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Original poster

Partner wants an abortion.... please no judgement!

41 replies

Mjl90 · 25/04/2021 20:26

Hi everyone, I’ve just joined this page as I need to chat but don’t have anyone in my personal life I can talk to about this.
I recently found out I’m pregnant. I have two children aged 2 and 5 already. I came off the implant 6 weeks ago. My partner knew we weren’t protected, didn’t want to use a condom, and didn’t pull out. He’s saying that he does not want this child. He’s a very rational person and is thinking about the finances and logistics of a third child. Everything he says I agree with. We need my income to pay the bills and another child would set us back in some things we would like to achieve. Whilst the rational side of me agrees with him, I’m finding the whole situation very emotional and stressful. I’m also feeling a lot of anger towards my partner. Not once has he asked my opinion or how I’m feeling, he just says that he would regret this child, in the same way I may regret an abortion. He’s 100% against keeping the baby. I’m just at a loss and don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen this side of him before. He’s being so cold and callous about it all. So here I am, thinking that an abortion is for the best, but my heart hurts.
Sorry for the rambling, my mind isn’t focusing. Thank you for reading. I guess I’m just hoping for any advice, recommendations or encouragement in any form, as I’m not getting it at home 😔

Thank you x

OP posts:

NYGirl · 26/04/2021 02:32

My partner knew we weren’t protected, didn’t want to use a condom, and didn’t pull out. He’s saying that he does not want this child. He’s a very rational person

He’s clearly not rational at all. He sounds awful to have done this and now demand an abortion. I would make the decision alone now about whether to keep the baby and then leave him regardless. I couldn’t be with someone that behaved like this.

Trixie78 · 26/04/2021 02:49

If you don't want a termination then don't ever have one.

Bythemillpond · 26/04/2021 02:51

NYGirl

Beat me to it.
This is not a rational man.

If the only thing that is a negative about having this child is money then carry on with the pregnancy especially as you quite like the idea of a 3rd.

I made a decision 16 years ago. My heart was saying to do something that on paper was impractical, unpredictable irrational and risky. My head was saying that I should choose the sensible option. What could go wrong. All the figures added up.
I am still paying for that sensible option today and it changed the whole course of my life and not for the better.

Forget practicalities and all the rational arguments and listen to your heart or gut.
I will never when faced with a decision again go with the sensible decision if my gut is shouting no.

Blacktothepink · 26/04/2021 03:41

Your body your choice

Original poster

Mjl90 · 26/04/2021 06:24

Thanks for your replies.

To those asking about my lack of contraception, as I stated in a previous comment, I was open to the idea of a third, which he was well aware of. I came off the implant due to side effects, and was advised by the dr to have a break from hormonal contraception, which again he was aware of. I was aware that becoming pregnant was a possibility, as of course I’m sure he was. But I came here hoping for advice from people for the situation I am in now, as of course I never expected him to react in this way.

OP posts:

RachelRaven · 26/04/2021 06:31

It seems like you either continue the pregnancy and likely split up, or abort and probably resent him for a long time, lose respect for him and eventually split up.

NoToast · 26/04/2021 06:42

'I've never seen this side of him before'. I'm sorry OP this must be really hard. Are you married and financially protected? Only I often read this sort of comment on here about men separating and screwing over their partners. Women can't believe their previously lovely partner is taking away the house or whatever. Going forward be careful.

Good luck with whatever outcome. I know single parents with three and it's very hard. Perhaps counselling for you would be a good idea here.

Fieldsofstars · 26/04/2021 06:57

What do you want op?
His opinion aside, what would you do?

courgettecourgette · 26/04/2021 06:57

You’re mistake was knowing you wanted a third child and knowing you were coming off of contraception and having unprotected sex with your partner WITHOUT having a discussion about trying for a third or not.

You likely knew a pregnancy would result and so didn’t mind he was not using anything.

You aren’t solely to blame, he is too ofc but it just seems so silly to be essentially TTC and not having a discussion on a third child.

You say you can handle being a single mother financially with a third and you want a third so have a third. Do not do something you will regret.

Fieldsofstars · 26/04/2021 06:58

Any man who doesn’t take precautions and then behaves in this way, is not a nice one at all. I would say your relationship will be over because of this regardless of whether you keep the baby or not.
His first priority should be you and what you want to do, not what he wants.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/04/2021 08:43

Where was his amazing logic when having sex?

Take some time and work out what you want to do.

You don't have to decide right now.

Babyroobs · 26/04/2021 10:17

@supersonicginandtonic

Honestly you both sound really immature. You've got two children already but continued to have sex with no contraception and unfortunately you are now pregnant. An abortion is not a form of contraception. If he was refusing to wear condoms you could have always said no to sex. If you do have an abortion, please use proper contraception 🙄

This.

NoSquirrels · 26/04/2021 10:24

I’m so sorry, OP. What a shock for you.

If he was truly a ‘rational’ person he’d have been well aware that having unprotected sex was not a rational choice if he didn’t want a third child. M

You need to tell him - I understand your position, I understand the financial side and the logistics but I’m not at all sure I can agree to an abortion a d so we need to look at all the options. If you can’t support that tell me right now. It might not change my decision either way but I need to know if you can love me and support my decision, whatever that is, or if you will not if I decide to keep the baby.

DrSbaitso · 26/04/2021 10:28

He chose to take his chances. He knew you weren't protected but he chose to keep having sex as it was. Presumably he assumed he could pressure you into termination as a form of contraception. Nice man.

He made his choice, he had his chance. The decision now is yours and yours alone. If you have to decide between a baby you want and him, personally I'd choose the child because he sounds irresponsible and horrible.

Babyroobs · 26/04/2021 10:31

A similar situation happened to us many years ago. DH would never have dared suggest an abortion. We now have a delightful 15 year old dd who he is extremely close to. Financially things have been tight over the years but you cope.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 26/04/2021 10:34

He wants an abortion? Then he can go and have one. Oh, wait . . .

This isn't his choice. It's yours.

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