Autism and sensory overload

[Toreportornot]

A friend of mine was diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago. Recently she’s had new neighbours with young kids, and apparently they’re often out in the garden screaming and making loads of noise. She said it’s more than just kids playing, and apparently others have heard and agreed with her. She’s really struggling with this due to her autism, and she can even them in the house with the doors and windows shut. It’s making her anxious, depressed, and she’s self-harming.
I’ve suggest various headphones and speaking to the doctor, but she says nothing is any good. She says she has no choice but to move house. Her house is her happy place and she’s got it lovely, it would be such a shame for her to move over this. Just wondering if there are any other ideas anyone has?

Anyone?

Moving house isn't a guaranteed fix, unless she's planning to move to a retirement complex or a detached country pile with no neighbours!

She would be better off trying to find coping strategies. It sounds as though she is becoming slightly fixated on this being the issue when in reality it's maybe not as terrible as she thinks.

(I say this as a probably-autistic parent of an autistic child, both of us have sensory issues!)

That sounds really tough OP, depending on the age of the kids will indicate how long that behaviour may go on, but if she doesn’t want to wear ear defenders, see GP then moving sounds like a good idea. Obviously she needs to think about where? So that the same problem doesn’t reoccur.

It’s possible a child has autism or other special needs hence the noise/behaviour.

The fact she can hear them inside says to me she has reached her limit. Having noisy neighbours/noise ASB means you become hyper sensitive to noises and the solution is someone needs to move.

Even if she could talk to neighbours and ask them to reduce the noise, kids do scream and shout and it’s unfair for them to feel restricted in their home, they may have friends visiting, parties etc.
It’s hard with people noise as it doesn’t sound particularly noisy/unreasonable. Ie it’s not at 3am or all night long, it’s not thumping bass. I’m not saying she should put up with it, but if it’s general people noise then living not so close to people is the solution.

Wishing her good luck.

@MowldyStupidAndAssive She’s looking at detached places in the middle of nowhere! Unfortunately they’re often out of her price range.
Can you suggest any coping strategies? I’m out of ideas and find it really hard when she rings upset and I’m unable to suggest anything, end up feeling helpless.

@Ilovethewild The kids are only young primary, so there are a good few years to go yet!
I agree, kids playing out is totally different to wild parties / loud music etc. I just feel so sad for her that moving seems to be the only option.

Similar issues here - I used ear defenders in the short term then ended up moving (to a flat with no outside space and no nearby play areas - not ideal, but at least a bit quieter).

I do wish there were retirement-type places for people who can’t tolerate noise, though - I’d be there like a shot!

Oh gosh, your poor friend. We have the same problem with my DD, who can’t tolerate neighbours’ noise.

We haven’t tried them, but I’ve seen a few recommendations for these specialist noise-cancelling ear buds:

www.flareaudio.com/pages/calmer-life

Would white noise help?

Unfortunately noise cancelling headphones are pretty much her only option. Has she actually tried any or is she just dismissing them as no good?

My son who is autistic uses the calmer ear plugs that have been linked up thread. He says they make a big difference in situations that are too noisy. They filter out some frequencies I think, so you don't have to block out all sound but sound is much more manageable.

I lived next to a noisy who shouted, bounced on trampoline scremaing and played the drums all day and night. ( I moved BTW)

The frequency of the noise will probably reduce as lockdown finishes and the kids will be at school/sports/activities/parties/shopping/movies/holidays etc.

She has probably got hypersensitive to that noise, the minute it starts it feels like a panic attack. There are desensitisation techniques online she can use herself. She could also ask her GP if she would be suitable for anti-anxiety meds like sertraline.

As PP use music/headphones/tv to block some of the noise out.

Post lockdown she could also have a list ready of places to go out and a bag with snacks/drinks so she can go at short notice.

Bose noise cancelling headphones. I have never been diagnosed with anything but my goodness I really hate noise. DH and DS just don’t hear stuff I do it’s like my ears are too switched on if there is such a thing. I can easily hear the tv on 10 volume, DH likes 20, we settle on about 16. I hated being on planes in case the passenger next to me was noisy. The last time I flew I had these headphones and it totally changed how I felt and I enjoyed flying for the first time.

This was basically me a couple of years ago and I ended up moving to a house in the middle of nowhere!
Noise cancelling headphones or soundproofing in someway, I hope she manages to find a house she likes that's in her budget as that's probably the best option.

Has she been to see her GP for help with her mental health? They might be able to get her a counsellor.

If she can afford to move then it isn't a bad option. There are some really good ear defenders, though. I wonder a bit whether these really don't work, or whether she is (understandably) angry and upset about needing to wear them?

I don't think the neighbours are being unreasonable either, it is just a tricky situation.

She says she’s tried headphones, and listening to music, but can still hear them. And she wants to be able to go out into the garden and chat with her husband, or friends, but obviously can’t with headphones on.

She’s already on anti-depressants for other reasons, been on them for years. She did have a support worker or similar regarding her autism and they gave her some exercises to help, but she says they don’t work. I’ve suggested she contact them again but she doesn’t think they can do anything.

I'm autistic and had similar issues with noisy neighbours. Only moving fixed it. I can't just get used to noises.

You do get sick of living in earplugs and noise reducing headphones (though the Sony ones are currently the best on the market in case anyone's looking, I've bought loads and tested them!)

Counselling and exercises don't help IME.

Imagine someone next to you running fingernails down a chalkboard, or poking you incessantly. Happy thoughts only carry you so far while your whole body is screaming inside.