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Moving dilemma advice desperately needed!

4 replies

Cranberry2020 · 27/04/2021 08:35

Hi MN

We have a situation developing which is becoming harder to see the way through and would appreciate some views on....

I’ve been offered a great, well paid job in Somerset to start sometime in the summer if I accept. DH was made redundant in 2020 due to the pandemic and has retrained and secured himself a role in the SE where we live (not London, we live by the coast...) his role is less well paid than my offer role but is a good foundation starter for him. He’s over 45 so we’ve been concerned about him getting another role as a new-starter.

My role is in Somerset (it was random, I applied to the role I wanted rather than the place...) We’re keen to move out of our current area which is near where we both grew up as children (just the town we live in and could move locally about 45 miles too) and have been toying with the idea for some time. Had there not been a pandemic we may have done it already. Somerset offers us a slightly better quality in terms of facilities and has less deprivation BUT we’d be leaving family and friends... (my mum/dad says they’d move with us though). We also have a 3 year old who I’d like to go to preschool and then school, Somerset has plenty of nice schools.

The issues as I see them are:

  • DH might struggle to get any role in Somerset. It’s not got the same employment opportunities. After 18 months /2 years in this job in the SE he would be more able to get a role in Somerset.
  • I’ve secured my dream role but that role is available all over the place. I would still probably have to leave the exact town I live in but there’s a similar job in many regions. Jobs don’t come up that regularly though. If I stay in the SE it’s fine, my job is ok but I’m not progressing my career the way I’d like to....
  • I don’t want to work FT. I’ve provisionally negotiated a possible flexible timetable less than FT in Somerset
  • however, if DH does not secure a role I might be pushed into working FT
  • by moving to Somerset even though I would have a better paid job, in the SE we both have jobs so we would immediately lose almost half our income + overnight.
  • we used to enjoy SE things more like popping to London for a show etc. Now with C19 we’re unsure when/if that might realistically return.
  • leaving family, friends, connections (work etc) and how to find these again during a pandemic?

The solutions??

  • DH take the job in SE, job partly home working, partly office based. Could negotiate?
  • I take job and it would most likely be remote initially.
  • when we move to Somerset, DH, if he cannot secure a nearer job, would have to do the long trip back weekly (hopefully only for 2 day’s but completely unknown!) to continue the SE job.
  • we decide to both stay in the SE with our jobs, wait 18-24 months then look again. DH might be able to move then and I might be lucky enough to secure another similar role....possibly in another place
  • another option I haven’t yet thought of?

So MN’ers, give me your thoughts, insights and solutions 🙈☺️

OP posts:
LipstickLou · 27/04/2021 08:54

DH might struggle to get a job and might not. Can you reduce your spend so that you can live on one salary? My husband always followed my job however he is a key worker so can work in any town. I would take the job in Somerset if it is say £20k more than you earn now and live frugally. Make plans to move and see how the role goes. It will take 6 months to bed in and pass any probationary period. You will then know if you like it. I stayed in B & Bs a couple of nights a week for new roles whilst I looked around the location for somewhere to buy. You don't rally know a place until you live there and job descriptions rarely turn out to be accurate.

Soontobe60 · 27/04/2021 08:59

What does your DH actually want to do?

Chatanooga1 · 27/04/2021 09:23

If he doesn’t get a job in Somerset then his ego may feel crushed and resentment set in that you have w great job.

It’s human nature to feel left out in these kind of situations so you have to have lots of talks about the emotional impact in each other and your relationship if things work out for one and not the other.

Cranberry2020 · 27/04/2021 09:40

Hi thanks

  • the new role is only a few thousand more but it’s more about future progression
  • DH wants to move... he did have a key worker job (teacher) so could return to that but wanted to change careers so he’s trying to do that currently.

I’m thinking (at the moment but keeps changing lol!) we might stay in SE and just work for for 18-24 months to get his new career off the ground. Then look after that. We could also move in the meantime as we can live anywhere in the county and do our jobs so that might help some of the itchy feet!

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