Feel left out as no one told me after dad's serious accident.

[WishIWasSomewhereElse]

Just a rant, I put something publicly on Facebook, but my husband made me delete, so posting here for relative anonymity.

Dad's been in hospital for two weeks, due to compilations for cancer, he's also on blood-thinning medication after a stroke (so is pretty unwell).

I spoke to mum yesterday, she didn't know when he would get out. I found out late last night he was home, my sister and partner collected him (I don't drive and husband was at work). When we've collected him in the past I've always texted or phoned my sister straight after to let her know.

I've just found out that he fell from the top of the stairs to the bottom. His head was cut open and bled profusely (due to blood thinners), despite a CT scan and numerous x-rays, he is actually OK, just sore, not bad for a 77 year old terminal cancer sufferer with stage 4 CKD and diabetes, the doctor was stunned as it is unusual for older people not to break bones, etc. So very, very fortunate.

I've literally only just found out, my mum told my sister, but not me. It appears that all my sister's friends know too, as they've posted on her FB. She didn't bother to tell me.

I feel literally pushed out. My mum thought my sister would tell, but admitted her partner doesn't let her phone me when she's with him, so a relative stranger and certainly some strangers, are told more than me. My sister and her partner have been talking to dad about what they can do to help...hello? I would like to be part of these conversations.

I know I'm selfish, but there is no one else I can talk to and let this out.

I doubt it was personal, surely your mum and sister just both assumed the other would tell you. I'm sorry you're dad's not well, it must be a stressful time for your whole family, so try and cut them and yourself some slack

It sounds like your Mum should be keeping you in the picture if your sister has her own troubles with her partner. Can you sort a family Whatsapp so that you are all covered by one message? That would be better than posting things on Facebook. I'm not sure why your sister's friends needed to know about your Dad.

It sounds like a mix up tbh. Your mum was probably incredibly stressed and upset. She probably was thinking particularly straight at the time and assumed your sister would tell you, your sister presumably thought your mum had told you

When was the fall?
Why won't your sisters partner let her phone you?

I'd ask your mum to let you know anything that happens direct and tell her you want to be involved, support, help with your dad. Why won't your sister's partner let her phone you, and why is she complying with these wishes? If that was me no one would stop be being in touch with any of my family or friends if I was being expected to convey such news. Don't fall out with your sister, it sounds like she might be needing all the support she can get before long.

Thank you all, I didn't return yesterday as I expected to be flamed and am in a pretty bad state mentally.

The only reason that I can see that he doesn't like her phoning me (and only will if he's not there - like today she did for example), is due to an argument over a car last year. He has refused to meet her friends and she said that he is shy. I've asked mum to tell me personally, so hopefully she will.

The reason her friends know is she tells them everything (I guess he doesn't mind her phoning them). After my brother died last year, we went back to my parents and she asked me not to say anything publicly (i.e. Facebook), as she didn't want her son to find out via FB, two minutes later, she'd updated FB, so I guess she wanted to be first, not that it mattered at all, but I thought she wanted to tell her son first.

Dad's a bit better, but still sore. The hospital have said they're going to stop his cancer treatment, so I feel a bit numb and a bit in a daze.

My mum is worried that I'm not looking after myself and said I'll be no good for her or my young DC if I don't.

I've had asthma since a baby. Usually OK as long as I take my four inhalers (and now Montelukast). But anytime I get a cold/cough, I end up on steroids at best, hospital at worse. Also sometimes exercise, cold weather, menstrual cycle, etc, all leave me worse. I've been intubated over it.

Last night I woke in the early hours, coughing then wheezing, I had to come downstairs and use my spacer and Ventolin and Atrovent for over an hour to control it, I nearly called an ambulance. This morning DH told me to call the doctor (I've also had a weird 'popping' for a couple of months when I lay down, and can't shift it, no matter what).

I was going to phone the GP, as my chest is still tight, but my sister phoned. She said mum told her that my asthma was bad but hers is awful (she was only diagnosed a few years ago, and has a cough, never wheezing and never hospital). She said her partner is going to the doctor to get her a nebuliser. Her oxygen levels are 82 and she can't talk? She was walking at the time!

So I never bothered calling and DH will be mad, and I know it's crazy. It's just made me doubt that I actually need help as I'm pretty sure I'm not as bad, so feel a bit of a fraud.

I hope you got the help you needed to get your asthma sorted. Albeit, I think your sister should be able to contact you whenever she wants she does sound like she needs the attention and sympathy that being the bearer of bad news on Facebook or being ill gets her. You can't change this so rise above it. Don't compare yourself to her. Do what you need to do to look after yourself and make sure your mum is keeping you in the loop with regard to your dad. She will be needing support too and the last thing she needs is resentment building between her daughters.