How to inject some enthusiasm into my life

[Doggylover2021]

I feel ridiculous for saying this and even asking, but how do you make life enjoyable or exciting for you?

I feel like I've just lost the knack. and I don't think it's even lockdown or the pandemic - it was like this beforehand.

I've had some very tough times growing up but for the first time I should be in a much better place. I finally have my own place to call home and a little dog which I've always wanted, yet I still feel at times so empty.

My dog gives me so much joy and love and life is definitely much better with him. But how can I try and enjoy life a bit more?

I freelance and work is so thin on the ground and that's giving me a lot of anxiety and is a big part for my feeling I think. But I love my work when I do it and know I'd feel so unhappy if I changed job or moved sector so it feels like I'm stuck in this limbo. Most days I just go out endlessly walking. I've lost much enthusiasm to do anything else.

What used to enthuse you?

I'm unenthused at the moment for the fairly obvious reasons, but had gone a bit stale due to spending the past decade of my life on younger children. They're getting a bit bigger now which is a nice gear change.

Sounds 🧀 but I read a lovely line that has stuck with me: "put yourself in the way of beauty". Like, you will never see the sunrise unless you set your alarm and get up. I see it as creating the conditions for joyful and lovely things to happen to you. You cannot guarantee that the sunrise-watching experience will not be crap, but you can give yourself the chance for it not to be. Hard to explain!

My work enthuses me and my friends and reading and going to the cinema and learning a language and learning new skills.

But none of those things fill me with joy anymore. I really spend most of my days just existing and doing very little.

The uncertainties around work can’t be helping. Be easy on yourself and take the pressure off. Could you and your dog volunteer together - things are opening up and animals can be wonderfully therapeutic for older people, people with brain injuries and children with additional needs. It sounds cheesy but doing something for someone else always helps me feel a little bit of joy.

Totally identify OP. I'm going through the motions on a lot of things now.
I almost wish I was having an affair simply for something to do /excitement. regardless of the facts that I'm a fat middle aged woman, with no energy and enthusiasm, have ridiculously high standards that could never be met and never meet anyone new anyway, what a catch!!

I have a friend who feels this way at the moment. She has a great job, but is currently working from home. She says she spends every evening watching TV or reading, but can't get up any enthusiasm for watching/reading anything of any substance. I think it's boredom, and maybe it's the same with you? I know it's been Same Shit Different Day for so long now, that it gets to everyone. I think things will improve now, but it will be slow.

Yes, I think this is it. But I’ve felt this way for a long time, since before lockdown. Lockdown hasn’t helped but equally I know the end of it won’t mark the end of this feeling for me, necessarily, if you know what I mean. That’s what worries me. I’m approaching mid 30s, not old but not young either.

I just don’t know what to do with myself. My work is a big reason for why I feel this way but equally I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ve just lost all sense of direction and purpose.

The volunteering with my dog sounds interesting. Would you be able to tell me more?

Have you heard of gratitude journals? It's a good way of remembering the little incidents and conversations (even with your dog!) during the day that you would otherwise skim over and forget. This is a good article;

greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/tips_for_keeping_a_gratitude_journal

petsastherapy.org/

Pets as therapy is a good place to start. I’ve been feeling like this and making phone calls to older people who live alone and helping at vaccination centres has helped massively. Whoever said “same shit different day” has hit the nail on the head - it’s all just drudgery. X

Also, maybe speak to your gp and explain how you’re feeling. You might have low iron etc, or they might suggest speaking with someone who can help. X

Try reading how to do everything and be happy by peter jones.

I definitely think you should tell your GP how you are feeling, and let them decide if you need some help.
What about music ? For me, I blast some 80’s rock, sing out loud and dance around the kitchen.
You need to find what works for you.

I just don’t know what my GP could do though. I have been before in the past and they’ve suggested anti depressants and also exercise.
I am getting a full blood count done in a month but I had one at the start of the year and everything was normal.

I have been having psychotherapy for two years and am still doing that.

Did you try the antidepressants that they suggested ?
From what you have written it sounds like they could help you.

No i didn’t. I’m really not keen to. I’d really like to try and manage this myself but I feel like I’m failing.

I just don’t know how to get back the spark in my life.

Are you single? Could you go out on some dates? Maybe you need a bit of sexual frisson in your life. It's not all about work! Or maybe you need to just go away with friends for a weekend, something out of the humdrum of life! Do you work alone at home? My being at home has created this feeling. Maybe you need a joined office space. In short, I think it is a lack of varied and deep human interaction.

Say yes more!
Get out of your comfort zone:)
Try paddle boarding, join a book club and read stuff never in a million years would you have picked up.
Take a day trip, just you and the dog, to a town 2 hours away from where you live.

I think you should maybe consider trying a low dose of anti depressant. I found it really helpful when I had PND with very similar feelings to what you describe.
I was on them for around 18 months and they made all the difference.
I was really scared to take them but now I'm so glad I did.
You are in therapy and trying to do all the other stuff. They don't fix everything but can help as part of the package alongside all the other things.

Thank you. Some of these are really good ideas.

Id love to join a book club but I just can’t find one near me. I live in London and I just never have. Sorry that sounds pathetic.

I think I do need to get out of my comfort zone and meet new people. Everything is staid and depressing. I feel sad about the ending of a relationship from two years ago still. I can’t really blame lockdown, I’ve felt like this regardless of it.

@Doggylover2021 why don’t you go for a swim in a London lido? Just for kicks. Just for something different to do. Doesn’t matter if you’re a good swimmer or whatever, it’s something I always wanted to do but never got round to.
The last book I read was ‘City of girls’, give it a try :)

I have some similar issues to you. I’m not sure there’s a magic bullet but when I’m having a bad week, I make myself do one new thing every day. It doesn’t have to be anything big or significant at all - it might just be ordering a latte when I normally order a cappuccino, or buying lunch instead of taking it to work, or taking a slightly different route to work, taking the toddler to a new playground, etc.... it just has to be something different from the norm. I find it really helpful when I’m in a rut.

Oh, and being outside always helps me.

Try volunteering, if you have time. Charity shop, food bank, animal rescue ....... Loads to do and it would get you out of the house and meeting new people, which might help.

Do one tiny bit new thing, everyday for 30 days. Order a new type of coffee ie flat not espresso, buy a totally weird newspaper, walk dog somewhere new, fish something out of wardrobe you’d never usually wear- something out of your comfort zone, that’s the idea, just something small, achievable but different. I understand, and that’s what I did to drag myself out of my rut