Major job crisis/anxiety

[JackieWilson35]

Hello,

I am new to mumsnet although I am always reading forums!

I am a City lawyer, fairly senior and have been with my current form for 4 years now. The department is undergoing a major re-structure and as a result a large number of us will be hit by 20-25% pay cuts permanently. This is terrible I know. As a result many of the team are leaving soon through voluntary redundancy.

I too have opted for voluntary redundancy and secured a decent payout. I have also secured another job on a 1 year contract (although good prospects to extend/made permanent). The new role pays more than my current pre-cut salary.

For most this sounds like a dream. VR payment and new job before I have even left current role. For most this is a total no brainer.

However, I have SEVERE SEVERE anxiety about leaving my current firm. My employer wants me to stay albeit it at 20% salary cut. They cannot match the new salary.

But its not always about the £ and something in my gut is telling me not take the new job. Something didnt seem quite right at interviews. They will be expecting a lot and I have always lacked confidence in my abilities. In fact I think I'm a crap lawyer. Its maybe because I don't actually enjoy what I do. Never have. But it pays the bills and mortgage.

I cant sleep at night, my chest feels heavy, I am so much doubt and confusion in my mind. Starting a new role and not feeling positive about it isn't good. Plus starting remotely and not getting to know the new team will be tough.

I don't like change. I have made such good friends at my current job. There has been a good team spirit over the years. Its the best place I've worked in my career but so many of friends and colleagues are leaving next week.

I cant say I have grown or developed much in the last 18 months at work, I have just coasted along I guess.

I am stuck. Really really stuck. I lack confidence in myself and have a severe case of the imposter syndrome. I almost feel that if I start my new job and I have any negative comments about my performance I wont be able to handle it.

I am also concerned about leaving a permanent role for a year's contract. The experience I get will probably be better but what if I struggle? what if I cant do it? what i they dont extend or make permanent? Ive left a permanent gig and Ill be stuck (although would have the cushion of voluntary redundancy behind me from the current/old job).

Everyone around me is telling me to leave and take the redundancy and the new job and start fresh. Every. Single. Person. But that voice in my head is saying to stay where I am and give the old/re-structured role a chance. To see if it works. Not to just runaway. If im not happy in 6 months to a year then leave in the knowledge that I gave it a chance. If I do this then I miss the redundancy payout obviously.

Sorry for the long message. What do I do - I am in such a bind and cannot function and this is overtaking my life.

Can you afford not to take the voluntary redundancy and take a 20% pay cut? If yes then I would trust your gut instincts about what is right for you. I have stayed with my employer for 19years and it’s mainly because the team of people has been so great that I have stayed. Even after restructure after restructure!

Why is your current firm cutting pay? If they are cutting pay and expecting the same hours and work from you, I really don’t think you can stay. At least, I couldn’t and I (mostly) like my job a lot. Also, post-restructuring, your team isn’t going to be the same. I think that you are maybe wanting to avoid change? But it sounds like there is no going back.

I would also say that if your current firm were the perfect place for you, I don’t think you’d be suffering from the level of anxiety you describe?

Is your new role at another City firm? I’m wondering if your ‘gut instinct’ at interview may have been your anxiety talking? Plus the awkwardness of a virtual interview?

Sometimes moving jobs can help you get things in perspective. I left the magic circle with my confidence at rock bottom, raging anxiety and imposter syndrome but with many doubts because I had trained there, was well-regarded and with good relationships with colleagues. New role at a silver circle firm was the making of me. There was a completely different approach to the job which helped me get my anxiety under control and where issues about imposter syndrome were discussed openly enough that I could start dealing with mine.

Obviously no one wants to move firms under the circumstances you are in, but in your shoes I would get some anti-anxiety medication (or up my dose!), grit my teeth and move. You may well be pleasantly surprised...

Why are they cutting? From what I understand (and I working with city law firms), they are doing well at the moment. The cuts sound odd.

I was very attached to my old firm - they made everyone feel like it was a nicer working environment than anywhere else. However, I took the plunge and NEVER looked back. There are pluses and minuses with all jobs and companies - but I'm a firm believer that change is growth and development. I say go for it.

I also emphasise with imposter syndrome. I too have it and have always had it. I get nothing but positive feedback but I think I'm crap and struggling every single day.

Autocorrect....*empathise!

I say take the new job. It’s only a year’s contract for now. Give it a try with an open mind. A change of scene might open your eyes, and you might really enjoy it.

I’m with previous posters: I would find it difficult to stay with an employer who expected the same amount of work for 25% less pay. I’d feel undervalued and lowballed. What will you get in exchange? You can bet that the answer is ‘not much’. Is the senior partner taking a 25% pay cut?

Having great colleagues makes a job more enjoyable, but if most of your colleagues are leaving anyway, why not try something different? It sounds as if your department will be smaller after the restructure, and that the people who stay will be unhappy about the salary cuts.

