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Original poster

Where is my Daddy

14 replies

Anordinarymum · 27/04/2021 00:23

My grandson has not had any form of contact with his father since he was a few months old. To explain why would be wrong of me but there are several reasons why he is not in his life and is very unlikely to be for the foreseeable future. The main male role model in his life is his uncle and he is brilliant with him, however he does not live with him and my grandson knows he is his uncle.

He is two and a half and has started to ask randomly 'where is my daddy'.

We do not know what to say to him because we don't know what is going on in his head and if we tell him something it might make him start asking lots of other questions we may or may not be able to answer.
The main thing is to give reassurance and comfort, but how?

Has anyone else been in this situation and handled it well ?

Any advice would be much appreciated

Thanks

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 27/04/2021 00:39

Well it's impossible to say without knowing the situation and you say you can't tell us
I would say tell the truth. You don't have to tell the whole truth for example if it's too much for him at the minute but that's usually the way to go

ZoeMaye · 27/04/2021 00:41

Mine did this for a while turned out he couldn't say teddy yet

Original poster
Anordinarymum · 27/04/2021 00:47

I wasn't being ambiguous. There was DV, drug and alcohol abuse.

OP posts:

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Families
WorraLiberty · 27/04/2021 00:51

Why does he think at 2 and a half years old that he should personally have a daddy?

If he's never had one (which to him he hasn't) then surely it's no different to him saying "Where is my pony?" Or "Where is my dinosaur"?

Original poster
Anordinarymum · 27/04/2021 00:54

I think it could be because he attends nursery where other children's daddies collect and drop them off. He is a bright little soul and picks things up quickly.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 27/04/2021 00:58

He has some problems and he's not healthy enough to look after you at the minute?

IndecentCakes · 27/04/2021 02:04

He has some problems and he's not healthy enough to look after you at the minute

I think this isn't quite the right approach. It is too much information, and contains concepts he won't be able to understand.

I'd suggest, as I've done myself (my brother is gay and has a 2 dad family, we have a lone parent Mum friend) that you simply talk about different kinds of families: "Some families have a Mum and Dad, some have two Mums, one Mum or one Dad, and some have a Mummy (presumably), Grandma and Uncle who love them very much, just like you.

Original poster
Anordinarymum · 27/04/2021 02:18

@IndecentCakes

He has some problems and he's not healthy enough to look after you at the minute

I think this isn't quite the right approach. It is too much information, and contains concepts he won't be able to understand.

I'd suggest, as I've done myself (my brother is gay and has a 2 dad family, we have a lone parent Mum friend) that you simply talk about different kinds of families: "Some families have a Mum and Dad, some have two Mums, one Mum or one Dad, and some have a Mummy (presumably), Grandma and Uncle who love them very much, just like you.

I think this sounds very sensible. To explain without making it personal might just be the way to approach the subject when he brings it up.
OP posts:
starrynight21 · 27/04/2021 02:40

"Some families have a Mum and Dad, some have two Mums, one Mum or one Dad, and some have a Mummy (presumably), Grandma and Uncle who love them very much, just like you

This is perfect .

AMillionMilesAway · 27/04/2021 03:25

Agree, it's better to talk about different kinds of families at the moment. As he gets older you can get more in depth, If he asks.

LittleRa · 27/04/2021 03:47

Try this story book: All Kinds of Families. I used to read it to my daughter when her Dad and I split up and subsequently got with new partners, over the period of her being 3-6yo.

Kinds of Families [[https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1405298235/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_YP6ST5CG2A9T0Z0Q4EAK?psc&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-211]]

RosieLemonade · 27/04/2021 06:24

@WorraLiberty

Why does he think at 2 and a half years old that he should personally have a daddy?

If he's never had one (which to him he hasn't) then surely it's no different to him saying "Where is my pony?" Or "Where is my dinosaur"?

We are in a very similar situation with my DN. I can't imagine that it is that surprising that they have noticed they don't have a daddy when other people do. I find this comment purposely obtuse and unhelpful.
Embroideredstars · 27/04/2021 07:25

Excellent suggestion above. Short simple factual.

There are different types of families but the main thing you end on everytime is "you have x, y and z who love you very much".

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