The worse blind date....

[salsmum]

I'd love to hear of you worse blind date stories and why?

You first op.

Well... back in the Stone Age there was a dating channel and you basically replied on screen when a match came up, he seemed to share a lot of interests and I'd been on my own fir a few years DD at SN boarding school DS was working as a circus ringmaster at the time so was touring a lot. We arranged to meet at local pub, friend dropped me off in her DP work car ( complete with window cleaners ladders on top) and on first sight he didn't look too bad... then he opened his mouth and had the most monotone voice I'd ever heard and practically talked about himself all night, I tried to look interested but I actually found my eyes drawn to the picture ( vase of flowers) above his head! It truly was the longest date of my life and instead of making my excuses and leaving early I remained polite while secretly toying with the idea of squeezing out of the toilet window... but accident prone me reasoned that it would not of ended well needless to say there was no second date and it was a good while before I met my currant DP of 15 years on another blind date.

Met him at Manchester Piccadilly station after chatting on some Manc singles forum online back when they were a thing. Quickly became apparent he only had about four hairs but had managed to comb them over and angle the camera on his online profile picture so that he didn’t look like the bald man that he really was. We went to lunch. He was really not my type but quite funny. Got rip roaringly drunk (he didn’t) and he asked if I fancied going to the aquarium as he had a season pass (he was a 27 year old man, no kids, had not previously mentioned in our communications any love of aquatic life). I said not really but he insisted and being pissed and 19 I thought ‘carpe diem’ (or maybe just ‘carp diem’). Walking around the fish whilst drunk was the weirdest thing ever and I started to feel trippy and strange. Ended up with a full-on hangover whilst walking through the shark tunnel. Snogged him back at the station because I didn’t know how else to get rid of him. Ended up texting him when he messaged a few days later saying he was in the area and should we meet in a local pub for a drink saying that I was in hospital with appendix pains. Faked a whole appendectomy via text over the course of the next few days. He sent me flowers via my university as he didn’t have my address (although how he thought I would have received them had I really been in hospital I don’t know). I suddenly realised several days into this fiction that my mobile had the capability to block numbers (this was circa 2005, it was my first phone that did) so I utilised that function. I assume he thinks to this day that I must have died.

If you’re reading Tom* mate, I’m really sorry.

REAL TIME UPDATE: after writing all that I got to wondering and I’ve just looked him up on Twitter out of interest (he had a very distinctive name, hence my remembering it all of these years later). I swear to GOD that his profile picture is of him posing next to a fish tank. Look!!!! I have blurred him out to protect the privacy of his weird self. I am so glad that I clicked on this thread- looking this dude up has made my week!!!

• names have been changed to protect the thoroughly weird

PS if this is for The Daily Mail or whatever, i proper think you’re scum bags and your newspaper and others in its ilk is a rag, but happy for this to be used because I’m sat here at 3am howling myself.

@SteveArnottsCodeine brilliant!

Lol no not Daily mail just carer with insomnia who fancied a giggle love the fishy tail 😉 so you went around an aquarium tanked up

I think I was 17 ish - he proposed the cinema, which wasn’t a great choice. When I get there, he proposes, v enthusiastically, that we see the 3rd LOTR film. I tell him I haven’t seen the first 2 - it’s no problem, he says, you’ll soon catch up.

Well fuck me. Three fucking hours of incomprehension. I had tried to read the books several times, and given up because it wasn’t my thing, and had had no interest in the films as a result. Had no idea what was going on, but it transpired he was a super fan - he was on the edge of his seat for the whole film, despite, as he told me, that being his THIRD TIME WATCHING IT. He also showed me his tattoo, in Elvish

Get to the end and he informs me he’s got to run to catch his bus. Reader, he did NOT get a snog, or a second date, which he optimistically thought was a possibility