Changes for a happier life?

[Wheresmybiscuit3]

Hello all,

Stuck in a bit of a rut and feeling a bit blue. Nothing is actually wrong. We have two lovely children (5+7), our marriage is good, my husband has a good job and I’m self employed... I just feel... blah.

For those that have been here. What’s the best change you’ve made to make yourself feel happier?

Thank you

Avoid alcohol - it lowers mood
Get outside every day, without fail
Exercise - find something you become addicted to
No toxic people in your life especially people who drain you emotionally
Lots of sleep
Chocolate
Sex

@KateWinsome

Navel gazing was a bit harsh of me OP. I think I was probably addressing myself

It’s okay. No offence taken here

I think most people are feeling stuck in a rut and meh 😞 I’d say that having dogs is the thing that keeps my happiness levels up. I get outside every day and see people to have have a bit of doggy chit-chat with. They definitely enrich my life 🙂

I agree with the poster who said minimalism. I love not living under mountains of clutter after years of doing just that.
If it interests you OP, look at www.becomingminimalist.com or www.zenhabits.net
Living simply makes me really happy and has helped me slow down.
I hope you find what you are looking for

Definitely agree lots of people are feeling washed out and lacking - post lockdown I think.
Sometimes "acting as if" can be helpful, e.g. behaving in a way that you would do if you felt happy. That could be - doing something small.

Going to look into minimalism thank you

How are you feeling now @Wheresmybiscuit3?

Get a dog and a cleaner

It might be worth reading Paul Dolan's Project Happiness as it gives in interesting view on what happiness actually is.

In short, happiness is achieved through a balance of doing things that make you happy AND make you feel like you have a purpose. And that your attention is limited, so focusing that attention on either activities that make you happy/feel like you have a purpose can help you feel happy.
For example, I don't know how you feel after spending an evening aimlessly scrolling through MN, but I get a large amount of guilt. I KNOW I could have spent that time doing something more constructive, be it reading a book that I really enjoy (happiness) or doing some study (purpose). My attention is in the wrong place.

So is it worth you thinking about whether you are directing your attention towards things that give you enjoyment or fulfil a purpose? Do you have the balance right? Too much purpose (cleaning and looking after the kids) and not enough joy?

@BookWorm45

Definitely agree lots of people are feeling washed out and lacking - post lockdown I think. Sometimes "acting as if" can be helpful, e.g. behaving in a way that you would do if you felt happy. That could be - doing something small.

Yes. I read an article on this recently. It's been given the name 'languishing', and looks set to be a dominant emotion during 2021!

www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/well/mind/covid-mental-health-languishing.html

Sleep is so important. I sleep in a separate bed to my husband several nights a week. It’s worth it for some really good quality sleep. If you don’t have a spare bed could you set yourself up on the sofa for a night or 2 and see how that goes?

I’ve realised I like to have a project on. I think it fits with that sense of purpose that a pp talks about. so maybe planning a holiday, or redecorating a room, or undertaking some training etc.

I redefined 'meh' as contentment.

I had a think about what my upbringing was like - I had quite a lot of stress in mine and so peace and quiet felt wrong. But now I see that peaceful contentment is great. I do have happy times but contentment is my aim.

Lead a values based life, not a goal based life.
Aspire not to get a good job, earn more money, get the masters degree etc.
Instead aspire to be a good friend, a kind stranger, a better listener etc.

Also join a choir.

I’ll say what I always say, go to parkrun and volunteer.

In your case...sign up the kids and this Sunday morning go to your nearest junior parkrun. Go round the course with them. Next time, volunteer. You do not have to run! Walking is fine ! It’s only 2k

Seeing the sense of achievement from the kids involved is a huge mood booster, and getting involved yourself gives community.

www.parkrun.org.uk/

Getting quality sleep
Giving up alcohol makes a huge difference, it can take you from meh to peaceful & happy and helps with sleep.
Eating well
Writing down 5 good things about your day
Writing down what’s worrying you and going back over the previous weeks worry’s. You’ll often find the worst case scenario rarely happens & it’s encouraging to see that.

And everything @WhoEatsPopTarts said too!

Haven't read it yet, but the Blue Zones of Happiness is on my wish list. Analysis of people who live in places/countries with the highest rates of satisfaction.

@Fnib

How are you feeling now *@Wheresmybiscuit3*?

Still low but I’ve stopped smoking for over two weeks now and I’m trying to work on everything else. I’ve stopped avoiding work (self employed) and we are getting a dog.

Hopefully things will improve!

I’d just like to add that we have always wanted a dog. It’s not a whim. I feel better than I did. I think I have been depressed for a while but haven’t wanted to admit it.

I’ve also started meditating again. That helps somewhat.

I’ve realised I lived a very spontaneous life before Covid and I miss that. I’m not a planner. I just like to get up and go and visit places without much planning. I very much miss that. It’s part of why I became self employed.

Also realised I am very much burned out. Worked throughout the pandemic and I work in health.

It doesn’t help that my husband and I are living in each other’s pockets as he is working from home.

With time and space I will be very much okay. Here’s hoping

Hmm, I feel the same.

I try to:

Get outside as much as possible
Socialise loads, even if I don't feel like it at all. It's usually an effort, but I do enjoy it.

Eat well.

I've been doing the whole minimalism thing too - I've been selling stuff on Marketplace, so that's a two fold benefit. Less stuff and money in my pocket.

Just seen you're getting a dog! Brilliant

Also we adopted a dog and we had to give her back in the end as family member changed their mind.

That probably didn’t help!