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Original poster

Anyone else still think about an old ex?

18 replies

Nocluejj · 22/04/2021 15:50

I split up with my ex about two years ago after seeing him for approx two years also. It was pretty casual and he was quite flakey on arranging to meet up etc and always had lots of other commitments eg. Work and sports. I finished it after I’d told him how I felt about the situation many times and he never made any additional effort. It just kind of fizzled out really, there was no big break up. I just texted him one day to say he’s not matching my effort and I can’t tolerate being treated like this and he never even replied back.

The sex was amazing and when together we did get on very very well. We had both told each other we loved each other. It just seemed the timing wasn’t right.

I have no intention of ever getting back with him or even contacting him as I do not want to be so far down his list of priorities but I often find I am still day dreaming about him.

I am now in a new relationship and very happy but I just can’t get him out of my head.

Does anyone else feel like this? Tell me I’m not the only one!

OP posts:

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 22/04/2021 17:00

Not really. I have the odd fleeting thought but my ex was such a negative drain of energy, I usually wonder whether he’s dead yet or not tbh.

FishyFriday · 22/04/2021 17:01

I never do. All my exes are exes for a reason. 🤷🏻‍♀️

RaininSummer · 22/04/2021 17:01

Only one from 40 years ago. He was special.

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Original poster

Nocluejj · 22/04/2021 17:29

@RaininSummer

Was it a tough break up all those years ago?

The thing is I knew and know now that it would never go anywhere so I don’t get why I’m still thinking of him.

He has really influenced me. I still wear things that I know he’d like and I go to places where I know he would have loved to have gone.

He’s just the one that never quite worked out.......

OP posts:

LondonStone · 22/04/2021 17:37

I’m very happily married but I do think about one ex occasionally.

He was really supportive when I was going through the worst period of my life but I didn’t treat him very well at all (if I’m being truthful I treated him like shit) and he was unwavering in his kindness and love. I think if we had met at a different time it could have worked out and I wish I could apologise for my behaviour.

I’m almost certain I saw him in our hometown a few months ago with a women/wife(?) and two kids so I hope he’s happy.

Eyevorbig0ne · 22/04/2021 17:39

I do. We finished 25 years ago.

SelkieIntegrated · 22/04/2021 17:43

I had one like that. I think it doesnt sit right in yr brain when you're trying to figure out what you were supposed to have learnt from it.
I did decide not to bother with anybody half hearted again. Why was he half hearted about me? That lowered my self worth and i shouldnt have let it

Aprilshowersandhail · 22/04/2021 17:44

A Scottish fireman I met on my 25th birthday...
Did long distance for ages... Should have been more patient..
Def the one that got away!

Jamestheleast · 22/04/2021 17:53

Yes I have come to terms with it now but the break up was like a bereavement. Thinking one sees a face in a crowd sort of thing.
No real regrets both sets of parents objected, we were only 19. Neither sets of parents tried to introduce other people to us.
Stopping it was enough for them!!

RaininSummer · 22/04/2021 18:49

Noclue - yes first break up was tough and my fault. Sure we would have grown apart I expect as we aged but we were together 4 years aged 16 to 20 and then even tried again a few years later. He is still a distant as in not seen more than once every 5 years or so friend. I often think about him in a would love to see him and have him in my life more though not romantically I think. Happy memories mainly however.

RaininSummer · 22/04/2021 18:52

I know what you mean about it still exerting an influence on you many years later. For some reason I still want to be the kind of person he finds interesting enough to have as a friend and would be very sad if I thought our lives had diverged so much that we didn't have any common values or interests.

buzzing · 22/04/2021 19:02

Yep, I have one. We are still loosely in touch though I haven’t seen him for years. I think in my head I’ve built a fantasy image of the life we might have had if we’d stayed together ... it’s almost like crushes on popstars, no basis in reality whatsoever.

mellongoose · 22/04/2021 19:09

@buzzing

Yes I have this with the bf I broke up with before meeting DH.

He was all in and quite overwhelming in the beginning after a while he backed off. Then it was all over. It only lasted 6 months from start to finish. I have lots of 'what if' thoughts about him.

In reality I know that he would have cheated on me and I would have been even more heartbroken. More than that DH and I wouldn't have happened.

Boy I sometimes miss the passion of it all though 🤦‍♀️

Oblomov21 · 22/04/2021 19:15

I don't understand Why are still hold him in high regard Op. he treated you very badly , didn't match your interest and attention like a man is supposed to . how is this a good man? your self-worth should prove to you that you are worth a lot more than this.

FlyingBurrito · 22/04/2021 19:19

I have one too, a long time ago pre children and we've both since moved away from where we lived at the time so no chance of bumping into each other

I recently looked him up on Facebook, time has not been kind and I honestly don't think I'd recognise him if I did see him. It remains a nice memory though.

barbrahunter · 22/04/2021 19:20

I do think about old ex partners from time to time, but much more in a 'why on earth did I stay so long' kind of way. I've decided that I must be a bad picker and I'm probably best off alone.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 22/04/2021 19:26

I have one I think about. I always feel like he was the one but it was never the right time.
We dated at 17/18 then I moved away to go to university and we both agreed we didn’t want to do long distance. Dated again at 21 but he had a job offer in London and again we didn’t want to do long distance. Dated again at 35, I was divorced he was still living in London and we just couldn’t work the logistics. He lives in our home town again now but is married.
I think part of the reason I still think of him is that we never had time to get complacent with each other or have massive rows. If we’d managed more than 3 months then we’d probably hate each other now 😂

SirPhillipsgroupie · 22/04/2021 19:34

I have one that slips through my thoughts now and then. I notice when it’s his birthday, I sometimes have reason to drive through the city we lived in and past the flat we shared, though we’re both long gone and I feel wistful. He could have been the one, perhaps if we’d been older and ready to settle down, or perhaps I’m just missing being young.

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