Why am I like this?! what on earth is wrong with me!

[socials]

Ever since I remember I have always been awkward. I am very very quiet. I just can't relax around people. I don't know how to make small take and I think I make people feel awkward. I'm not rude but may come across that way.
I'm really embarrassed of the way that I am and sometimes just observe others and see how they interact with each other so effortlessly and wonder how they do it.

I have been for cbt therapy as I suspected that I had social anxiety but now I am not so sure. SA is being very self conscious and fearing being judged negatively by others which is me. However there's another whole part to it which is more a fear of it knowing what to say and being awkward. I am not good in groups but much better at one to ones.

I never can relax with strangers / at work and never make friends or be able to chat with people. I can't do it and I don't know what to do. I feel it's too late for me to do anything about it and I don't even know what I can do about it.

I have waffled on far too long- can anyone please advise or relate?!

being shy is no excuse for being rude. You have to say hello, goodbye, look people in the eye and answer direct questions - never answer with a single word, especially not yes or no. You have to say something extra

Totally agree with this.
My sister was similar to you and became crippled by her lack of social ease and shyness. She turned to alcohol to help her cope and eventually became an alcoholic for which she was successfully treated. As she got older she was able to sit in a group and nod and smile in the right places but still contributed little. Retirement was a huge release for her and she became a contented, anti-social, semi-recluse whose lifeline was the internet. I wish there'd been the professional help available for her that seems to be around now so she could have coped with life a bit more. The mere fact you're able to discuss this on MN is a positive and I hope you find ways to help you participate a little bit more.

I’m teens if autism it’s worth remembering that women present very differently from men, and much of the typical diagnostic criteria tend to reflect male presentation. You may be naturally introverted but if it’s a question for you I’d look for an assessment based on female presentation. I know a couple of women who don’t fit the typical presentation but have been assessed as having autism.

I can relate to this and how crippling it is to your life. You can't win, want to socialise but my mind goes blank and just don't know what to say, slightly better one to one but not much. Then afterwards you replay what you think went wrong, feel people are judging you.

I have a DP but we don't live together but I feel I can be myself around him but if I didn't have him I would have no-one and that scares me. I am lonely and want people in my life but it's exhausting trying.

I do prefer being at home and have lots off hobbies in the house but why can't I accept I'm like this and be happy.

I just feel jealous and feel I'm missing out on so much and lockdown has made me realise how lonely I am. I only see Dp at weekends so in the week I see no-one or talk to anyone.

Ive hugely enjoyed listening to Brene Brown's - the Power of Vulnerability and about living authentically. It all sounds a bit woo but really its about finding your confidence and not needing to change yourself.

It's ok to be quiet. Frankly small talk etc gets better the more you painfully practice it. A small smile goes far.

You gain friends by giving a little bit of yourselves to them, shared experiences, a bit of trust, answering or asking a favour. If that's tough, try and find an activity where that sort of thing is built in - a choir, women's rugby, WI, outdoor swimming.

@Doona

This is a really interesting question! How to do small talk.

First, a lot of it is practice.
Second, I think a bit of awkwardness is always normal, even polite, between people.
Third, you have to make an effort even when you don't want to.

Some of the things I say to my kids, who are shy:

• being shy is no excuse for being rude. You have to say hello, goodbye, look people in the eye and answer direct questions.
• never answer with a single word, especially not yes or no. You have to say something extra.

Someone with autism cannot just do that.