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Original poster

Does your preteen/teen DD remove body hair?

24 replies

skeggycaggy · 18/04/2021 22:33

My DD age 12 has fully entered puberty - periods, body hair etc. She doesn’t want to remove her body hair, which is absolutely fine with me - old school feminist about it here, it’s all a patriarchal con, I don’t generally remove mine - but I’m worried that she’s going to be a total outlier at school who will be picked on & teased. She’s got swimming tomorrow for the first time in months!

I’ve mentioned to her a few times that as she knows many women choose to remove their body hair, she might not want to but it is something people might notice, & she just says she doesn’t want to...

Is this a moment amongst teen girls or is mine an outlier?!

OP posts:

rainbowthoughts · 18/04/2021 22:36

Why not just accept and leave her alone? Literally make no issue of it at all? Why the need to mention it a few times? All she is hearing from that is that you think she should remove it

Original poster

skeggycaggy · 18/04/2021 22:38

rainbowthoughts Because my parents were insistent that I shouldn’t remove it, and I found it distressing & stressful being left to navigate being a teen on my own? Would you just say absolutely nothing to her?

OP posts:

FontyMcFontface · 18/04/2021 22:39

Mine doesn’t want to atm. I’ve told her she can let me know if she wants to.

I remove mine. But she doesn’t have to.

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12 year olds

Original poster

skeggycaggy · 18/04/2021 22:40

I think I’ve mentioned it 3 times over the last year - I did mention it again the other day because she’s swimming for the first time in ages.

She doesn’t go to the shops on her own so it would be difficult for her to buy hair removal stuff without my support...

OP posts:

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 18/04/2021 22:40

14yo has an electric shaver but mostly CBA to use it.

funtimefrank · 18/04/2021 22:41

My Dd2 got underarm hair quite early and is quite hirsute although also blonde. I deliberately didnt talk to her about removal as I didn't want her to feel she had to but made it no secret I remove mine.

She asked me a few months ago (age 11) if she could remove it because the boys in her class kept teasing her and whilst she knew they were just being silly she felt self conscious.

She is quite an anxious child and struggles a bit socially so I was happy to do what she wanted to feel comfortable. Her twin isn't bothered (but her hair is less noticeable).

Littlefish · 18/04/2021 22:43

At 12 my daughter asked to have her legs waxed, and shaved her armpits.

By 15, she was removing all her body hair, everywhere.

Her choice. It's her body, so it's up to her.

Your dd's choice about her body hair is up to her. She'll hopefully come and ask you if she needs any help.

greensnail · 18/04/2021 22:44

My two are 11 and 12. Neither has shown any interest in removing leg or armpit hair. 12 year old does wax eyebrows though.

Hughbert · 18/04/2021 22:47

OP- I said the same to mine. She was resolute that she didn't want to remove any of it. I told her that it was her body and her choice, but I cautioned her that this may be commented on in school and she needed to be prepared for that. She lasted until 14 before removing any, and did so because much as she had tried to be brave, the spiteful comments did get too much for her. Thankfully she was prepared for this, so I think lasted longer than she may have as a bit of a Fuck You to her peers. She does it infrequently now, maybe every 4 or 6 months.

Maggiesfarm · 18/04/2021 22:47

Mine started shaving armpits and legs around eleven years of age, no pressure from me, I never gave it a thought. Coincidentally so did I at that age.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 18/04/2021 22:49

Watching. My (tiny) almost 9yo has suddenly grown thick black leg hair. It looks odd on her little legs (you'd easily mistake her for 6 or 7 years old). She's mentioned it a few times and I've gone down the "love the body you're in" line (I stopped shaving my leg hair, I do shave my armpit hair otherwise I end up smelling) but she's conscious that she will be doing PE in shorts now for the rest of the year

minisoksmakehardwork · 18/04/2021 22:49

You are pushing your feelings on to her by telling her people may notice when she's currently happy with how things are.

My eldest is 13 nearly and has been shaving her underarm hair and legs for about a year now. It's been her choice. She knows I choose to shave and we did have a chat about why from a personal perspective as well as social.

I hate the feeling of hair anywhere other than on my head and have done since I was about 9.

