21wks pregnant and very worried- did my drinking harm my baby?

[Anonymous1220]

.Last week, I found out I was 20 wks pregnant. I’m extremely worried, because I have been drinking the whole time. Usually just once or twice a week, like 1-2 drinks. BUT, there’s been probably 10x (about twice a month, maybe) that I’ve had more at one time... like 4-6 drinks. I can only remember actually feeling drunk 2 or 3 times over the last 5 months... my doctor knows, and does not want me to worry.. but that is impossible for me right now. We had the anatomy scan yesterday, and all looks well 🙏🏾 Good strong heartbeat, and surprisingly big (14oz already!) which did help me some. I know that there is absolutely no way of for sure knowing if/what damage I’ve caused, until she comes.. and possibly not until she becomes older. It’s so hard to get clear answers online... one article will say one thing, and the next say something completely different. I go from having hope that I haven’t caused her harm, to feeling like she for sure will have problems... I guess what I’m looking for, is anyone that has first/second hand experience with this. I think hearing from people, who have had similar situations, know someone close who has, or works as a doctor/nurse/child care provider, may help me (or may not, if the outcomes have not been good). And please, do not make me feel worse with questions/comments like “how did you not know you were pregnant??” “Why did you drink that much anyways?”... I’m having a hard enough time right now.

You poor thing... I don’t blame you at all you didn’t know end of I do know some people who drank had addiction issues and seemingly went on to have healthy kids but I doubt that’s gonna help you right now talk to your dr if your having a very hard time with this which I wouldn’t blame you perhaps talk to a mental health midwife it may help you process everything that’s happening it may be a big shock all you can do is do what your doing now do the best you can now that you know try to stop googling it’s not gonna help right now and congratulations op

Oh you poor thing. I have no practical advice but didn’t like to read and run. The important thing is you know now and can act differently which will be a huge help to baby from now on. And it’s great that everything is looking well on the scan.

You can’t change what has gone before and you didn’t know. It’s not your fault at all. Be kind to yourself.

Sorry to hear your worries. Try to relax. For context I have a close friend who didn’t know she was pregnant til after 13 weeks but she had been drinking heavily and even taking hard drugs. Her child is perfect.

Hi - sorry, can't find article but I read once that even alcoholic mothers only have no more than a 10% chance of having a child with foetal alcohol syndrome. And I think it really does take heavy and persistent drinking to cause a problem - the whole 'not drinking anything' rule is precautionary (and a bit patronising to my mind, not all of us will go mad the minute we have one drink) not there because moderate drinking will cause harm.

Chill. You haven't been knocking back bottles of scotch. Your baby will be fine. Just don't drink any more during your pregnancy.

I drank throughout my pregnancy as well. Nowhere near as much as usual, and weaker drinks than usual. By which I mean I have a very high alcohol tolerance and rarely get drunk or hangovers. Id have to drink all evening and all night for that to happen. Even then I don't get hangovers and I've never not remembered anything, I always remember regardless of how much I've had to drink. So usually if I have a spirit and mixer I make it strong, between a double and treble, poured freehand. But I made them weak, so a single or less. Or with wine I'd have a small bit topped right up with lemonade. But no way was I not having a drink for 9 months, especially at my wedding.
My mum drank and smoked as normal throughout all 3 of her pregnancies. My Nan the same both times. All fine. And I know others who have as well.

Try to forget about it. There’s nothing you can do about it now so worrying yourself is pointless. I know at least two other women who had a similar situation. One was out partying every weekend doing coke and drinking the most enormous amounts of booze. Their babies were fine and are now healthy children. Whilst it obviously isn’t ideal it’s very unlikely you’ll have harmed your baby. FAS is rare even amongst mother who drink very heavily I believe.

I drank while unknowingly pregnant and was also a lot further along than you when I found out. I panicked understandably too. I was told by midwife and a consultant that it is alcohol reliance that has a baby during (and potentially after) pregnancy.

I was lucky enough that no one commented to me but I think that most knew my situation and others knew better than to mention it . If they comment don't feel like you have to give them the answers they want. You didn't know, baby has been checked out and all is fine.

Please don't let this get to you and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and baby.

As others have said, FAS doesn't affect every pregnancy in which mum is a heavy drinker, even if she's an alcoholic, even if she's drinking far more than you have. I believe FAS is also much more likely in mums who combine heavy drinking with drug abuse. If you've been drinking as you describe, and haven't been using drugs, then FAS is very unlikely. Please don't worry about what you can't change, and be kind to yourself. Have a chat with your midwife or GP if you're still worried; I'm a doctor and I'd certainly reassure you if you were my patient.

Oh, and congratulations!

The more damaging effects of drinking are in the 2nd half of pregnancy when the brain is growing the most. Drinking in the 1st trimester affects physically - I.e the facial features, sometimes heart defects etc. If your anomaly scan was normal then that ruled out big structural problems. Concentrate on a healthy 2nd half of the pregnancy and try not to worry (although worry is a big part of being a parent!!) Congratulations

Thank you all so much for the kind words, encouragement, and reassurance... I needed it very much! As I said, I know there’s no way to know for sure (and I’ll likely still worry some, as is being a parent, huh?) BUT, your messages have helped so much.

Any update?