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Not so much a handhold but a sympathetic nod in my direction needed

5 replies

Tinabn · 06/05/2021 07:51

Just had another night of dreams about cracks appearing on the walls as my subconscious doesn’t do nuanced. DH tries so hard to be supportive and is doing so much but I’m putting the pressure on myself. My DM (84), fiercely independent, large house and garden, has been ill since having pneumonia at Christmas. She is getting better but there are underlying problems and she is now having a variety of tests. The person she would discuss everything with was her DS(82) and they phoned each other daily, unfortunately her DS committed suicide this week, it was not a shock and the daily phone calls had been one sided and about this subject for months, which has added to my DM’s health problems but it is very sad. All her friends are now dead, or suffering from dementia, my siblings are either abroad or dealing with very frail PIL themselves, we all FaceTime during the week for coffee but she really only sees me and my DH. Tomorrow there is a hospital appointment, next week more blood tests and, in the middle, a lovely lady who is beginning to look her age who I am doing my best to support while feeling guilty for not being there 24/7, even though I do all the organising, shopping and ferrying around.
Sorry, just had to put this somewhere, I adored my aunt when I was young, guess this wasn’t the time to come off my anti anxiety medication.

OP posts:
TooManyAnimals94 · 06/05/2021 07:55

Sounds like you are doing all you can. How awful to lose a family member like that and especially for your mum as they were so close. Has she got any other support? If she likes a good chat on the phone I've heard Silverline are very good.

StroppyTop · 06/05/2021 07:55

I’m so sorry. What an awful thing to happen to you and your family, on top of what you are bearing already. I hope writing it down helps process it a little. Flowers

AtlasPine · 06/05/2021 07:57

It does sound really tough. I care for my unwell mum in her 90s - I do empathise. Do you have good friends you can talk with?

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Tinabn · 06/05/2021 08:34

Thank you for your replies, Stroppytop, writing it down does help.
AlasPine, the people I would talk to are going through their own difficult times! I’ve been wasteful with my friends as well, most were ‘meeting for coffee’ rather than close and the past year and a bit has seen an end to that.
Toomanyanimals, I don’t think she would talk to strangers really, she also tells people that she doesn’t worry about anything- she worries about everything- so would say she doesn’t need to speak to anyone. DH and I have told her that she can share any worries with us, she won’t so I will second guess, DH will not see the signs and tell me I’m worrying for nothing and then we deal with it.

OP posts:
StroppyTop · 06/05/2021 16:09

Hope you’ve had a reasonable day @Tinabn

Do what you need to do to get through the days, whether that’s back on your anxiety meds or takeaways every night.

Lockdowns have buggered up friendships, even close ones. I wonder if one or two friends would like to go for coffee or a walk if you could face messaging them some time?

Or just keep ranting here...

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