In retrospect, what wasn't worth the stress?

[RegretMeNot]

Looking back on your younger years, what did you worry about/put too much emphasis on that, in hindsight, wasn't that important?

That’s just not true for a lot of people. Lots of jobs have minimum GCSE requirements.

Well it's true for that poster

Looks, weight, clothes. University.

On the back of another thread - reading diaries. I ended up just writing anything in that I thought would keep school happy. Kids are adults now doing degrees so I guess they read enough after all, I can't believe I stressed so much about it at the time!

My GCSEs. I was convinced that if I didn't do well I was going to fail at life. I revised every single day for 14 hours a day throughout the entirety of year 11.

I nearly killed myself with stress, panic and over-work.

Yes, I did well. But 20 years on? Can't even remember the bloody grades.

Luckily I learned my lesson after that and slacked off a lot more after that. If anything you could say I peaked too soon.

Men!

The amount of angst I used to go through for a different man on a near monthly basis. Had they read my text? Why hadn’t they responded? Did they really like me? I can see why I drove so many away 😂

Then met DP and it was all so easy and zero drama. I’m glad he didn’t meet early 20s me

Also breastfeeding my first. I nearly killed myself over it, felt worthless & ashamed for mixed feeding, hid in park shelters rather than bottlefeed instead of my nct group etc etc. Meanwhile unashamed bottlefeeders merrily went on their way with their guzzling bumper babies! My second had a massive mouth and breastfed like a dream but the difference now they're big kids is ZERO.

Wearable tech

Birth. Breastfeeding. Baby care in general. Now they’re bigger I can see that actually it didn’t matter at all how I gave birth or that breastfeeding was a disaster or whether they had enough hours of tummy time or whatever. At the time it was all consuming.

Trying to make bad or lacklustre relationships work and days become weeks, months and then years of wasting your life being with the wrong person.

Fretting about being short (I'm 5 foot) and ugly. I had a horrible self-image when I was younger and it just made me miserable. While I still don't think I'm stunningly attractive, I'm much more comfortable with who I am and I scrub up well (when I bother). Also, trying to lose weight - I spent a fair chunk of my 20s obsessed I needed to get below a certain weight / dress size.

Trying to persuade DC1 to self-settle - it drove DH and I to distraction that this baby would need feeding and multiple cuddles to sleep and we had to try and resolve it. So many broken wasted nights. DC1 is now nearly 6 and sleeps just fine now.

@SusannahMartin

I always worked too hard. I'm successful now and it's certainly connected but if I had my time back I'd put in less effort. I'm trying to do that now

Such a good point. I've realised this too. I haven't changed yet, not properly.

Looking back, I stressed most of my life. What a bloody waste...it wasn't worth it.
Stress over exams at school....didn't do well mostly due to nerves, but still got into university.
University...was fine but I'd have been better getting a trade and a proper job straight away!!

Husband/children/family life. Oh the stress! Trying to make it all perfect, perfect home, perfect kids. Home life was fine, we grew up, we moved on. What a waste of time which should have been spent enjoying being a parent and having fun together rather than the constant striving for perfection..

I divorced, stressed about two other relationships in my life, probably the worst waste of my emotional energy when I should have been enjoying those years. Now I am older I really don't care for relationships (just good friendships are fine), I don't worry about fashion or whether I look young/old/wrinkled or not, nor any other such rubbish. Sadly I am in my 60s before I have realised this, wasted my life on worry and stress....I hope others do better than I did.

Another one saying GCSEs. I could have done just as well in my career with a handful of C grades rather than working my arse off for top marks.

Trying to maintain a relationship with abusive parents. I should have gone NC far earlier than I did.

@ThePlantsitter

Also breastfeeding my first. I nearly killed myself over it, felt worthless & ashamed for mixed feeding, hid in park shelters rather than bottlefeed instead of my nct group etc etc. Meanwhile unashamed bottlefeeders merrily went on their way with their guzzling bumper babies! My second had a massive mouth and breastfed like a dream but the difference now they're big kids is ZERO.

I literally could have wrote this! Came here to say breastfeeding!

Currently exclusively pumping for my second, and suspect in a few years time my reply to one of these threads will be “breastfeeding, then exclusively pumping!”

Men
Staying with the same employer for years
Seeing my worth tied up in others
The size of my bottom
Being upset about things not being fair

Trying too hard to keep everyone happy - parents, teachers, employers, boyfriends, (ex)husband, children and be the 'perfect' daughter, pupil, e'ee, wife, mother.

OMG, exhausting! And to the detriment of me usually.

I'm glad I put so much effort into being as good a mum as I could/can be but the rest of it.....nope. Looking back I should have looked after myself more.

And Christmas! A huge stress and build up each year for one flipping day! Perfect table settings, roast potatoes, tree, gift-wrapped presents.... wore myself out for guests who didn't actually notice! Apart from my mum and I've realised nothing I do will ever no good enough, but that's really not MY problem.

The size of my nose

Breastfeeding / angst over bottles

My relationship with my mother - at some point I realised that I wasn’t and couldn’t be responsible for her happiness and it was like a light switched on.

Men - does he like me, why isn’t he texting rah rah rah. So glad I’m through that phase!

Trying to make friends/ worrying if people liked me

Now almost 40 & accept that I’ll never be well-liked or popular no matter what I do, I’ll probably always be a slightly lonely oddity

Making my parents proud. It never worked.

What other people think of me. I couldn't give two fucks anymore and life is so much less stressful.

That I was too hairy, I’m not
Men

Trying to get DC1 to self settle and sleep through.

Life would have been (and eventually was) much easier with an approach of “this is what our baby is like, how do we work with that” rather than “this is what our baby is like, how do we change her”.

Pleasing everyone, the bane of teen years.

Another one for pleasing others. There are people (MIL) who think I'm not good enough. Bit my value now to me is measured by who I am not what I'm worth.

Men. I was obsessed with making relationships work even when all the signs were there that it was not worth bothering! I was just so convinced I would end up alone if I didn’t. I put a lot of boyfriends off with my intensity. I wish I had just relaxed and enjoyed going out with different guys and had some relationships that were just of their time instead of treating each one like a serious long term prospect. Even DH thought I was quite mad when I first met him but then he realised he couldn’t be without me I’d like to think that if anything awful were to happen and I ended up single again I would be able to be more mature and rational about dating (but I’d probably be just the same )

Spending time/ money on my appearance. No one cares.
I keep clean, brush my hair and may wear a tiny bit of cheap makeup on special occasions. That’ll do.