school mums friendships

[bama81]

is anyone else struggling to make friends and get invited to play dates? I have tried instigating play dates but as my DD isn't the most social i struggle to get included and feel left out.

I try going to the park and things after school and although i do chat to a couple of mums my kids just want to go home, and i end up cross with them because it feel i will never make any if i am unable to get to know them.

i did go on a few play dates with one mum but she just stopped talking to me, i had another mum friend that i saw a lot of without our DD as they arent really friends but now shes friends with the mum that dropped me its totally awkward.

i just feel so left out and end up not seeing anyone and my kids dont get any play dates

just need to rant or i will cry

I have been monumentally unsuccessful in making friends via pre-school/school so can sympathise as it's not a nice feeling.

What age are your DC though? I think there's a turning point in making friends via your children. Babies and toddlers it's easier, you meet other parents at the park etc and if you like via them it doesn't matter really about whether the kids get along / what they think about it. However, by about 4 I've found it really starts to turn around. You might get on well with another parent but the kids might just not get along. Or the kids might get along great but the parents might not (which is then extra awkward if they're too young to go on playdates alone). My eldest DD is 5 and I found that hard as we invited kids on playdates but it was never reciprocated and it's hard not to take that personally when it was clear that my DD and their friend were getting on really well.

We have moved, and that combined with covid has given me a bit of space to reflect and relax about it all (the place we lived before was really cliquey and it was hard not to feel like a pariah to be honest). So far with all the socially distanced drop offs I haven't met any other school parents, but my DD has made a friend and settled in well. Meanwhile, I'm trying to take a new approach. If I want to make friends I will be trying to do it on my own terms, they don't necessarily need to be mum friends. As my DC grow older they'll figure out their own path with friends I hope. I was thinking about it the other day and actually I didn't really have playdates growing up. I had one best friend who lived locally (who I didn't go to school with), but other than that, nothing really. If your DD isn't the most social it doesn't seem worth putting pressure on, let her be herself.

Sorry, that was pretty long-winded. Just wanted to say I feel your pain, but try not to lose confidence in yourself. If they don't want to be your friends then sod em, look elsewhere.

Why do your kids want go home, mine are generally cold or hungry, so we wrap up and I take a bag of snacks with us.
I'd keep persisting ten mins here and there can make a great start and a good grounding for a friendship.

You need to stop seeing your dd’s school as a place to make friends for yourself. Let dd make her own friends and support her.

There's a mumsnet saying
"School is for children", which I've always found comforting in similar situations

Thank you all for the replies you're all right it's for the children to make friends but that's my worry, that everyone is getting invited to play dates and we aren't. Covid hasn't helps my oldest is 6 so missed a lot and social distancing hasn't helped.

Mine are both shy and home bodies which I think is why they want to just go home, I hope it changes for them as they grow and make more friendships. I used to love going to play at peoples houses while I mum chatted, it was mainly my brothers primary school friends mums as he was older.

Went lockdown eases, start inviting dc over on a 1:1 basis. My dc found it easier to start friendships that way. Have some activities ready for if things flag.