To what extent do you regulate your child’s food intake?

[SomeCatsLikeCheese]

After seeing some of the recent threads on food on here, I’m curious as to the extent other people regulate their DCs’ food intake. Do you genuinely let them eat unlimited amounts of certain/all foods? At what age are they allowed to help themselves without asking?

DC1 is 5.5 and I struggle to know what the balance is on this. There are certain foods that he would eat in almost unlimited quantities if allowed, but he would restrict himself to those foods only, given half a chance. So for instance, he would eat three apples in a day rather than an apple, a banana and a pear. He is naturally fussy and has form for “going off” things he used to like.

I am curious as to whether other people would genuinely let their child eat eight pieces of fruit per day, etc! There’s only so many apples you can fit in a fruit bowl...

I'd let mine eat 8 Apple's if they really wanted them I guess, 8 Mr kiplings would be a definite no. My kids help themselves from when their able and largely their choice of snack is totally their choice within reason of course. They're not remotely greedy though.

I ate fuck all as a child, I don't want my children to be like that.

I think I'm on the laid back side of the spectrum.

If DS1 (5) wants to eat a couple of the same fruit, I let him - e.g. 2 bowls of blueberries, a couple of tangerines. Any more than that I tell him he'll get a tummy ache and to eat something different like toast.

He's not fussy, and skinny (because he spends his life jumping/bouncing) so as long as he doesn't eat too many treats per day and brushes his teeth I'm not that fussed.

The only thing I'm really strict about is squash/juice - because artificial sweetners don't agree with him.

DS2 (1) otoh I fret about as he is going through that annoying toddler only wants carbs and fruit phase.

I used to control what DS had access to in set amounts. But didn't "ban" foods.

So for example, we would have a big bag of crisps (like the sharing bag size) in with the weekly shop for the family. When it's gone it's gone. So DS could have crisps, but I knew he would only ever have the equivalent of max 2 packets a week.

Or I'd bake sweet treats about once a month. So maybe 6 cookies. They might last a day, or maybe 4. But nothing else would be made for a few weeks.

DC1 is very fussy and if I can get a single vegetable into him, it's a good day

DC2 is a brilliant eater, loves most healthy stuff as well as junk. Most days her diet is exemplary.

DC3 is disabled and has a rare condition which means her food and drink intake is closely monitored and very restricted. When I say she hasn't ever had crisps, biscuits or chocolate, I'm being literal.
She has a very healthy diet but we have obvious concerns how we will manage when she is older and has to restrict her own diet.

Money and hassle more of a problem to me. If I shop on a Saturday, I don't expect everything to have been eaten by Monday.

When they were smaller, I would make a snack after school. By the time they were late primary /early secondary I actually ended up giving everyone a shelf in the cupboard for snack, as one dc was underweight, and I realised that he wasnt getting to the food in time!

I say that a meal has to have carb, protein and fruit or veg. They need to ask for any pre-packaged snacks (like Trek bars) as they’re expensive but can have fruit, milk, toast etc any time. I don’t buy crisps, fizzy drinks or sweets except for parties, and cakes or biscuits are sometimes available when someone gives us some or DH buys them, so they can’t always choose those. It’s how I was brought up, so it seems usual to me.

Honestly I just let dd 4 eat whatever she wants, she asks or gets from the fridge/cupboard herself but thankfully that does always include at least 5 fruit/veg. If she starts to look overweight I will start to limit her but right now she's very active + walking 3-6 miles with me and the dog daily I'm not concerned.

In my experience the adults I know with a food problem tended to have a very restricted diet as a child

Interesting! I should say we have no rules around asking but he is still of the habit where he will ask for food rather than help himself. No concerns about weight or anything. He does need a lot of encouraging to drink enough, and he does have some bowel issues so we need to keep an eye on his diet - but it’s more that he would naturally limit his diet if left to his own devices and he has form for going off foods he’s not eaten for a while, which is frustrating.

We do regulate crisps and sweet stuff but not in an obsessive way (I don’t think!). It’s more the snacks that other people seem to say here are unlimited in their house like toast, fruit, yogurt, etc. My approach is a bit like yours, @Camomila, so if he’s had two slices of toast and is asking for a third, I’m would suggest a yogurt or banana.

@Iknowtheanswer, money and hassle are a factor here, not major issues but the grocery bill has gone up massively in the last year so I don’t really want to be buying 35 apples a week to allow me and DH to have some too! I aim to make a decent delivery last a week to ten days with a small top-up if needed.

