Ridiculous fear of baby having a bad personality

[pandarific]

My baby works herself up into a red faced screaming hysterical rage to the extent she passes out at least once a day. 😬 she’s 6 weeks, gaining weight fine, started smiling at 4 weeks, sleeps well, and I’m fairly confident there’s nothing physically wrong with her, hence she’s just crying due to tiredness / wanting to be held differently / overstimulated.

My DS never did this, the one time he bawled like she regularly bawls he was in pain from a UTI and we ended up in hospital - it’s proper red faced screaming, just to give the idea of the kind of crying!

So the crying itself is stressful, but overall fine - she’s tiny, she’ll grow out of it, but right now obviously whatever she needs to calm down, be it cuddles, walking, whatever.

What’s messing me up is - I have a bad relationship with my sister who likely has a personality disorder. As an adult she’s a manipulative, abusive, suicide threatening my mother ‘unless you transfer £500 into my account’ person, and as a child she was a screaming nightmare, constantly pitching a fit about everything, very capable of holding the whole family to ransom with screaming bad moods and bad behaviour.

So. When my baby starts the red faced bawling part of my brain immediately starts panicking that she’s like my sister, and that she’ll be just like her, and that I’ll be trapped in a shitty life with her forever, like my mum is with my sister.

I know, rationally, this is highly unlikely, but my god when she’s doing that high pitched hysterical cry for no obvious reason I just end up sitting there afterwards arguing with myself in my head about it, and it’s exhausting and upsetting.

I’m aware this isn’t normal and I could totally use some therapy, but I can’t afford it rn, and am well in myself otherwise (no pnd - imo if anything it’s probably complex ptsd from my experiences growing up).

So if anyone had a baby who did similar to my dd and has grown up to be a lovely, sweet little person, I’d really appreciate hearing about them right now, just so I can tell my panic brain to stfu and just enjoy her.

My dd was like this. She burst a blood vessel in her eye from screaming whilst being cuddled.
Shes 6 now and the most adorable child. She's super smart, polite, loving and kind. We never got to the bottom of why she cried so much, it was just one of those things.

Possibly stuck gas?
Can be v painful.

Dd is only 17 months but was similar until 6.minths old. She hhsted not being able to move herself about basically. She isn't crying for 'no reason' , it's just that you haven't quite worked out the reason yet, she's just telling you she's not satisfied in the only way she can.

Shes not screaming for no reason though, there's something bothering her. Reflux, wind, hungry, needs nappy change. There's something. How much a baby cries has no correlation to what sort of adult they will become.

No advice but just want to send solidarity, I had a sister like that and it does give you a heightened worry over such things.

You're already so self aware, identifying that it's your anxiety not reality, which is amazing of you. But it's hard! I hope you and baby both get a bit of peace soon.

My ds screamed continuously for the first 8 months with breath holding episodes he’s nearly 7 and since about 1 has been the easiest child no terrible twos no demanding extremely liked by children and adult alike please try not to worry. Easier said then done I know.

My DC1 had colic and would scream every time he was put down for a second (and most of the time you held him) until he was about 3 months old. It was torture. Then we realised he had reflux and treated it and things got loads better. Not saying this is the problem with your DD, more that we eventually realised there was a reason for the screaming!

I'm now pregnant with DC2 and 3yo DC1 is the kindest, most loving kid. He is so exited about baby and is very gentle with bump, giving it kisses and cuddles etc.

Obviously none of us know how our kids will turn out but I'm sure your DD will be fine. I know you're saying no PND or anything but 6 weeks is such early days and even without anything "wrong" it's a tough time, and it's common for hormones and sleep deprivation to lead to intrusive / obsessive thoughts, heightened anxiety and turbulent emotions so be kind to yourself

DD was like this. She had silent reflux and CMPA. She's now the most wonderful, sweet, obedient, kind 3 year old.

Like others have said, there will be a reason for the crying, even though it's not obvious. My son was like this. I'd take steps to rule out silent reflux, as the red faced crying is one of the symptoms. My sons face would flush red, even in his sleep, due to the pain from the burning acid

Bumping because she’s now going through a phase of screaming blue murder for no obvious reason.

I want to throw her out the window, frankly. (I won’t, I will put in my headphones turned up to the full volume and walk her around, but whyyyyyy.... why is she like this? Why can’t she just be a nice chill little baby? 😭

It's really hard when they scream li that for ages, but screaming loads isn't an indication of any sort of personally really in a baby, it just means something is making them uncomfortable - hungry, too hot too cold, have wind, have a pain somewhere, too tired... Feel really sorry for you! Can anyone take her so you can get a break?

I know this thread is a few weeks old, but had to comment, you describe my daughter to a t, my son was 4 years older and a dream baby, always content, easy to feed, slept all night, constantly smiling. My daughter could shatter glass with her screaming, and she screamed for a year, we took her to doctors, specialists etc. As you mentioned the only time I had heard my son scream in that way was when he was very ill with bronchiolitis, I rushed my daughter to an emergency overnight doctor to be told she had a slight Headcold, but the nurse on the other end of the phone even told me "I don't like the sound of that scream, bring her straight in...."
She was a contrary baby, cranky toddler, didn't smile until she was 8 months. I suspected autism for a while. But once she turned 3/4 she has developed the most wonderful personality, she is kind, gentle, even tempered. She us a huge animal lover, endlessly loving and affectionate to everyone. She's funny and charms everyone who knows her. She did take a bit of time to get there and I needed to be firm to knock the temper tantrums on the head once she was old enough but you'll be able to too. Best of luck with her, those first few months are so hard with a squealer. The end result will be worth it. She's 10 this year and I do remember the hard times with her so be kind to yourself. X I have a sister like that too, HER kid turned out like her. Maybe karma.........

Reflux? CMPA? I had a screamer too. You have my sincerest sympathies

DD1 did nothing but scream as a baby. She had CMPA. It was awful.

6 week old humans have not developed personalities in order to have personality disorders.

They do have pain and other stimuli affecting them. They might cry for a reason you don't understand, but they don't cry for no reason and they sure as hell don't cry to manipulate you.

You really need to be able to manage these emotional flashbacks so they don't affect how you're interacting with your baby and end up with you passing the trauma on down another generation to her.

Are you in the UK? You can self-refer for basic therapy. No, it won't be enough to fully take on complex PTSD but it's a starter and gets you in the system for referrals onwards.

Do you have strategies for these emotional flashbacks? Your baby is not the cause of what you're feeling, your re-activated trauma is.