Suicide fears

[sourrain]

Over 4 years ago now, one of my very good, close friends committed suicide. Our mutual friends and I knew she was struggling with mental health but it still came as the biggest shock. I don't think I've fully taken it in after all this time, it still hasn't fully hit me.

I am so, so scared that the same thing will happen with another friend, with DP, with a family member. My siblings had both had struggles with mental health in the past. No one in my immediate circle comes across as struggling now but I am so aware that much can be going on behind closed doors.

I often stay up late worrying that someone I know and love will commit suicide. Sometimes (and I know this sounds sick) I find myself daydreaming (for want of a better word) about discovering someone who has committed suicide. I don't like to say 'daydreaming' but I don't know what else to call it.

I'm just so sick with worry. If I have not heard from someone in a while I will start to worry. If a member of my household is having a lie-in and not up yet, I worry. Part of me wants to stop worrying so much but part of me does not want to come blasé about it in case something does happen.

Not sure what responses I'm expecting. Maybe if anyone has experienced anything similar they'll know the answer? Sorry if this is completely wrong place or anything.

It has turned from a natural reaction from the shock of your friend killing them self into an obsession and constant state of anxiety that someone else you know will also commit suicide.

Yes it’s possible that someone else may take their own life but worrying, fretting and focusing on this happening will make you ill and you may develop other symptoms because of these intrusive thoughts.

Your worrying is not going to prevent it happening again with someone else. Therefore you cannot control another persons state of mind.

You can of course tell your loved ones that because of what previously happened you are now more aware of mental health issues and should they ever feel low you are a willing ear and will support them if they need professional advice etc.

You can control your own state of mind and perhaps need to look at ways of dealing with grief and anxiety as this fixation on suicide is not healthy.

You need some therapy to come to terms with what happened and your fixation on this.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

When I was in school a boy in my class who had been struggling for a while attempted suicide very publicly. At school. It was shocking and I needed to talk about it. We had a group session about it at school for those who witnessed. And then two individual sessions each.
He later did commit suicide, this was 8 years ago and we had recently left school most of us at Uni at that time. I have had some counselling sessions to do with this because although he wasn't a close friend, he had been in my class for years and so was a part of my everyday life. What i'm trying to say is even though it's other people going through this awful thing, it effects you too - and substantially. And that's ok and normal but you need to talk about it and work it through with someone professional, the sooner the better. I remember feeling hugely guilty that I was so upset and dwelling on it because it wasn't to do with me.