Money

[Poppypye]

Met up for breakfast with some friends today. There was 6 of us today.
When the bill came I went to pay my part and was told no as I'm not working right now.
I replied and said my bf gives me £100 a week so it's not an issue , well it was met with laughter and comments such as is this the 1950s.
It's made me feel stupid , I earn normally but unfortunately my contract as a private nurse ended as the family moved and I wasn't prepared to commute over hour n half a day.

I actually don't often spend the money and was saving it towards a house deposit But it is there if need or want it.

I paid my part and headed home but even as I was driving away I had the comments of don't forget hubby's tea dear .

I know they only teasing but he helping me out, or would they rather I claimed benefits like a couple of them are .

What is wrong with your friends claiming benefits if they are entitled to do so?

I was with you until “or would they rather I claim benefits”.
Judging you for your financial situation is shitty, judging them for being on benefits is also shitty.

It does sound like they were being dickheads and you’re not wrong to feel hurt, but don’t stoop to their level.

There is nothing wrong with claiming benefits please don't get me wrong .
Untill last year I'd been on / off benefits and so had my bf.

I wouldn’t ever accept a relationship where my OH dished me out an allowance, as if I were a child - particularly if, as in your case, he were only a boyfriend rather than a husband, and I’d given up my own career and earning potential. Why don’t you have equal access to money? You’re putting yourself in a very vulnerable position.

I haven't given up my career, nursing job applications are a lengthy process.
I've interviewed and got a job now waiting on checks.
He may not be my husband we live together for over 4 years and been together 7.

I don't see why you think I'm vulnerable , right now he pays for everything . I've done the calculations if I applied for benefits I'd get £19 . To be honest it's not worth the Hassel.
He is supporting me , just as I supported him a while back.

Have you children?

No we can't have children

Your first post gave the impression that you had made a mutual decision that you would not look for work after your contract ended because the commute was too far. Hence my comment that you were making yourself vulnerable by relying on him financially because it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, if you’re unmarried he could leave you tomorrow and no have no further obligation towards you. If you’re actively looking for work then that’s less of an issue.

It’s rather old fashioned, this idea that a man doles out a “housekeeping” allowance to his female partner, which is what I presume your friends were teasing you about. In a relationship of equals, you’d have equal access to money rather than being given your housekeeping or allowance every week But if this is a very temporary situation then it’s not a particularly big deal. What is it that you’re asking for advice on?

If you live with a bf and he is earning and you are not, then he is responsible for keeping you. I don't know what the 1950s comments are about. That is the reality in 2021 as well. Any benefit claim will take his earnings into account.

I think you got wrong idea about my situation.
I did not want to commute as a 12 hour shift is long enough as it is.
He could leave me if we were married so a bit of paper won't stop that.
I could go back to agency work tomorrow if I wanted to but frankly I want to return to NHS.
If he left me I'd cope , the house is in my name and I have some saved
I wasn't asking for advice I was expressing my feelings of how my friends made me feel.

If you have paid NI contributions over the past 2-3 years you are perfectly entitled to claim new style JSA ( contributions based JSA ).

I'd have to apply for universal credit I've already checked and now my bf changed jobs it's not worth it for such a short period.
I've asked my nursing agency and nothing local so I'm just waiting on my employment checks .

I don't see the problem. DH is a SAHD and he gets an allowance (as do I). We don't have an unlimited pot of money so he can't have free reign of it. Surely that is basic budgeting not being in control.

That's way I see it .
To me control would be saying get the weekly shop with that , pay bills etc and me having nothing .