You can hardly offend with flowers.

A remembrance book is a nice idea but is it too soon for people to start writing their memories. Maybe just take ideas and say you will send flowers and wait to know more.

Abraxan · 13/05/2021 19:33

@MisContrued

Surely you arrange flowers from the company and send them, thats easy to do. Delegate that to someone. You can hardly offend with flowers.

A remembrance book is a nice idea but is it too soon for people to start writing their memories. Maybe just take ideas and say you will send flowers and wait to know more.

There may be Covid restrictions regarding flowers etc. There has been this year and last. Not sure if that is for all venues or if still in place.

Not all families want flowers set bar immediate family ones.

Best to listen to what the family want first.

cakefanatic · 13/05/2021 19:37

We went through this in non covid times. We had a book of remembrance, a collection, and the office closed for the funeral. It was quite a difficult thing because it was sudden and tragic, so counselling was provided.

QueenOfPain · 13/05/2021 19:37

Send an email out asking for Expression of Interest in deceased persons job 10 minutes before they sent out the email telling us the funeral procession would be doing a drive by of our workplace.

QueenOfPain · 13/05/2021 19:37

@QueenOfPain That’s the NHS btw.

Bargebill19 · 13/05/2021 19:39

I’ve never worked anywhere where anything was done. Nor has Dh.
I think it’s a really kind gesture that the firm has approached the family and are thinking of doing something to mark the passing.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 13/05/2021 19:47

An old employer named a meeting room after one of our colleagues passed away and I believe contributed financially to towards the funeral. There were a number of fundraising events for charities related to her illness also.

Another employer put a plaque up in our building when a colleague died in an accident

Sillyduckseverywhere · 13/05/2021 19:51

When my DP died his workplace had a fundraising day for a charity relevant to what killed him. They didn't ask us. I hated it. It felt like an empty gesture, he would have loved an animal charity.
Definitely ask regarding things like that!

Sillyduckseverywhere · 13/05/2021 19:52

@HelloCanYouHearMe

An old employer named a meeting room after one of our colleagues passed away and I believe contributed financially to towards the funeral. There were a number of fundraising events for charities related to her illness also.

Another employer put a plaque up in our building when a colleague died in an accident

Naming a room is absolutely lovely!
Pinkpaisley · 13/05/2021 19:53

Was the death related to the job or just a person who worked there happened to die?

TwoAndAnOnion · 13/05/2021 19:59

My husbands CEO put a post on their website and unilaterally invited the entire world to his funeral - without consulting me first. I was not impressed.

Hired a coach, the whole company came - ok I could deal with that - no flowers, card or contribution to the charity in place of flowers. Got drunk at the wake and told my BIL what death in service payments I could expect - without discussing it with me first.

My advice - ask the family what they would like

MrsRockAndRoll · 13/05/2021 20:32

@QueenOfPain

Send an email out asking for Expression of Interest in deceased persons job 10 minutes before they sent out the email telling us the funeral procession would be doing a drive by of our workplace.
Shock Shocking
MrsRockAndRoll · 13/05/2021 20:34

@TwoAndAnOnion

My husbands CEO put a post on their website and unilaterally invited the entire world to his funeral - without consulting me first. I was not impressed.

Hired a coach, the whole company came - ok I could deal with that - no flowers, card or contribution to the charity in place of flowers. Got drunk at the wake and told my BIL what death in service payments I could expect - without discussing it with me first.

My advice - ask the family what they would like

Disgusting to read this, so sorry for your loss
HermioneWeasley · 13/05/2021 20:37

Like your boss, we would ask the family what they want. We would write to the family to express our condolences. The staff are behaving terribly IMO, their sadness is not the priority.

Palavah · 13/05/2021 20:37

@HelloCanYouHearMe

An old employer named a meeting room after one of our colleagues passed away and I believe contributed financially to towards the funeral. There were a number of fundraising events for charities related to her illness also.

Another employer put a plaque up in our building when a colleague died in an accident

Did that not feel a bit weird? "risk committee at 11 in Karen Pritchard"?
WeatherwaxLives · 13/05/2021 20:43

Someone in the wider company (different site) was killed in a work related accident, awful, awful event, and left a young family. There was a collection for his family in the canteen.

A very long serving staff member died at our site, they planted a tree with a plaque.

A young staff member was taken ill at work and passed away. Blanket time off for anyone who wanted to attend the funeral.

I think all of these (bar the collection, which was a bit spontaneous) were discussed fully with the families before hand.

DrDreReturns · 13/05/2021 20:49

I really don't understand the problem with your boss's approach. It's very strange your colleagues are complaining about it.

gabsdot45 · 13/05/2021 20:50

A man in the team DH manages died a few months ago, suddenly. They had a big collection through go fund me and gave the money to his widow, with the suggestion that she use it for a holiday for her and her children next year.

A man in my job died last summer. He was an immigrant with no family in the country so sadly his body was never claimed. He did a solitary job on the road so not many people knew him either. His supervisor got a special Christmas decoration in his honour and it was dispayed on the Company christmas tree . It was a small thing.

LoveSleeping · 13/05/2021 21:01

Sadly this has happened a few times in my company and the managers have done exactly what your boss is doing- waited to speak to the family about what they feel is appropriate.

The last time, those who wanted to attend the funeral were given the afternoon off to do so, we did a collection for the colleagues' young family as they were the most important thing to her and we do an annual fundraiser for the charity she was involved in.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 13/05/2021 21:02

@Palavah It was just their surname, and thankfully they had a name that lended itself quite well to the purpose. I'm not sure senior management would have offered if the name was Bullock or Snodgrass or something along those lines

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