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Where do other parents get time or am I just crap at this

9 replies

Thereisroomontheraft · 12/05/2021 13:44

I have 3dcs, youngest is in preschool which finishes at 11.30am but no option to add on hours, older two dcs also finish relatively early in school here, I live in an area with v v little childcare options , can't find childminders and it's a lot more expensive here than in the UK.
I work part-time hours or just over, this is in a self-employed role but the hours I work are set so I have to work every morning until I pick up my youngest and I also work a couple of evenings (I start very early at 6am).
I used to spend hours painting and drawing and actually managed to make some money, this was 10 years ago before I had my first. Now I am 36 and feel like time is flying by and I can see on Instagram and etsy how other artists who are parents are able to create loads and make things and these types of media make it so easy now to showcase work. Tbh it really isn't about making money but more the hobby. I am buzzing with ideas and managed to do a couple of prints recently and felt great after but where or where do other parents get time? I can see on social media ( I know, I know..) other artists who I know have young kids making a business and I just don't get how they do it, these are also ppl who work. I wish I had their energy.
In the evenings once all 3 are in bed I'm so, so tired.. (my dcs didn't sleep for years and years so not sure if its a hangover from this).
I just feel very low and disappointed in myself..I often see an idea online and think oh I could make that, I could do prints like that (I did a degree in fine art) but I just can't muster the energy or motivation and I don't know why..
I have tried getting babysitters but they are soooo expensive here (10 pounds per hour) and it would be sortof ridiculous with me painting here and paying someone in the next room and we can't really afford it right now..My dh is totally hands on and we are very equal so he happily takes them out for a day or a weekend away but I still feel I'm lacking something that I once had. Can anyone give any advice or have other ppl find it difficult once kids are in bed or once they have had kids to do hobbies etc? Sometimes I feel like I'm pathetic like why can't I make things anymore, I even find it hard to concentrate or think where to start..I remember before my first child, I made a lot of the nursery textiles and wall murals etc.. Now I just completely lack any motivation or energy. Does anyone feel similar or have any words of advice.?

OP posts:
Fitforforty · 12/05/2021 13:46

From what I see Grandparents who offer childcare.

Thereisroomontheraft · 12/05/2021 13:51

Ah...yes. I have lots of family but no one has ever babysat ever and my eldest is 10. I have even brought kids into dental appointments and smears so thats definitely not an option here!

OP posts:
Thereisroomontheraft · 12/05/2021 13:53

Ah...yes. I have lots of family but no one has ever babysat ever and my eldest is 10. I have even brought kids into dental appointments and smears so thats definitely not an option here!

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Thereisroomontheraft · 12/05/2021 16:31

Double post sorry...

OP posts:
Fitforforty · 12/05/2021 17:08

We don’t have childcare from family either. It’s hard work.

hazandduck · 12/05/2021 17:21

Same boat as you, OP. I feel like motherhood has really stunted my creativity, I have all the ideas, head teeming, but I just never get the time or energy because if I get my paints out of an evening I have to then make sure it’s all away and tidy before the rat bags come downstairs in the morning and cause carnage...it takes so much energy getting it all out, takes up so much room, I can barely get started during a nap time and I’m working part time too and have very limited childcare too. It’s immensely frustrating.

My saviour has been getting an iPad Pro. Just do it. I now fall asleep most nights with my iPencil in hand. No mess to clean up. Can literally pick it up anywhere, don’t have to wait for layers to dry, to soak your brushes...anything!

Have sold quite a few pieces of digital art since I got it. I still barely get time to properly create, I want to go back to uni and do a degree in art (never got beyond GCSE art but just have a real passion) but I just keep waiting for that breakthrough moment when I’m not fucking drained any more...my kids are 1 and 3.

Hope you get a break soon to properly create. I totally get you, I don’t know how people do it. I’ve talked and talked about getting a load of prints done and setting up an Etsy but time just slips away!

steppemum · 12/05/2021 17:29

I found that when my last was in preschool, I spent all day walking up and down to school (drop off school, wait for pre-school drop off, home, pre-school pick up, school pick up) etc etc.
There never seemd to be time to do anything. (and we live 5 minutes walk away) it was just so disjointed.
In theory I had 3 hours every morning. In practice it like 5 minutes.

But once she started full time school, I did slowly begin to see space. It took a while, I started working part time and built it up. Initially it felt like years of backlogged jobs waiting to be cleared, but slowly I began to have space for other things.

My mum gave me one really good piece of advice.
If you want to do something (whether that is paint a room, paint a picture or fill in your tax return) do it as soon as you come home. Leave the breakfast dishes and the washing etc. On the day you are free, come home, and start straight away with the big job, so you can give it several hours.
The dishes and the washing will end up getting done in between. But you need a couple of hours clear space to do the big job, so do that first.

BigDecisionsLittleTime · 12/05/2021 17:41

Totally sympathise. I have had quite a bit of childcare over the years and still struggled. Creativity can be a tricky thing, difficult to summon up on demand.

Definitely agree with PP, any jobs like washing up or laundry (even cleaning really if they're not babies) are never done in my precious child free time. That suff can wait.

My youngest is off to school soon and I can already feel my brain space opening up a bit. It's tough, but you will find your creative space again soon I'm sure.

hazandduck · 12/05/2021 20:57

Oh gosh I always end up cleaning during my childfree time. And it’s depressing because it’s endless!

And I totally agree about the preschool pick up. My eldest goes 9-3 two days a week. But I only get about 30 minutes (preschool is about 20 minute walk away) once I put the baby down for a nap, prep her lunch etc...wash up breakfast stuff, then get ready to walk back again!

Going to take @steppemum ’s mum’s advice. Leave the cleaning 😂

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