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Original poster

Is it his weekend? Or their weekend? Ex and the weekend activities.

14 replies

Freddiefox · 06/05/2021 12:46

My ex is being difficult about our children going to their sports clubs/parties on his weekends. He says it’s his weekend therefore he should be able to choose if they go or not. Or if they do go he should have extra time with them.

I’m of the opinion that it’s their weekend too, if he has plans to do something -friends, day out, then all good, they can miss that week. If they don’t have plans, and they are just sitting watching the tv and want to go, he should allow them to go.

I should point out: I asked him before I signed them up or accept an invite to a party.
He doesn’t take them- I do, and then take them back to his.
He rarely takes them out.
Why should they miss out.
I’m not asking him for any money towards it.

So am I wrong to say, not it’s not your weekend. It’s your weekend to parent your children, but it’s also their weekend.

Last time they were with him they spent 9 hour on the Xbox

OP posts:

Sprig1 · 06/05/2021 12:49

It's up to him what they do on 'his' weekend. Are they old enough to voice an opinion?

BeetyAxe · 06/05/2021 12:51

I totally agree with you and if the other poster thinks the kids should miss out because he’s a lazy pig then I wouldn’t like to see the state of her/his parenting! Of course he should bring them, it’s not their fault you’re separated and he’s lazy.

CornishGem1975 · 06/05/2021 12:52

It's his contact time, so he's free to do what he pleases with him on his time.

CornishGem1975 · 06/05/2021 12:53

I'm not saying that's necessarily right by the way - but it is the way it is. You can ask him to do the activities, but he doesn't have to agree, unfortunately.

custardbear · 06/05/2021 12:53

When I invite children from families who have split, the mum or dad usually said I'll check with ex as it's their weekend and they'll let you know

Ref clubs, surely if the child wants to go then both parents ought to accommodate where possible

Newnormal99 · 06/05/2021 12:53

I don't know how old they are but as soon as they are old enough to voice an option I would imagine they will refuse to go if they cannot go to activities.

I don't really get 'my' weekends as ex has nowhere for them to stay but I would be pretty annoyed if I had to run then about when I was meant to get a break!

My girls dad never plans anything with them when he sees them so my oldest often arranges to see her friends - I see her point as all she would be doing with him is watching tv!

Mrbob · 06/05/2021 12:53

It’s their weekend. Poor kids. But unfortunately you can’t make him be a good parent

FelicityPike · 06/05/2021 12:54

Morally he should take them IF they want to go, but legally unless it’s written in a court order, then it’s entirely up to him I’m afraid.
As my mum says, your kids won’t always be little, they’ll soon figure him out.

megletthesecond · 06/05/2021 12:55

It's their weekend.
This was what finally ended contact between XP. The family mediation officer wanted him to let the dcs do their thing and he was arsey about it.

rbe78 · 06/05/2021 12:56

I see both sides. Yes, ideally kids shouldn't miss out on their regular activities that they want to do.

BUT the NRP often doesn't get any say over what activites the kids sign up to, and it does eat into the time the kids get to spend with their NRP.

Spending (for example) Saturday morning at football may not seem a big deal to the RP, but one morning is a pretty small percentage of the time you get to spend with your kids. It's 25% of the time the NRP gets with them if they only have the kids EOW.

rookiemere · 06/05/2021 13:01

But surely ferrying DCs to and from their activities is part and parcel of parenting. Fair enough if RP has signed them up for loads, but for weekend football it's an opportunity to chat in the car and watch the DC playing. If they enjoy doing it, why wouldn't you accommodate that?
Plus as they get older often the trips to and from activities are your best opportunity to have a good chat with them.

Original poster

Freddiefox · 06/05/2021 13:22

Thanks all,

Yes children want to go. They are bored at his house. They have started to protest at going. They are 11 and 8. Of course it my fault they don’t want to go, not anything to do with him.

The youngest is refusing to go.
The reason I take them is because he won’t.

I did discuss the clubs with him before I started them up, and he was all in agreement however now the time is a reality he’s moaning that it eats into his time, which I’m sure it does. But I think they can look back and see that they were supported in their development, or look back and see boring weekends with him.

I have very little respect for him anymore. He’s lazy, there’s always an excuse. But above all I think he’s selfish and unable to put them first.

OP posts:

Triffid1 · 06/05/2021 13:22

This drives me crazy whenever I speak to my single friends. Of course the DC's activities should continue (although, I will add the proviso that they should be agreed by both parents, and DC, at the start if they are impacting both parents' time so RP shouldn't be signing kids up to multiple activities when NRP wants to use the time for other things). DS plays rugby - if DH and I split I would absolutely expect DH not to punish DS by not letting him go to rugby every second week when he had him.

We have had to change DS' birthday party dates in the past because his BF's dad refuses to allow the DC to attend any events on his weekends. DD's BF on the other hand, has no such problem and I land up seeing her dad as much as her mum - he'll drop her at ours or bring her to an event in exactly the same way that her mum would. It's so lovely to see both of them prioritising their child.

Original poster

Freddiefox · 06/05/2021 13:26

@Triffid1

He spouts on about how we should co parent, but he doesn’t mean that at all.

He thinks he’s good to let them go, never takes them anywhere. Moans that he is in the peripheral of their life. He could get involved more.
They play football, he loves football.

I think they will end up hating him.

OP posts:

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