I’m in a senior finance role. When the environment changes, and I don’t like it, I move. I learned the hard way that if you try to stick it out through a major restructure whilst colleagues leave, you end up as the dependable workhorse that everyone thinks they can dump stuff on. Or you end up being the person considered responsible for the work of colleagues who have left: “you were here in March 2016, why was this decision made and where did this number come from?”, even if you had nothing to do with that particular piece of work!

Thank you for your messages and support. Yes I'd be joining another City law firm. I am terrible with change although in the past when I have made moves I have been ok i.e. not this level of worry.

My anxiety comes from three places:-

1. I will miss my old colleagues so much. The current job has felt like home for years. I have had highs and lows and thought of leaving my place fills me with so much sadness. But if I stay my role will be entirely remote and a lot of friends will have gone although a couple are staying. I hate up rooting myself and starting over - its difficult especially in this climate where everyone is WFH.

1. The new job will expect a lot from me and I worry that I will all fall flat on my face and just be a disaster. I couldn't handle being told im crap (I was told this once at a different job years ago and it has stayed with me ever since. It has haunted me so much - I need to get over it now).

1. I have moved a few times in my career. I worry that if I move to the new role and dont stay on then ill have yet another move on my CV which I dont want. Many people including recruiters I trust and have known for years have said this will not affect my CV/career in the long term at all as we are living in unprecedented times with a lot of people moving.

To answer a lot of questions: they are making cuts as the team has not been performing financially very well over the past few years. I wouldnt be surprised if they repeated redundancies again in a year's time. My restructured role will require same chargeable hours - they say the work will be a bit different but reality will be same job, same hours but with permanent reduction in salary.

Many people have said the same thing to me - how would I feel if I stay when everyone else has left. I would almost certainly be dumped on and prob be working late (although in my career I've never really burned the midnight oil - I have just refused as there must be limits to work. Work is just work!)

As I write this I realise I am being silly and that I ought to move on and not be so worried about the new job, what my CV will look like, old colleagues etc. Even one of the partners who I work said to me off the record that it may be best to take the new job and move on as god knows what the existing team will look like in 6 months to a year.

Maybe I take this role, have the confidence that I found a high paying job in the midst of a pandemic, have the confidence that my current job dont want me to leave and actually think I am good. Maybe I should channel that walk into the new role guns blazing and do what I can to impress and just see where life takes me. I am a firm believer in destiny and what is meant to be will be and that perhaps this new path is written for me at this time. Maybe I should take the leap of faith and just do it - you only get 1 life and if I stayed perhaps I would think "what if I just went for it". Someone said to me recently, "what advice would you give your child in this situation" - that really hit home. Id tell him to move in a heartbeat.

Life eh - never easy!

2. The new job will expect a lot from me and I worry that I will all fall flat on my face and just be a disaster. I couldn't handle being told im crap (I was told this once at a different job years ago and it has stayed with me ever since. It has haunted me so much - I need to get over it now).

I think that 80% of people in professional roles could relate.

You need to watch Michelle Obama talking about ‘impostor syndrome’. Which she has very little time for.

If you stay, you will be working remotely, so contacts with your old colleagues will be more limited?

Will the new job be remote or will you have the chance to meet new colleagues face to face?

This happened to me ,I worked in a niche part of finance and even obtained qualifications but I got a piece of negative feedback and I developed severe anxiety and crippled my confidence to the point I was a wreck couldn't sleep or eat for worrying.I decided to move jobs and company to doing something different in finance which I am enjoying and building my confidence back up but have recently had an opportunity to move to a different company back to the niche job role with a great pay increase .Everyone thought was a no brainier 🤷‍♀️but I just couldn't feel happy about it all my panic and anxiety crept right back in to the point I convinced myself I would never pass my probation as they would realise I could not actually do the job😥so I made the decision to stay where I am , I am happy with what I do (I have accepted I am human and will make mistakes)but at least I sleep at night

I left a job last Feb after several years. Started new one then Covid ! Working from home and was not eligible for furlough. The hardest bit was missing colleagues and I found this hard to admit I was struggling. Now think it was the best move.

1. Schedule meetups or catchups with old colleagues. Maybe at 2-3 weeks, 6 weeks and 3 months and 6 months.

There is a book called the First 90 days which is all about getting on board in the first 3 months.

Totally under what you are saying OP - I used to be a city lawyer myself many years ago - however, I could not stay with a firm on a permanent 20% pay reduction whilst being expected to do the same chargeable hours!

Many of your colleagues will be leaving, the whole atmosphere will probably change because of that and because of the pressure on those staying. I just couldn't stay. I would take the VR and the payout and try the new job with the financial cushion.

I think the stress of the new firm will probably be the same as the stress if you stay where you are currently.

However, I no longer work in law - I am poorer now but much happier and I do alot of yoga where we emphasise listening to your inner voice and listening to your heart (obviously if you can financially afford to). Good luck OP