i feel under so much clock pressure its ruining my life

[whatsdrill]

A year or so ago I ended a relationship I wasn’t properly sure about. I didn’t miss him, it was the right thing to do. But I’m going to be 35 in October...just six months away. So despite meeting someone recently that I am head over heels for, all I can think about is the fact I don’t have a family.

When I’m with my new DP, it is great. He’s great. I laugh so much. We did have a chat about what we want from life and both said same things but I can’t suddenly say I want a family with him and also I don’t know that we are definitely right together yet, I need to wait and see how it goes.

I’m just consumed by this feeling. I don’t want to do it alone. I don’t know how to cope sometimes. I will wake in the night and feel sick, other days I am ok. I have been to doctor for checks and scans they said seems all fine and I’m not too old yet...but I’m too scared to check blood levels etc. I just can’t face that. I feel old already and so sad. I just want to enjoy things for now but I can’t seem to. Has anyone been in the same position? How can I deal with this better?

Start focusing on all ghe good things that you have rather than the things you don't have. You're 35, not 45, this is not last chance saloon.
At the moment you are catastrophising in your head and I think you need to calm it down. Arm yourself with some facts - you don't have to make any decisions just yet.
If you can afford it I would book a fertility MOT which usually includes a session with a counsellor as well as blood tests etc.
Have you done all the things you want to have done before you have a child?
How long have you been with your partner? How does he see his next 5 yers panning out?

@Palavah yes I’ve done everything I want to do. All I want is a family but wouldn’t alone.

DP is still new ish (10 months). He has huge work commitments coming up, trying to get the next and last big promotion in his line of work. Family is not on the cards for him over the next year by which point I will be 35 and 6 months. He said he wants all that though, we haven’t planned it together but he often comments about generally wanting marriage and kids.

I just can’t stop thinking about it. I’m so sad about it. I love being with him and I want to just go on holidays, get to know him better, be happy. But this is always on my mind.

I had my first when I was 36, my second when I was 39, and am just going through the menopause at 50. You've got time to have the family you want (unless your family is known for an early menopause) without hurrying things up in your relationship.

You've got plenty time

I know it’s possible I have time but I know also I could not. It makes me feel so sick. It is always in my mind.

DP is lovely and we are only just getting started. I don’t want to throw some crazy conversation out there, which it would be after only a few months. I just don’t know how to deal with this fear and sadness. I feel very very old.

I feel very very old.
You aren't though so you should work out how you are going to accept that. For you it might be counselling. For me it would be practical things such as making sure I was as in as good a physical condition as possible.

I think @Palavah'S idea of a fertility MOT is a good one.