What should I do

[ambeee]

So I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks after the break up with my child’s father. We broke up because he was simply not ready and I needed more from him. He constantly made me feel less than I am and made every effort to engage in other conversations with other females. When I found out I was pregnant I was broken because I knew that I’d have to raise my baby alone and for me it’s terrifying because I saw my mom struggle. So fast forward I’m now three months pregnant. He’s still entertaining other females while around me and constantly drinking and hanging out with friends. I made it clear that my baby won’t be exposed to this especially since this stage of my pregnancy is crucially important. I’m a young mom and I don’t know what to do. I love my child’s father but he’s narcissistic and immature. Qualities I wish I wasn’t blind by before I got pregnant. I want the absolute best for my baby and I’ve decided to keep my pregnancy to myself, meaning at no point do I want him involved. Simply because he doesn’t put us first and it’s not healthy for me to be stressing over a childlike boy. He believes that I’m putting my personal feelings first when in reality I chose to stay away because he’s not ready to be a dad. If you are chasing behind everything except your baby, entertaining half naked girls on the internet and doing everything you shouldn’t then why should I allow you to be apart of my pregnancy. Tell me moms, how can I do better for my unborn baby because I don’t want it to grow up without both parents. Like I said, I have so much love for him because I believed he was better than this. Constantly I’ve been disappointed with the life choices and I give him advice so I’ve not fully given up on him and I’m trying just so my baby has a father. I’ve constantly threatened to take full custody when the baby is born but I don’t know. We’re both young, 19 his parents support in every way possible but he’s still a child. What can I do or say to him in order for him to realize that I shouldn’t be going through the stress he puts me through nor should or child feel neglected to his acquaintances.

So let me explain more, we’ve been dating for two years. I’ve n his backbone through everything. We practically lived together and this is how I got pregnant. I was constantly asking for more than the bare minimum because I deserved more I never cheated nor did I make him feel less than he was. We separated because he’s so young and believes that what’s in the world will give him the satisfaction needed. Constantly I tell him that his life choices has to change if he wants to be involved. He claims that he loves the baby yet his actions doesn’t meet his words. I’ve been giving this pregnancy my all trying everything in power to be healthy and work out a civil relationship with this narcissist. I’ve been physically mentally and emotionally tired simply because of my child’s father. He says that his baby isn’t here yet so he has no care in the world about what anyone says or does. If he doesn’t care now then why would he when the baby is here. I honestly hate the situation and I’d like for us to just fix the relationship and move on for the sake of the baby. I grew up in a single parent home and it was draining. I don’t want that for my baby and this is why I try so hard. But honestly I think it’s best I just the the strength and encouragement

A single parent home will be ten times LESS draining than this man giving you the runaround

Move on. He won’t change

You know your best best is to cut loose from this manchild.

And, can I say- it took you a 3 months (conception to now) to recognise that your unborn baby's father was a waste of space.

Really, did he change THAT MUCH in 3 months, or did you either not recognise Red Flags or chose to ignore them?

I wish you the best. But I fear you at have repeated your own mother's experience.

He's drained the life out of you. He will not change. You will always be unhappy if you stay with him

It took me less than three months, like I said, our relationship didn’t work out reason why we ended it. A narcissist knows how to switch his love on and off. Every time it was off I asked for more because this was not who I fell in love with. He had change because of the friends he worshipped and may I say how phones and social media has ruined everything for our generation. I simply had enough and from January I was leaving but I gave home the benefit of the doubt because he said everything I wanted him to say. MANIPULATING another quality to add. Now I just want a civil relationship with him for the baby’s sake but honestly I can’t because his actions are none of which I want to affect my baby. He has to make a complete change for me to even consider him being in our lives as just a friend and when I see he’s ready to become a father then that’s when he’ll be categorized as that.

It wasn’t a planned pregnancy. Never did I want to be a mom at 19 nor have a baby with someone so childish. He was never this way before. He was loving and always made sure that I was his number one. After a while he started to change constantly putting friends first and that is when I noticed that I better leave before I hate him. But it’s hard because he was my first, I never wanted to raise a baby on my own nor did I want to follow in my moms footsteps. I have a deadbeat dad and honestly I don’t want that for my baby. I may be young but I’ve raised my sister and brother to know that it is hard to do it alone but I’ll try my absolute best for my baby. Sometimes I just hope that the boy in him would turn into a man and that he’d realize how important it is to be a father. But if that day never comes I’ll play both roles

Sorry you’re in this situation. But it’s very unfair to blame him for being ‘young’. He is young. That’s just a fact. As are you. And all this drama and pressure to change sounds like it’s making things worse.

You’ll need to decide for yourself if you’re ready to be a single parent or if you want to explore other options. It would be best to assume that he won’t change, rather than having expectations in your head that he clearly won’t meet.