Trying to decide why I feel so negative towards my family

[user57754]

Trying to get some objective opinions on my situation with my family.
Basically never really close to my sister she was a bit of bully and use to belittle me etc. I suppose typical sister stuff but we never became close when we got older. We are just very different people.
When I had DS she suddenly wanted to become a big part of our lives. I found it overbearing and fake. We had a number of issues/falling outs during the first few months of my maternity. One was her constantly wanting alone time with my DS. She basically wanted me out the way. I EBF and quite simply didn't want to so said no. She had already done other things that I wasn't happy with like postings images of him over social media when I ask everyone not to.
My biggest issue is my mum, who I was close to, kept getting involved. She would regularly ring me up saying how my sister is so upset I won't let her have my DS. She said she couldn't understand and that I was too possessive over my DS. The thing is I did let other family members look after him (they didn't know this.) I just felt my sister couldn't respect basic request and I just didn't feel happy with it. As a parent I felt it was my decision and should be respected.
Many other issues beside this one happened but with a similar pattern.

Not fast forward two years I still have resentment/anger towards them. A close friend of mine who I admitted this to said she felt like their behaviour could be seen as gaslighting me as they regularly belittled me.

I feel like I just can't get my relationship back to the way it was with my mum. I feel sad about it. I can't explain why. I love her very much and her health isn't the best. But we use to talk for hours I use to tell her everything now I don't.

Is it me? Do I need to get a grip and get over some disagreements?

I think it takes a lot of working out. It is very easy to feel those around us have amazing extended families, constantly supportive, always put family first and would sell their kidney to get their children on the housing ladder.

The reality is very different for loads of people but we are not allowed to speak about. So on reflection as adults our parents may have seemed emotionally unavailable but as far as they knew their parenting was fine. The family was very nuclear and visiting grandparents and the odd cousin was a duty. Or there are the massive extended families that are in and out of others houses but actually overlooked lots of shite and it is 'normal in this family'.

Most families are not as they appear on the outside, they are complex and being related by birth does not make us the Waltons.

My family to some extent feels fucked up, but as I have got older I understand it better. Late DH's family is a lovely bubble of unconditional love, acceptance and first generation imigration and hard work and aspirarion. However they are not without issues. I work in child protection and as much as I see toxic family relationships, I get that it is not as simple as just understanding this after being raised in this, as were your parents.

OP, like much of life, I think there is loads of crap portrayed on social media about families now which has no reflection on reality. The same on TV. Working at being a family is hard, Add into the mix instagram ready houses, bling birthdays and spending hundreds on a 16 year olds prom. People are measuring themselves against this crap and self proclaimed 'mummy experts' who have been savvy enough to generate a fan base. Really we should be talking about how hard parenting is, how isolating it can be, how it fucks women's careers and most importantly for loads of parents (particularly women) it does not come naturally. So as a society we are all responsible for our little people rather than assuming parent should just het on eith it and judging when they get it wrong.