Can a relationship ever work if you aren’t physically attracted to them?

[Wineandcakefortea]

I have been seeing a guy for a few months, more of a friends with benefits arrangement than dating after meeting through friends and speaking throughout the lockdowns. He wants us to have a proper relationship but I’m not sure.
He’s a lovely person and we get on so well, he has a great personality and I’m so comfortable around him which is rare for me, plus the sex is amazing. My issue is that he isn’t my ‘type’. He’s the opposite of what man I would usually go for. His personality was the initial attraction, as I never intended for anything to happen between us I kept it platonic. I’m not a shallow person that I would avoid someone based on looks.
With my ex I wasn’t attracted to him and got ‘the ick’ although I thought the attraction would come eventually and tried hard to fancy him. I am just concerned it’ll happen again and be the elephant in the room that may cause issues later on.
My friend said if I don’t find him physically attractive regardless of if he’s my type or not then it’ll never work so it’s got me thinking. I do really like him and would be disappointed if he didn’t want to see me anymore.
Has any one else had this and the physical attraction came later?

But you surely are physically attracted to him if you have great sex?

It sounds more like he doesn't meet your conventional criteria for looks.

But between your emotional connection and how you feel about him as a person, you are attracted to him. Sounds like a good basis for a further relationship to me.

Sounds like you have a pattern of behaviour. You’re repeating the same thing you did with your ex. For some reason you have convinced yourself that you should just settle.

There must be some physical attraction if you are having sex ,or you wouldnt be turned in enough for him to even breach the flaps.
I think you are confusing the issue due to past relationships.
If it's working which it sounds like it is ,just because you've got a type and he doesn't fit that description doeant mean it cant work out.
Give it a chance , beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Thanks everyone I think you are right.
I know it’s just a dream for women to meet ‘mr right’ who fits the description, I just want to be sure that I wouldn’t get the ick again later on. I wouldn’t be settling as such, as I genuinely like him and we have a connection. That’s what gave me the attraction for us to have sex more so than his looks, as I can separate the two.
It’s just long term when the initial excitement and thrill wears off, is personality enough.

Ask yourself how you would feel if you thought he didn’t find you attractive but was staying for the great sex and hoping it wouldn’t be a problem?

I didn’t get the butterflies or anything when I first met my boyfriend - I remember thinking he was easy on the eye, and the thing I liked about him was that he was kind, and funny, and we had interests in common. A year in and now I appreciate things that I didn’t notice at first, like his forearms, or the back of his neck when he’s doing DIY, or the way he pulls a face when he’s concentrating. Sometimes the physical attraction comes later.

Thanks sweaty Betty that’s good to know.
Untred that’s a bit harsh it’s not what’s happening at all, I wouldn’t have spent over a year speaking to him and getting to know him if I was planning on using him for sex, he’s the one who initiated that part.

How can you have amazing sex if you're not attracted to him?!

Don't settle, it's not fair on either of you. That said I think people often get too hung up on 'their type' - are they still going to be your type when you're both old and fat with thinning hair? The emotional connection you have with someone has to be more important surely? That is what will last, not physical beauty - unless you're going to trade them in at some point for a younger model. You have to feel an attraction and strong connection on some level for them though.

Untred that’s a bit harsh it’s not what’s happening at all, I wouldn’t have spent over a year speaking to him and getting to know him if I was planning on using him for sex, he’s the one who initiated that part.

Harsh or touched a nerve? You don’t have to be honest here but you owe it to him to ask yourself the question. He deserves better than being held onto in the hope your brain decides he is attractive some day.

Personality is what the friendship is built on, you're more likely to last with a good base friendship than if the attraction is all physical, but you've nothing in common.

IF you're only attracted to someone because of looks, then when that initial thing wanes, what are you left with? Some bloke you don't actually like.

If you fall for their personality, then unless they fundamentally change who they are, then you're laughing, because that remains.

Nope. I was seeing a guy before my husband and tbh I never really fancied him. He was nice but not sexy. Anyway, towards the end I just got the ‘ick’ to coin a MN favourite phrase 😂 He was all skinny, wore tiny pants (like the ones you give a little boy straight out of nappies) and he made sex noises when he came 😬 He was also a virgin when we met so pretty shit at sex. Things ended shortly afterwards.

In short, my answer is no @Wineandcakefortea Just in case I wasn’t clear enough. Sorry.

If you're having to separate his looks from the equation to enjoy what he's doing in bed and are not sure if you really fancy him then that does speak volumes IMO. As does the fact that your response to him wanting more is uncertainty rather than feeling happy about it.

You don't have to go out with someone just because you have a nice time with them and the sex is decent OP. Or indeed have to want a relationship at all full stop. Them being really nice doesn't alter the fact. I would keep things as they are and make a decision later, or date other people. A few months isn't even very long and lockdown was a strange and unique scenario. What suited during that time and offered what you need may not now things are changing and that's fine.

I'd be wondering if I felt so comfortable with him because I didn't really fancy him or feel that deeply, in this scenario.

How can you have amazing sex with someone you're not attracted to? Not possible I don't think

Are you closing your eyes during sex op? I can't understand how you can have 'great sex' if you're not remotely physically attracted to him. You don't have to find him 'stunning' to have an amazing relationship. I'm sure as we age, change, gain weight etc that looks become less and less important

When you say not your 'type' do you mean physical attributes, or other qualities?