How to tell DS his pet is being put to sleep tomorrow?

[MogTheSleepyCat]

My 8year old DS has four chickens as pets; we all adore them.

Unfortunately one of them is very unwell and the vet advised us today that she ought to be put to sleep.

I could have had it done there and then but feel I needed to explain to DS first.

I don't believe in hiding things from children and want him to be able to say goodbye when we get back from school tomorrow.

Does anyone have any suggestions or first hand experience they could share with me? He will not be coming to the vets with me.

How sad :(
I think I would take the approach of chicken is very poorly and vet can't help her get better, so the kindest thing to do is help her to pass away peacefully because otherwise she will be distressed and in pain.

Then I would talk to him about how nice it was for chicken that she came to live with him and had a nice home where she was loved and cared for, and she had a very happy life.

I always let my children decide if they wanted to have a little 'funeral' for pets - they could say a poem, (or a prayer if you have a religion) or sing a song, if you are burying the chicken in your garden, he might want to do something like put something for chicken in the box you bury her in (some grain or something - mine always wanted to put a toy in with hamsters etc that passed away). Then at the weekend I would take him to choose a plant to put on her grave. I think ceremony is a very important part of saying farewell to a loved pet it allows expression of love and grief.

If the chickens body is being left at the vet, then you can do all the above but have it as a ceremony of remembrance. I would also take a photo of chicken before she passes if you don't have any, so he has a physical remembrance of her.

I would just keep it simple but be honest. Say what you have said here.

He will be sad and that’s ok. Maybe think of something together to commemorate the chicken.

The only thing I would say is don’t string it out. So don’t tell
Him before school that he will be saying goodbye after school. I can’t quite work out your time line.

It’s hard OP but it will be ok.

He might be too old for confusion but if I told my child the vet was “putting chicken to sleep” they’d fully expect it to go to sleep and then wake up. It sounds brutal but I’d actually describe it as the chicken is too sick to get better so the vet is giving the chicken a drug to help it die peacefully so it doesn’t suffer anymore.

My son lost two pets, age 7 and 9 (very very elderly cats).

Stick to the truth as much as you can.

Chicken is very sick and they can't make it better. We don't let animals suffer because they don't understand and you are taking the best care of your pet doing this.

The vet will help his pet fall asleep and they won't wake up but they won't feel anything and you will be there the whole time to take care of your pet.

He's been such a good owner you know he will understand it's time to say goodbye. Speak positively of time chicken was with you and acknowledge it's so sad and everyone is upset and that's normal. Of course you will miss your pet.

He may wish to choose a nice picture to frame or draw something to remember.

In my experience let them talk it out even when you think oh it's just drawing out the sadness. Telling them it's right to be sad and cry and you are upset too.

Don't use the phrase "put to sleep". It is confusing.

He needs to understand his pet is dying and the vet will make sure there is no pain.

There are many different approaches to explaining the death of a pet to a child. The correct explanation depends on age and developmental level. Please see what the experts on child feeding on the Internet write about this.

Sorry about your chicken . Good advice above - usually best to avoid anything to do with 'sleeping' or 'putting to sleep' for children as they can get confused or even scared of going to sleep themselves (or their siblings/parents/other pets) in case they don't wake up again. You can use 'pass away' or 'go to Heaven' if you like but I prefer the simple, factual, 'died'/'death' myself as there's no room for ambiguity there.

The other thing to remember is don't be surprised if he doesn't seem that upset/doesn't cry when he's told. It doesn't mean he doesn't love his animals, children just grieve very differently to adults and can seem weirdly unemotional, even heartless in the face of very sad news. I think it's just because even pre-teens can struggle to really process the finality of death. The ideas about funerals above are lovely, we have always done full blown memorials for our pets even goldfish and once a stick insect . Just give him lots of love and hugs, reassurance etc., answer any questions honestly to the best of your ability and I am sure he will be fine.

I presume the chicken isn’t intended for the oven? If so then the conversation is a little different!

Thanks everyone - sorry if I wasn't clear, I will explain that chicken has died, not gone to sleep and she will not come back.

I've told him this evening that the vet wants to see her again tomorrow as she is very unwell. And I definitely will not tell him what is going to happen before he goes to school