Have I done the right thing? TW suicide threats

[UnFringed]

Male friend has called me, his ex is threatening suicide. She has care of his baby daughter. I’ve seen the messages, they are a mix of manipulative (come back to me I’m sad), but some that are very worrying talking about feeling guilt to her daughter to be motherless, but also better off without her. Talking about getting over the reluctance to do it and just do it.

She’s done it before apparently (threatened) but not done anything, but he knows she was on some form of serious medication before she was with him for MH issues.

I’ve told him to call the police for a welfare check. He thinks she’s also been drinking, daughter is a baby. He’s reluctant because he doesn’t want her in trouble or to affect her job which is a position of responsibility.

Have I given the wrong advice?? I’m worried she will make access hard for him if she’s just being manipulative and is actually fine and the police turn up. But also worried she means it and will hurt herself or the baby.

ARGH. Advice?

That’s the advice I would have given.

If she’s bluffing the police will see that she is able to look after her baby, if she is dunk or incapacitated they will call social services.

The most important thing is the welfare of the infant.

Absolutely I’d call the police in those circumstances, if she’s bluffing she’ll get a clear message about that but if she’s serious she’ll get more immediate help and her child will be safe.

Absolutely the right advice.

Yes the police is the right call. I would also suggest he contact other family members. I don't doubt she is grieving for the relationship and needs support but if it is to get him running he can bounce this back to her parents or sibling for example so she has support but it is not directly him.

Without doubt the right advice.

Sometimes people use threats or acts of self harm to elicit care from others to to assert control over situations that they feel very emotional about or where they no agency. These people are often deeply unhappy and, often due to crisis in their life and would benefit from seeking help to find a healthier way of dealing with these strong emotions. But people can also have suicidal feelings and over time intent and planning can get stronger, people can lose their grasp on rationality (for example thinking their situation is so hopeless that those they love would be better off without them). The problem is that it's impossible for your friend to know what is going on or what the risks are. Ideally this person would go to A&E to be assessed by a Mental Health Practitioner who can untangle whether she has current symptoms of a mental illness or whether she reacting to and struggling to cope with a very difficult situation and what type of help (if any) she needs. If she will not seek this help herself your friend really needs to call the Police. I hope all works out well and this Mum reaches a place where she can move forward after the ending of the relationship.

Well he called them, he messaged a short one saying she’s ok but angry I haven’t heard anything since but will check in later, thank you, I am
Glad I gave the right advice just hope this doesn’t make everything worse. Feel for both of them.

It is the advice I would give. It is very much a case of calling her bluff. If there are genuine concerns, the police can get her help. If she is being a time waster, she will be given short shrift. If she does try to restrict access, it is formally documented with the police that she has pulled this stunt, thus supporting dad's case when he pushes for legal access.

Ok I now feel I made the right decision, he went to her eventually as she lied to the ambulance who left, when he got there she’s taken an overdose of painkillers, but is still refusing to seek help. He’s taken the rest of the tablets away.

God this is awful, he can’t force her to seek help, I’ve told him to go and find a family member (he has no numbers but does know the address). Not sure what else to advise him.

Where is the baby? She clearly can't be left looking after the baby if she is actively suicidal!

Call ambulance again if she lied to them? They can section her if needed

Or call police again and see what they advise

Ambulance crew can't detain people under the mental health act.

Overdosed of painkillers need to be assessed medically, especially if paracetamol. If she's taken an overdose of paracetamol then she needs to go to A&E and tell them how much she has had and at what time.

*overdoses

Baby still with her, I’ve told him to take the baby but he’s scared it will push her over the edge and feels like she has accused him so much of trying to take the child and making her MH worse (they have 50/50 he’s not a loser dad) it would prove her belief, he's wrong but what can I do? She also has older children but too young to be alone.

She did take paracetamol.

At the moment he’s hanging around her area trying to contact/find her family.

Police need calling again with updated information. She needs taking to A&E.

She could be saying this to manipulate him. But she could also be having a mental health crisis. Her family need to step in and get involved. And he can tell them he will do what ever he can to support the baby and his ex so long as it's is not directly supporting her. Otherwise she has learnt how to pull his strings.

Ambulance then a and e can assess her and contact the authorities as necessary. Take it out of his hands and let the professionals deal with it.

ambulance and possibly police and soon
and try and remove the baby