Would you be upset at this birthday present?

[Hightideattheseaside]

A box of malteasers.

Now I don’t want expensive gifts. I’m not materialistic and I got a puppy recently which obviously was a lot of money these days. So I wasn’t expecting anything fancy or expensive. But for some a reason a box of malteasers has really upset me.

I don’t have many friends so I have about 5 cards from family. And a couple of text messages. So the only person in my life to make me feel special is my DH. There are so many cheap but quirky or personalised thing you can get people these days to show that you put in a little thought and care about the other person.

I feel very unloved today.

That’s the kind of gift that says ‘I didn’t spend any time thinking about the things that spark joy in you but you like chocolate so I can’t go wrong with a box of Maltesers’.

That could mean that he is just clueless about gift giving and has been influenced by his upbringing perhaps from a time when people didn’t buy fancy gifts for one another as they do now.

It’s the equivalent of your buying him socks or a tie.

Did he buy you the puppy?

Do you usually do presents? What did you give dh for his birthday?

Dh and I don't do presents as we're both fussy about stuff and detest knick knacky things that collect dust. So usually it will be something like a box of maltesers as a little treat or cook a favourite meal with a decent bottle of something.

If you are big present givers usually though I can see why you're annoyed.

No I brought the puppy. Well she’s a family dog. We have young kids (not old enough to do something for me really). While it was me that really wanted the dog we did agree it together and she was brought from our savings to add to our family life.

Agree @Chatanooga1 it just screams this was an after thought. Thanks for the card j

We don’t do big presents which is fine but I usually try and put some effort in. Tickets to a comedy gig. Some new mountain biking equipment etc. Something I think he will like and enjoy. I would always rather something that cost nothing or a fiver but the other person has considered what I like and though ah yes hightide would enjoy that. It’s that though and time taken that makes me feel special not the gift itself really.

Do not share them op..
My dh's habit is to announce he has bought me something nice..
Then expects to eat half!!

We don’t do big presents which is fine but I usually try and put some effort in.

Doe he usually put in a similar level of effort or is this an expected level of gift from him? I'm sorry you're feeling so unappreciated, hopefully you still have a lovely day with the kids and the new pup.

@Hightideattheseaside

We don’t do big presents which is fine but I usually try and put some effort in. Tickets to a comedy gig. Some new mountain biking equipment etc. Something I think he will like and enjoy. I would always rather something that cost nothing or a fiver but the other person has considered what I like and though ah yes hightide would enjoy that. It’s that though and time taken that makes me feel special not the gift itself really.

Then he’s a bit shit.

I think you should say so.

‘Hey, DP. Malteasers are nice but is that the only birthday gift you’ve organised? I was hoping you’d have put a bit of thought into something else, like I try to do for you.’

Hopefully he’s going to surprise you with something lovely a bit later.

Happy birthday, OP. Hope the sun is shining and you can have a good dog walk. Make a lovely coffee and eat all the chocolate. Plan a delicious lunch. Buy a bunch of flowers - these are just to get you started. Maybe bake a cake with the DC?

Happy Birthday OP. Maltesers whilst yummy are a crappy gift from a DH (from the kids then perhaps). If it's any consolation I once received a poundshop Garden Gnome for my Birthday from now ex-H, I have always hated Gnomes (sorry Gnome lovers) and we didn't have a Garden at the time.

I hope the rest of your day is much better for you.

Hopefully there will be another present to come later. You should act like you are expecting one anyway. Say things like “can’t wait to see what my surprise present is I’m so excited!”
That will get the message across nicely. Happy Birthday by the way

If it's any consolation, my DH has just given me not one but two hot water bottles for my birthday! Bearing in mind that I am perimenopausal and complain nightly about being too hot in bed, I was a bit . I think some people just panic when they suddenly realise that there's a birthday round the corner and buy the first thing they can find.

You don’t say whether this is first time and previously thoughtful presents
Or always like this?

To be fair op, there was a poster on here whose husband bought her a pork pie. It still makes me chuckle thinking about it. I think Maltesers is a step up from popping to the butchers on the way past. 😃

Do you think he forgot? Is your birthday today? Will he come home with flowers and wine tonight and order from your favourite takeaway?

Do not share the maltesers.

Past presents from DH have included windscreen wipers (for the only car in the household) and a skipping rope. Thank god the children are now teenagers and have shamed him into buying decent presents.

I got a plum tree last birthday (tbh I had asked for one) and some flowers. Was v surprised and happy

He’s got form for being last minute but never usually this crap in what he gives. I think he’s just given up now after ten years.
Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I’ve come out to the beach it it is glorious! A proper mood lifter of a sunny day. I will say how disappointed I am and that I feel unappreciated later. I just have to try not to cry as I feel it undermines me and he just rolls his eyes. I find it really hard not to when I talk about my feelings though. I think I need therapy!
Thanks again everyone

A plum tree is a lovely present! Well done teenagers!

Sorry to all that received presents. I agree that malteasers is definitely a step up from a pork pie and windscreen wipers!

Happy Birthday

I know it doesn’t make up for the lack of thought that’s upset you but I think you should buy yourself something and call it a gift from MN.

@Hightideattheseaside

He’s got form for being last minute but never usually this crap in what he gives. I think he’s just given up now after ten years. Thank you for all the birthday wishes. I’ve come out to the beach it it is glorious! A proper mood lifter of a sunny day. I will say how disappointed I am and that I feel unappreciated later. I just have to try not to cry as I feel it undermines me and he just rolls his eyes. I find it really hard not to when I talk about my feelings though. I think I need therapy! Thanks again everyone

Yes please don’t cry at this Beautiful day You’re at the beach I’d focus on the positive rather than begin the year in a mood!

You should text him. Say looking forward to my real present tonight. Xxxx

That's a really thoughtless present.

Happy Birthday!! Buy yourself something nice from the puppy.

That beach looks gorgeous OP! Happy Birthday 😊 xx

If it makes you feel any better I have a very similar dynamic emerging in my marriage (been together 7 years, and whilst DH has always left gifts to the last minute he used to try and think of things I'd like). Christmas just gone he decided to tell me on Christmas Eve that he assumed we weren't doing gifts for eachother (no idea where that came from). Like you I'm not materialistic but secretly hoped it might be a bit of a bluff... It wasn't. I found Christmas morning rather awkward as DH opened the 10ish thoughtful presents I'd got him. He gave me a DVD that cost £4.99 and I'd bought for myself but given him a while back to give to me. I was about holding it together until our 3 year old asked me which presents under the tree were for me and I had to say none and promptly went to the toilet to have a little cry. DH did say he felt bad afterwards but that he's just crap at thinking of gift ideas. It's my birthday in 5 days time and I'm scared of what may or may not materialise! 🤦🏻‍♀️

YANBU. It doesn't have to be extravagant but it does have to have SOME thought put into it imo to be meaningful from a partner, unless you've explicitly said that you don't care.

You shouldn't have to do this but for next year I'd speak to him beforehand and be direct. 'DH, I know sentimental gifts aren't your thing but they make me feel really special so for my birthday this year I'd love something that you've put thought into, whatever it is' and then leave him to it. It's depressing but better to speak up and have a chance of having your needs met. DH asked me before our first mother's day what my expectations were for the day as he couldn't care less about father's day but didn't want to let me down for mother's day, which I very much care about for various reasons.

Happy birthday op. Wow, the beach looks beautiful!
I would rather have nothing than a box of maltesers ( don't eat chocolate much).
The pork pie has made me laugh so much. And the gnome ! And no garden.
Sorry, op, I realise you're upset. I agree with a pp, buy yourself something lovely and happy birthday from us all.