How can I help my DP, his eating is out of control

[needhelpformydp]

I really don't know what to do.

DP has put on 10 stone since we met 5 years ago, 15 stone- 25 stone. He has never been slim and always enjoyed his food.

But this is out of control. I need to get him help because he is in complete denial.

If I call our doctor can they advise me? Or does it have to be him who calls- because he won't.

We have 2 young children. He snores and stops breathing in his sleep keeping me awake most the night. He is in 5 grand debt because of his takeaway habit. He only knows how to have fun with the kids by feeding them rubbish.

We have had many conversations about it.

He plays football once a week and sometimes goes for a 10 minute run around the block. I'm worried this might give him a heart attack or something.

You can't help him; he has to want to change.

I'm in a similar position with my DH, in that he has put on about 8 stone since we met and he just doesn't seem to have the willpower to lose weight long term.

He knows it bothers me and understands all the implications for his health and to our relationship, but still hasn't done anything about it, even after a health scare.

All you can control is your own reactions. Decide whether you want to stay with someone that doesn't value themselves, or you and your family, enough to keep healthy.

At least your dp will discuss it though, mine gets very defensive and we end up not talking for a while.

My DP has put on a stone due to poor habits and not exercising. That really annoys me as I worry about obesity. Now pandemic is over we are both going to exercise more etc
Can't even imagine 10st.
I'd find all those traits and behaviours deeply unattractive. I'd struggle to stay tbh.

I would class this type of our of control overeating as an eating disorder rather than an addiction, although it shares many similarities of course and the effect on friends and family is similar especially if he is getting into debt. The reason I think it's different though is that food is different to drugs, we don't need to give up eating it, it's more to do with relearning eating (and exercise) habits, dealing with mental health issues and balancing your hormones to normalize your appetite. I'm not saying it's easier than beating an addiction exactly, but there is a difference.

How did he react when there wasn’t enough money for the food bill?

Have you any idea what has triggered this food addiction OP? Did it coincide with any life events, did something happen to set it off? One doesn’t generally embark on a highly destructive binge without there being some sort of underlying psychological cause.

Sadly this is like any other addiction. The fact that it’s food and not booze or cocaine doesn’t really matter in that respect, it’s an addiction and behaves like any other. You are getting different responses on here than if you’d posted that he’s, for example, drinking, but that’s just the foibles of MN. The fact is that he has an addiction, it’s ruining his health and getting him, and by extension you and your DC into financial difficulty.

May I suggest you read up on addictions, because all the gentle chats in the world aren’t going to make the slightest bit of difference. Basically it’s like any other addiction, in that he’ll probably need a shock or to hit rock bottom before he wants to change, and make no mistake, nothing will change until he wants it to.

Sorry OP, this is really shit for you and I hope you manage to find a way to cope with it that doesn’t result in you getting dragged down too.

All you can do is try to talk to him. Not just about the food, about how he’s feeling, what he’s thinking, his hopes for the future, etc. See if you can find a reason for this, at least in part.

Would he cut out the takeaways? Or cut down? They sound a big part of the problem.

I'm sorry, everyone is right. You can't do anything, you've told him how you feel and he hasn't changed. You can either wait and see if he decides to do anything or leave if you don't want to watch him eat himself to death.

I have been overweight, nothing would make me do anything about it. Losing weight is really hard, I personally think it's impossible to do without becoming obsessive about it for a while.