For some it's a statement against the patriarchy, some can't be bothered and 101 reasons in between. Let your daughter guide you. By all means ensure she can access products if she wishes, but don't foist your feelings about appearances onto her. You could negatively impact her confidence in herself and that seems to be such a rare trait in teens at the moment.

mammmamia · 18/04/2021 23:00

My DD 11 hasnt developed anywhere yet but has a bit of dark under arm hair. It’s so tiny but noticeable so I asked her if she wanted me to remove it and she said yes so I did. I used a small wax strip and it was gone in 2 seconds. It has grown back so fast though or maybe it’s new hair

mammmamia · 18/04/2021 23:02

She also has leg hair but she’s always had that so isn’t bothered by it. She does go to an all girls school. Not sure if that makes a difference.

Africa2go · 18/04/2021 23:10

OP think you're entirely right in your approach. It's something that she may get teased about if she's in a swimsuit. If she's confident and has made the decision that she doesn't care- brilliant; by asking about it, she knows where to come if she wants to remove it.

My 11 yr old has been removing underarm hair (visible in netball kit etc) for about 6 months and "trimming" elsewhere rather than shaving. She's shaved her lower legs for the first time this weekend.

BritInAus · 19/04/2021 00:40

I see what you're saying but also amazing she is so confident!
Perhaps a lower cut swimsuit/little pair of swimshorts on top could be an option - she can then stay as she likes, but also avoid any teasing?

Remaker · 19/04/2021 01:00

My 14 year old started shaving under her arms when she was 12. I noticed she had some hair and mentioned she could remove it if she wanted to but it was entirely fine to leave it but she jumped at the chance to remove it. Unfortunately she then went a bit mad with the razor and shaved her legs, arms and even her very tiny monobrow!

I said legs and arms up to you but please if you want to change your eyebrows let me take you to the beautician and get them done properly. So she gets them waxed every 6 weeks or so. Nothing excessive just a tidy up.

For bikini line if she doesn’t want to remove it what about getting some swim shorts or the racer style which goes down the leg. They’re very common here in Australia where a lot of people take their swimming seriously. DD uses hair removal cream because she likes to wear bikinis.

Good for your DD having body confidence but like you I’d be concerned at what people would say and potentially causing her distress. I had to navigate all of this on my own as a teen because my mum was very anti beauty standards but it was so stressful and I didn’t know what to do. I would have appreciated some guidance which is what I’m trying to provide DD.

Pyewackect · 19/04/2021 01:09

My two are older 18 and 16, and the only bodily hair they have is on their head.

NiceGerbil · 19/04/2021 01:14

Mine both started periods before yr 6 (as you mention puberty in OP)

They are 12 and 14 don't remove any.

I have asked the older one as I'm a crazed feminist and I wouldn't want them feeling they couldn't ask.

No interest.

They are fair though, a point I've come to understand makes a difference when it comes to feelings about hair.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 19/04/2021 01:28

My DD just turned 14 and I have agonised over this one. She has had a lot of very dark underarm history for a couple of years now.

I have to admit that I shave mine pretty religiously (although much less fussed about elsewhere) as I don't like the look of it. I know intellectually that I am a slave to patriarchal beauty standards but I can't get over it. I don't aspire to pass my hang ups on to DD but I do find it hard.

I wasn't sure whether/ how to raise it with DD as I wasn't sure if it was a deliberate choice and things are just different these days or if she was blissfully unaware and would get teased which I would hate.

In the end I just pointed out that there was Immac and razors in the bathroom and that I could show her how if she wanted but also cool if she didn't want.

She declined my help (unsurprisingly) and up to now has said it doesn't matter to her as no-one can see in winter but I noticed today that some effort has been made at removal presumably now the sun is out.
I obviously did not comment.

maz210 · 19/04/2021 01:37

My daughter is nearly 14 and is very hairy! She has no problem with her body hair and outright refuses to remove any of it. She's very hairy so it's noticeable.

We've brought her up to believe that you don't need to modify your body to meet other's expectations so it's not really a surprise. My husband was concerned about potential bullying but recognises it's her choice. It doesn't seem to have caused her any problems yet, at least not enough to make her reach for a razor. We'll continue to leave choices about her body up to her whilst gently pointing out that they may make her stand out as different to her peers. She's happy so far and that's fine with us.

Maggiesfarm · 19/04/2021 08:31

Do people depilate to meet the expectations of others? I only know I hated leg and under arm hair and started removing it aged 11. I liked having smooth legs, they felt better and who wants to lift their arm up to show a bush? Nobody told me to, I just did it.

Eyevorbig0ne · 19/04/2021 08:32

She used to but hasn't for nearly a year. She's hairy.

Helmetbymidnight · 19/04/2021 09:45

dd has lovely hairy legs, tried imaac once- cant be arsed again. doesnt give a shit- long may it last!

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