Urgent help re screen time limiting please

[TastyMcNameChange]

My kids are addicted to screens. I’ve imposed screen off time from 2-5 at weekends.

My 13yo becomes very angry about this (however he accepts it at his dads house). He tries to bargain and disagree with the rule. I had to forcibly snatch his laptop off him today. I tried him managing his own screen time last weekend but it resulted in him having only one hour off the screen all day.

Right now he’s barricaded himself in his room by moving a chest of drawers across the door. I’m trying to ignore him but can’t have him moving furniture so have shouted he needs to move it. I imagine he’s done other forms of destruction in there. I’ve said he can go out with friends. I can’t take them out as my youngest is isolating.

Am I approaching this the right way?

(Reposting from parenting for traffic)

So the first question would be why are you limiting his screen time, and the second is what alternative activity does he have?

It's hard but perhaps if you let him choose his own 3 hours screen free then it gives him back a bit of control.
Expecting him to just up & out to meet friends might be a tall order. Round here these informal meet ups just don't take place.

It’s a bit random saying no screen time on weekend afternoons. I understand limiting screen time as a total but why in that way?

Because it’s what his dad does with success. We’ve done it a few weekends here before too but it’s not getting any easier

If I didn’t limit it he would be on it from the moment he wakes til the moment he sleeps. I have a hard job getting it off him at bedtime.

He has countless alternatives including a new magazines that’s just been delivered, countless new books he enjoys, the garden etc. I don’t mind him using the phone to organise social meet-ups. He’s deliberately not doing any of these activities as a protest.

We would usually be out for a walk but we can’t do that to is weekend due to isolation

With teens it needs to be a discussion they feel they have input into.

Mine have screen time set to switch off at 8pm every day. They resisted at first but accept that actually they were all day on screens doing school work and then all evening on Netflix/gaming etc..

Generally if I want them off screens I need to distract them and offer an alternative.

The kicking off and attitude is a separate issue all be it triggered by the limit.

Mine know if they kick off they will never win.

They are 13&14

What does he do when he’s at his dad’s house? Is he spending the time doing stuff with his father or step/half siblings or is he amusing himself?

I think if you are self isolating then you maybe need to let up on the screen time restrictions for that period. I’m about to drag ds(14) out for a walk, but if the weather was miserable or I otherwise couldn’t get out, I’d leave him to spend his time as he pleased.
Weekend afternoons are also the time that his friends ARE online, so maybe not the best time to keep him off. I know ds often arranges online D&D games on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.
So the question becomes, what is the reasoning behind the rule? Is it simply that you believe screens = bad? Or a punishment? Or something else? Because if it seems fairly random and arbitrary to me, I’m sure it does to your son as well.

Thank you all this has been very helpful. I said I would talk to him if he was calm so he finally came out and we dicussed the immediate issue. He has negotiated half an hour on screens now for half an hour off later.

I will re read and digest everything you’ve said later, currently feeling rather hypocritical being on my phone!

I agree that during isolation things need to be more relaxed.

I also find it easier to say no screens after school during the week and letting the weekend slide.

If you are doing something fun outside with the siblings he might start joining in if there isn't a battle about screen time.

My advice is to sit down with him and explain what's happening and ask him to choose his screen free hours. Give him some control. It doesn't matter what works at his dad's, you need to do what's right for your house.

IF you've already had a calm, sensible discussion with them about rules etc and they're still acting up.. there's a simple solution... cut of the WiFi😂😂😂