Daughter keeps saying she is fat.

[pinkmews]

I'm very distressed that my daughter has started getting upset and saying that she is fat. She also cried and said 'I don't like myself' today which is gutting to hear.

She's 9 years old, tall height and a muscly/solid build.

She's the same as me and her dad. Tall, large framed, athletic, muscly people.

Unfortunately all of the girls in her class are either petite in height or very skinny.

She doesn't have a tummy and isn't overweight but she is getting fairly focussed on being 'fat'.

She's had a right wobbler this morning as she put a hole in her school trousers and had to wear a skirt. The skirt fits her and looks nice (my opinion) but she got so upset and kept saying it made her look fat. She got so upset that she cried for an hour.

What can I do? She is fine, she does plenty of exercise, eats well, isn't fat but she is increasingly focused on it.

We try and encourage her, tell her she's beautiful/strong/healthy/clever but it isn't going in. She's really sad.

Background: she is being assessed for ASD but no diagnosis yet. She has a counsellor who she sees once a week.

Where on her body does she think she fat? I think this is the age they do nutrition at school, and I ended up telling school she wasn’t to do the lessons.. she questioned everything she ate! I’d have a word with the counsellor tbh see what they say

I’m not sure what the right approach is here (I’m so sorry!) but I think you’re right to be asking questions, doing some research and speaking to the school about ways to help your DD. 9 is awfully young for these feelings, and the intensity of her feelings about weight would also have me concerned. Well done on being proactive, and I’m sorry you and your DD are facing this!

She thinks her arms and her legs (thighs) are fat. In terms of whether they are the same size as her peers she thinks they are bigger which she is right, and are muscly.

She is also developing a little ahead of her peers and has breast buds/hips.

I think she just feels like 'the big girl' compared to these little dots around her.

My DD aged 9 also says this. She is fixated on her tummy area, on which there is not an ounce of fat! She is very athletic. She has ASC so I have wondered if this is something to do with it (anxiety etc) I just say no you are not fat, there is no fat there and then change the subject.

Find out whether other children have been saying anything to her, and if they have, speak to the school and explain the issue. They might then have a 'chat' with the class and explain how everyone grows differently, and that some children grow sooner than others.

I always say 'you are not fat' or 'you do not look bad' and then she replies 'well you have to say that, you are my Mum'

I'm going to call her counsellor and mention this ahead of their session on Tuesday next week.

It was so bad this morning that we were 20m late to school because she was uncontrollably crying about how bad she looked.

Wonderful book just come out. Body happy kids. Written by Molly Forbes. She's also got loads of great content on her Instagram.

Thanks I'll take a look at it.