Help! Co-sleeping 7mo won’t go in cot!

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

My DD2 is usually a really good sleeper. Good length day time naps and sleeps most nights 9pm to 7am with only one or two wakes for bottles but straight back to sleep. The downside is that she only does this whilst cuddled up in our bed or on someone. She will nap in her buggy on a walk if she’s tired enough but will often wake up as soon as it’s not moving.

We’ve tried putting her down whilst awake and whilst asleep but neither has worked so far. We’ve tried picking her up immediately when she cries and leaving her to fuss for a bit with us there before picking her up. She’s not the sort of baby who calms herself after a few minutes. She cries and cries and cries and would cry until she was sick if left I think. The best we’ve managed was a day of a couple of half hour naps in her cot but she then started refusing immediately and waking herself up.

Anyone got any tips for getting a Velcro baby in their own cot? I’m not up for controlled crying or cry it out methods.

It's a tough one as each baby is so different and needs their own approach. You're probably up for some rough nights sorting it out but I'd suggest you need to start by doing bedtime by going down in cot. It's the best one to start with as you have a routine and they know it's bedtime.
I would suggest you set up your routine - eg bath, pjs, milk and a short story after then into cot. Chat gently to explain and keep calm. If she fusses try stroking her back and reassuring but if she's getting upset then of course pick up for a cuddle, calm and try again. It may take a few goes. It may end up with her falling asleep in your arms but I'd you persist enough nights she will get the hang of it. Then it's a question of trying to resettle by gentle pats too and again pick up if not working.
Also she may just be in a phase where she's not ready for this so if 3-4 days isn't working give up and try again in a couple of weeks. If you're not up for crying it out which I wasn't sometimes waiting and reattempting does the trick.
It doesn't matter where the naps are - cot, pram etc You don't need to tie yourself to one place.

Is her cot in a different room to yours? Try moving it next to your bed for the transition process.

@Tickly

It's a tough one as each baby is so different and needs their own approach. You're probably up for some rough nights sorting it out but I'd suggest you need to start by doing bedtime by going down in cot. It's the best one to start with as you have a routine and they know it's bedtime. I would suggest you set up your routine - eg bath, pjs, milk and a short story after then into cot. Chat gently to explain and keep calm. If she fusses try stroking her back and reassuring but if she's getting upset then of course pick up for a cuddle, calm and try again. It may take a few goes. It may end up with her falling asleep in your arms but I'd you persist enough nights she will get the hang of it. Then it's a question of trying to resettle by gentle pats too and again pick up if not working. Also she may just be in a phase where she's not ready for this so if 3-4 days isn't working give up and try again in a couple of weeks. If you're not up for crying it out which I wasn't sometimes waiting and reattempting does the trick. It doesn't matter where the naps are - cot, pram etc You don't need to tie yourself to one place.

Thank you. This is our fourth attempt at getting her down as we’ve given up multiple times. DH is desperate to get our bed back. I am less desperate but would like my arms back during the day.

@Fivemoreminutes1

Is her cot in a different room to yours? Try moving it next to your bed for the transition process.

We have a next to me crib but we’re worried about her going to sleep in there and then transitioning again. She’s also a really light sleeper so don’t want to wake her with just general noise.

Wow I could have written this exact same thing. My daughter is EXACTLY the same. We began co sleeping at 5/6 months because I was exhausted and it was the only way to get her to mostly sleep through, as you say.
We did end up Co sleeping until 2 weeks ago, at age 20 months. The first couple of attempts at getting her to sleep in her cot were horrific but now it's much easier as she's got used to it and we read with her in the cot first and she loves books. We keep it light and smiley and it's been way easier than I thought. We're taking it slow, one of us sleeps in the room with her, we don't leave her to cry yet but we're working up to it to get her to settle herself during the night.
I want to say there's no way I could have done this at 7 months but now I know after the first few attempts it gets easier, I know it's possible. Basically, make the decision to ban her from your bed. Whenever she wakes, she goes back in the cot. She will get used to it and you can still comfort her, just reduce it over time.

Thanks @dreaming174. We’ve been co-sleeping since day 1 and she’s a very determined little monster. 😂 I hope this is much easier than I’m imagining.

DH suggested putting her down the other whilst she was out cold and she immediately sat up and refused to go back to sleep.

Haha yep been there. It is bloody exhausting but you have to force yourself to outlast her. It is going to take her some time to get used to for sure. She's had the nice cosy comfort of you both for so long, she is going to wonder what on earth is going on. I think in some ways it was easier now as ours likes to cuddle her teddies and my water bottle. But I know friends who did it around 7 months and say it was the best thing they did.

I’ve tried introducing a comforter of some sorts but she’s not interested at all.

Have you tried white noise? We bought a white noise machine on Amazon for about £20 and have used it with our toddler and baby. It’s fantastic, they don’t wake up if you’re making noises around them when it’s on. Try it if you haven’t already, we couldn’t live without white noise.

No I haven’t tried that. I’ll look into it.