I just try to steer towards healthier choices and have a restricted amount of unhealthy choices in the house.
If there aren't lots of bad food choices available, you don't need to say no, simply that there isn't any!

Can't stand all these recent threads about monitoring and regulating children's food intake. It's setting up so many potential future issues around food. I speak as someone who was first made to count treats aged 12 and have been a yoyo dieter with poor body image my whole life, so I absolutely refuse to raise my children that way.
Two rules in my house

1. Find a physical activity you like and do it regularly
2. Everything in moderation

Oh and I will add, my two DS are perfectly fit, healthy and not overweight so I am confident I have broken the cycle. Not about to weight them though...haven't a clue what they weigh.

@mozerella, that’s awful. I’m really sorry that was your experience.

I would never want to make my kids self-conscious about what they eat. I’m only interested in aiming for a balanced diet - there are no banned foods in this house. Oddly, the older one still has quite a lot of Easter chocolate left so is clearly able to self-regulate more than I thought!

[quote SomeCatsLikeCheese]@mozerella, that’s awful. I’m really sorry that was your experience.

I would never want to make my kids self-conscious about what they eat. I’m only interested in aiming for a balanced diet - there are no banned foods in this house. Oddly, the older one still has quite a lot of Easter chocolate left so is clearly able to self-regulate more than I thought![/quote]
Sorry I absolutely wasn't implying you were doing this, I was just having a rant about all the other threads where parents are obsessing about food intake and children's weight, I'm sure you will find a balanced approach

I let the kids have unlimited fruit and veg, but it needs to be something different each time. So in a day my dc might have an apple, pear, orange, banana, carrot sticks, cucumber, little tomatoes.. that sort of thing. They also have non fruit and veg snacks, but again it needs to be something different, so it could be a biscuit, cereal bar, malt loaf, cheese, bread sticks... you get the idea. These snacks are limited though, so if they had already had a couple of non fruit/veg snacks I would point them in the direction of the fruit bowl. I do this so they get a good varied diet instead of eating the same thing over and over and don't eat a lot of high sugar/fat snacks between meals. They are happy and never refused food when hungry.

I have to restruct my ds2's sweetie intake because he would eat sweets and crisps all day if I let him. The oldest has always been quite good at self regulating, but trying g to get either of them to eat fruit or veg is a fucking nightmare these days.

I'm really relaxed about this - my kids are older (age 11, 13 and 15) and they can all help themselves to snacks from the fruit bowl / cupboard / fridge as they like. The only thing I say is not to have a snack when we're going to have a meal soon. They're all really good eaters who eat well at mealtimes and like healthy food. They are also all really sporty and skinny. Maybe I'd have to be stricter otherwise.

I don't have anything on free access, except drinks.

Mealtimes are the only time for eating, but Dc do have "tea" when they get in from school, so 4 meals.

Tea is usually a slice of bread and chocolate spread, or biscuits or a bun, sometimes they choose fruit; DH and I usually just have a cup of tea to join in.

I restrict at the shop so we don't buy biscuits, cake, sweets, or fizzy drinks. We do bake and they get sweets from other people. They do snack but it's more cheese on crackers or hummus and cucumber sticks so things that are filling. DS is an apple addict and has been known to eat an entire bag in a day. We don't insist on them clearing their plate, however we regularly make things they find challenging and ask them to taste things regularly. If they don't like what is made they can fill up on carbs, if they are not hungry then don't need to eat. Children won't starve themselves (eating disorders excepted). We do have enough cash to be relaxed about food wastage and to afford more expensive healthy snacks.

I dont really regulate my children's food intake. They do ask before they eat usually but I don't really say no unless a meal is imminent. My children are actually quite good at self regulating, there is a cupboard bursting with snacks but they rarely bother with them. My 6 year old will gorge herself on berries so I do have to tell her to calm down on those so other people get a look in. My 4 year old just wants to eat yogurts and angel cake so I do have to limit those but if we don't have those she won't really bother. On the flip side, I don't make them sit there and eat all of their dinner before they can leave the table or have pudding or whatever. Our motto is "eat until your tummy is happy"

Mine are expected to ask before helping themselves to anything other than a drink of water (lower primary).

