Why do some women do this to other women?

[Thatsmycuppa]

I have know this school mum for a few yrs. She has opened up about her issues many times and I have been understanding and supportive.

Yesterday I met her at the school gates. We were talking general stuff when she suggested that I should find work immediately. I thought probably it was in good faith so I told her that our circumstances are different. I have a health issues and it's really not possible at the moment and I didn't wanted to tell her that. She knew I used to work in the past . She still kept going at it, so I added that I volunteer and she said it's nothing, in short totally disregarded it. Then she asked me how old I was. I am late thirties, she said I should have another child, I told her that I am happy with my children and not planning to have any more . To my astonishment she went on and on about my how my time is running out. Her word's were, your biological clock is running out, it's now or never for you. My last pregnancy was very hard for us and I thought she didn't know that so I mentioned but she said, we have spoken about it and I know however you should still try now. I was shocked by her audacity. Now I am feeling as if I could have done something to just change the topic but this women is persistent. I am tempted to mention something next time we meet should I? Or should I just ignore and carry on?

I think you should totally avoid her because she sounds unhinged. Just don't stop and chat.

She was one woman. Most women don't do that.

Avoid this person. She doesn't know what's good for you, and it's not her place to "advise" you on how to run your life.

Is she of a different cultural background? In some cultures this sort of intrusive questioning is considered normal. I ask because someone used to do this to me. She was from a European country and thought my insistence on privacy was rude. I kept her at a polite distance.

Just don't even bother with her, avoid. She sounds like a nosey bleeder.

Some people are insensitive.

I don't get the generalisation- has this happened before?

You say you know each other quite well and she had shared sensitive stuff. Was there reciprocity? Or did you just listen and be nice...? She sounds like a bit of a self centred person, had you not noticed before?

And if you know her pretty well why not just say. I really don't want to talk about this.

Tell her to mind her own business. Hate people like this. Unfortunately, they just go on n on, til you tell em.

You sound a bit. I dunno. You've listened to all her stuff nicely. You know her well. When she says stuff you don't want to talk about you aren't able to say stop it?

Did you say anything at all or just stand there and listen, sort of thing.

Are you not good at asserting yourself iyswim.

I also don't understand why you see this as a why are women so awful to women thing. It's one person. Loads of people are awful.

She said some women, not a generalisation. Some women ARE awful. Better than the "men are cunts" type statements we see round here without saying some. Now its about some women, it's so bad.

I am tempted to mention something next time we meet should I?
Yes, op you should. I'd tell her your uncomfortable with the conversation and you'd rather talk about something else. If she carries on just walk away

Why continue with such a conversation? She's intrusive, rude and inconsiderate and not worth any more of your time. Shut her down if you must speak to her or, better still, leave her to someone else. Sounds like the kind of person who'd invite you to a barbecue then ask to borrow yours.

I think when people talk like this, it's really themselves they are talking to. She probably feels her life needs a reboot - a new job or another child. It might irritate me but it wouldn't bother me.

Women don't do this to other women. She sounds mentally unwell.

She's a loon!

Groovegirl I agree. Somebof friends have been planning to meet up and were going to include this lady too but now I am thinking I might dip out as it's really not her place to say these things. No cultural issues as far as I know we both are from the similar background. She can be a bit competitive... When it comes to kids. When my dd won a competition she asked me if it's just one subject my dd is good in I was like, I don't understand what you are saying and she said how is your child in maths and other subjects, is she as good or not . I politely dipped out of the conversation.

Thank you whatabusybee. I think I might mention it next time. I felt as if no matter what I was saying she just kept going at it. It has been a stressful time for us and it was just one of the days when I didn't have enough energy to argue I guess.

I think you've just been unlucky - I've never met another woman who's behaved like that.

Some people, are just blunt, we all come in a myriad of forms. The cultural background I am from would mean this type of questioning is more acceptable. If your both English it’s way over the mark. I know I have to bite my tongue a bit around my English friends because they don’t like the directness that I was brought up with. Apart from one who says how I’m the only one she knows who will give a totally honest opinion even if uncomfortable to hear.

It is extremely hard to change someone’s personality traits even if we point them out, all we can do is try and control our own reaction to people’s behaviour. You don’t owe a very low level friend or acquaintance the time of day.

As a school gate friend it should be relatively easy to just avoid her somewhat.

Ah me too.

@Foodisascience

Some people, are just blunt, we all come in a myriad of forms. The cultural background I am from would mean this type of questioning is more acceptable. If your both English it’s way over the mark. I know I have to bite my tongue a bit around my English friends because they don’t like the directness that I was brought up with. Apart from one who says how I’m the only one she knows who will give a totally honest opinion even if uncomfortable to hear.

It is extremely hard to change someone’s personality traits even if we point them out, all we can do is try and control our own reaction to people’s behaviour. You don’t owe a very low level friend or acquaintance the time of day.

As a school gate friend it should be relatively easy to just avoid her somewhat.

What culture are you from if you don't mind me asking? I once had a job which involved meeting the public and a young woman came in and chatted to me for a while, then said "How much do you earn?" and I was I said "That's not something you ask people..." and she was very dismissive. She was Spanish.

This is normal “women talk” in some cultures. It’s considered bonding .

Just say, “I prefer to not talk about personal decisions”.

She sounds very awkward. She probably is just projecting her own inner commentary and you don't have to answer.

Just ask her back.
Captain Awkward 'You should get a job'
You ' do you have a job?'
CA 'You should have another child?'
You 'would you like another?'

What does her opinion matter?

I wouldn't drop out of meeting up with them all though (why should you miss out because of her?) but just shut her down straight away if she starts again. It sounds as though she was projecting tbh and you might find 'I'm happy with the way things are, thanks' on repeat does the trick.