In all honesty just leave it, she’s not ready and she’s telling you that she needs to be near you at night to feel able to sleep securely.

Your DH needs to put his wants about the bed to one side for a bit.
I’m assuming you’re on mat leave, will you be going back to work?

If so once your baby is in nursery etc she’ll adjust to sleeping on her own and she’ll be easier to put down on her own.

You May be feeling under societal pressure for her to be sleeping on her own now but I promise you that many dont at this age and it’s totally normal, she’s still very small

It does seem to go against nature to put them in their own rooms when they’re so small.

My DH wants us all to sleep better but 100% does his share. We alternate who has DD at night so we both get rest. I am on mat leave now and he’s working. My mum will be having DD when I go back to work so won’t be using a nursery.

I don’t want to put her down really but I wonder if that’s because I’m being selfish as I love the cuddles and it ensures a long nap from her.

I've no advice but exactly the same - sling naps and cosleeping. Mine wakes up every 2 hrs though. I'm exhausted.

@OhToBeASeahorse

DD likes a sling nap too.

I don’t want to put her down really but I wonder if that’s because I’m being selfish as I love the cuddles and it ensures a long nap from her.

You aren’t being selfish.

My 8 month old is the same. Co sleeps and all naps are on me (or Dh when he’s not working). Alll three of my children have been the same and honestly, my 19 year old has grown out of it

My two elder kids napped on or next to me until they stopped napping and co slept until they wanted to go in their own rooms around 3 1/2
I’m lucky in the fact that I’ve been a SAHM though so it wasn’t an issue.

It’s only a problem if you think it’s a problem.

No advice just to say I'm in the same boat with my 1 year old. Hopefully going to try to get into the cot again soon.

Our DD would have been like this at 7 months- she came out of the next to me and then into her cot bed at the foot of our bed instead which helped a bit with everyone disturbing each other. We then had a spell which delayed her going into her own room (illness then starting nursery then bugs from nursery) til nearly 12 months. She was still waking once in the night at that point but she was definitely ready for her own room. She then dropped the night feed and now generally sleeps through at two with the occasional (ha!) blip about actually going to sleep at first- once she's off she's usually fine). We do still co-sleep on bad nights which is generally if she's poorly or teething but as she's older she seems to understand (and almost appreciate) that the norm is your own bed now.

I suppose what I'm saying is we followed DDs lead and went gradually so we've never had to do any sleep training to achieve her sleeping through. It's taken a long while, a lot longer than our NCT friends who did sleep training at the sort of age yours is but we've managed. I'll admit a big help towards that was WFH and nursery being closed for a good chunk of the time we were carrying out the transition as the intermittent disrupted nights weren't so bad when we could have a more leisurely start to the day without the commute and nursery run!

DD1 was a Velcro baby but no where near as much as DD2 is. She would at least start most nights in her cot even if she did end up with us at some point. I’m currently sitting in her room waiting for her to go to sleep and she’s 7yo. She’ll be asleep now (unless something wakes her - bad dream or something) until 6:30 tomorrow morning.

It's hard isn't it. I dont mind cosleeping but the sling naps are driving me nuts and I dont get any evening.

Look up side car cot technique. Ours is a cot bed with one side off attached to our bed. Last few weeks I've been feeding dd to sleep lying down so She's in the cot and I'm on my mattress next to her then I roll away when she is asleep. Also have white noise on as She's an extremely light sleeper. Got the monitor on her so I can go downstairs (first time this has worked for me she she was born!) And I come back to resettle as needed. My dd is 8 months and is still pretty velcro but I'm gradually getting her used to the cot this way. She usually rolls back into bed with me once I've come up for the night. Sorry if my typing is weird, I'm one handed as doing bedtime right now!

@OhToBeASeahorse

It's hard isn't it. I dont mind cosleeping but the sling naps are driving me nuts and I dont get any evening.

DH and I take it in turns not having an evening. Would be nice to have one together sometimes.

@WutheringShites86

Look up side car cot technique. Ours is a cot bed with one side off attached to our bed. Last few weeks I've been feeding dd to sleep lying down so She's in the cot and I'm on my mattress next to her then I roll away when she is asleep. Also have white noise on as She's an extremely light sleeper. Got the monitor on her so I can go downstairs (first time this has worked for me she she was born!) And I come back to resettle as needed. My dd is 8 months and is still pretty velcro but I'm gradually getting her used to the cot this way. She usually rolls back into bed with me once I've come up for the night. Sorry if my typing is weird, I'm one handed as doing bedtime right now!

I have tried giving DD a bottle whilst she’s lying in her cot and she just stares at me and then kicks off once it’s done.

Sorry but 'she just stares at me' made me laugh. That's DD's response to being in the cot. 'What am I doing here mummy?'

@OhToBeASeahorse

Sorry but 'she just stares at me' made me laugh. That's DD's response to being in the cot. 'What am I doing here mummy?'

They’re little monsters in cute bodies. That’s how they get away with it.

It might be worth trying again, it's only in the last month or so this has been working for us but the bed has been set up like that since birth 😅