I do limit fruit after one too many tummy aches/runny tummy incidents caused by multiple pears, whole punnets of berries etc, so they are allowed one banana, one apple or pear and one other fruit portion per day. They can eat as many vegetables as they want. They’re allowed a biscuit or two after school and some chocolate or a few sweets after dinner, if they’ve made a decent attempt at main course. I don’t mind snacks, or pre bed “supper”, if they’re actually hungry, and snacks start off as fruit, cheese cubes, cereal bar etc but food rapidly becomes a bowl of unexciting cereal or bread and butter after that - the supply of “interesting snacks” is not limitless.

My main rule is actually just that all food and drink is consumed sitting at the table, except water in a non spill bottle. I suspect the inability to simultaneously eat and watch tv is a natural limit to their snacking tendencies...

@mozerella

Can't stand all these recent threads about monitoring and regulating children's food intake. It's setting up so many potential future issues around food. I speak as someone who was first made to count treats aged 12 and have been a yoyo dieter with poor body image my whole life, so I absolutely refuse to raise my children that way. Two rules in my house 1) Find a physical activity you like and do it regularly 2) Everything in moderation

Same here - my parents put a lock on the fridge. I was no more than a bit chubby :(

I was very careful not to give my kids issues. Both are teens now and have very healthy attitudes to food and not overweight nor are they particularly body concsious. They put limits on themselves to a certain extent - DS might say that he ate a lot for lunch so will have a smaller dinner - but they tend to be appetite based decisions.

No need to apologise, it’s difficult to read the tone sometimes! I think it’s very difficult where you have genuine concerns for your DCs in terms of their weight or attitude towards food.

I do know what mine weigh, very roughly, but that’s because they’re close to growing out of their car seats.

God, if I let mine have unrestricted access to food (they're 8 & 5) they'd eat Frosties, crisps, biscuits, cake, chocolate and maybe some cheese. It's my responsibility to help them learn to eat healthily and that it means being able to eat the Frosties, etc, but making sure you also eat (more of) the stuff that has a high nutritional value. I don't want to 'ban' any type of food from the house (my mum did that, and as a result I was obsessed with sweets and stuff like that as a kid), so until they learn how to moderate their intake of the unhealthy stuff and what a healthy, balanced diet means, then it's my job to help them regulate what they eat.

I also think a lot of kids' relationship with food is a personality thing. DD (8) could eat chocolate until she threw up. She has a massively sweet tooth like me and DH. DS (5) will eat a bit of a piece of cake and then leave it. He's just not that bothered by it, or that interested in food in general. We've parented them both in exactly the same way when it comes to what we feed them.

Speaking as a parent of 1 slim and typically hungry DC and 2 quite overweight and absolutely voracious DCs, who have been that way since birth - it's easy to be laid back when your DCs are already more or less in touch with their own appetites. It's really, really hard when they aren't. And if I hadn't experienced DCs who consistently over-ate, I'd probably be yet another smug voice coming on to say that my DCs had open access to the fruit bowl, served their own portions etc and were fine.

Particularly for my DC with ASD, I do regulate quite a bit. They're always allowed to ask for seconds or choose their snack from a nutritious selection (e.g. fruit, oatcakes and cheese, veg and hummus, crackers with peanut butter), or leave anything too - but I do serve up smaller portions and am strict on only 2 snacks if it's a regular day.

There should be more support for parents with naturally heavier DCs, so often we are told by professionals to cut out McDonalds, when it's not about that at all, and then left alone to worry about leaving our DCs overweight and bullied or with health impacts, or equally bad if not worse, with an eating disorder.

Lastly, some of the relaxed parents possibly shouldn't be quite so chilled - on the thread by the worried mum earlier, there were a lot of posters coming on to talk about how they and their DCs are 'big boned" and "heavily muscled' so had significantly overweight BMIs. That's surprising, when bone makes up a small percentage of weight, and muscle is not going to swing you from healthy to obese unless you're Venus Williams or a hobbyist powerlifter..

So in answer to what you're saying, no I wouldn't personally let even my quite skinny DC eat 8 apples as it's expensive and a pain to replace - but it's really worth trying to let them have a chance of being in charge. We tried the Ellyn Satter method, it unfortunately didn't work for my ASD DC, but I think her approach of shared responsibility is a really healthy one, even if it leads to a little more pickiness or food waste in the short term.

@OverTheRubicon that is a very good point. A relative fosters and has cared for children that for various reasons didn't control their own appetite and the adult input that was needed was very different to what you'd do with a child who has not had that child's issues.