Ostracised myself from my Parents today

[WhipperSnapperSteve]

I needed somewhere to open up and disclose things as the emotions otherwise will tear me apart.

I'm 43. I had an abusive childhood with a narcissistic mother and an enabling father. This behaviour has persisted to this day. I had a brother that was the golden child.

They have always been thrown small amounts of money at me (around £100) a year, and I went down there yesterday for the latest installation. Whilst there I mentioned that our washer was broken and how we are struggling as cannot get a loan for a new one until November.

I woke this morning to a voicemail from mother accosting me for asking for money for a washer and then deviating to attack me in other areas. I'd normally just delete the message without listening to it (coping strategy) but something was different today. I immediately called her mobile and exploded yelling angrily with no restraint about their behaviour being a major issue from my childhood until now, their obfuscation of events and the lack of emotions and how I have developed PTSD, CPTSD, GAD,severe anxiety and major depression because of it, and that they have never taken any responsibility or accountability for any of it. I was also raped and sexually assaulted (outside the family, in a country park) in an attack lasting almost two hours, this I could never disclose.

I hung up, but I'd missed stuff, so 20 minutes later I called back and was diverted to voicemail where I explained things is detail. I need to make one final phone call to them.

I guess I've effectively orphaned myself and gone no contact. My emotions are all over the place and I'm deeply upset. I've worked very hard on my self fregarding my relationship with my father over the past few years and I am going to miss him greatly.

To certain people on MN it will be obvious who I am, and in fact I want to divulge to make sure they know who I am. My SIL is on here (Hello Sarah), and one of my aunts who is good at stoking fires but who I love very much and am likely going to also lose (Hi Sandra). My actions will have started rippling across familial barriers and borders and the next few days I will see this intensify with me being cut off. I've effectively ostrasized, orphaned and castrated myself.

I just needed to spill somewhere, sorry. I'll post this in Stately Homes too.

I have no contact with my parents either. Narcissist mother, enabler father and golden child brother. I lost my father the last few weeks after announcing my pregnancy to him. It somehow pushed him over the edge and he because abusive and nasty about my unborn child. Thankfully no flying monkeys have been launched yet but they will come in time. You have my sympathy, I know what its like to have shit parents but it's not you , its them and their dysfunction.

I didn't want to read a d run but I think you did the right thing, you needed to get it off your chest. Let someone else carry the burden now. Block them all on social media and make sure you have somebody to talk to. Are you receiving counselling?

Well done OP. You have done the right thing. It may seem scary now but when the shock settles you will realise you have much to celebrate! Freedom at last!

Thank you. Congratulations on your pregnancy @romdowa

Good for you op 👏👏👏

I did similar before Christmas, just total lost it over something relatively minor that I’ve brushed off a million times before. Has the desired affect and when the flying monkeys appeared I was collected enough to ask them where I had lied? Then when they were sobbing and asking what they could possibly have done wrong I was able to say I would forgive them when the apologised - which is as likely as them growing wings and flying. Liberation.

Good for you OP - don't worry. You've bottled up a lot of pent up emotion over the years and now it's out. Hope you can get some space and resist going into guilt mode and smoothing things over. Give it time and look after yourself and your family. You can do this

Oh Steve I’m really sorry to read what you’re going through. Huge hugs. You’ll probably feel better in the long run because of this. And hopefully people will surprise you in their reaction to your standing up for yourself.

Hey Steve, I am so sorry you’ve been through all this and I hear you. It’s just so bloody rotten, isn’t it. Good for you to let them know how you felt, and to get it out of your system.

It does get better, I promise.

I went NC with my narc mother and enabler father five years ago.
I went through many emotions initially, tears, guilt, but I’m a different person now.

How they never take responsibility for anything I still find incredulous to this day.