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Original poster

How are I get my daughter to be on time?

27 replies

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 13:41

She is, and always has been, last minute. I'd hoped it would get better but, if anything, it's getting worse. She is one of those people who doesn't think they are late until after the time they were supposed to meet and she cannot seem to work backwards from the time she is supposed to leave and plan how to get ready in that time. It is absolute infuriating. I spend so much of my life waiting in the hall with my coat on for her to faff about. It doesn't help that her friends are similar so they can have plans to meet in the afternoon which just keep getting put back and back until they are meeting at tea time. I take her to meet friends to walk to school on my way to work and every morning is so stressful with her doing everything at the last minute, and she doesn't even rush when it is the last minute, she just goes at her regular speed. No amount of shouting, telling her she is being selfish, telling her she can't go out etc seems to make a difference for long.

I just worry that she is going to be one of these people who pisses everyone off with their lateness when she gets older or, worse still, is late for work etc. I am obsessively early for everything so I suppose it annoys me even more than it should.

OP posts:

Original poster

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 13:41

Title is supposed to be 'How can...'

OP posts:

katy1213 · 18/04/2021 13:44

Leave her to it. Her lateness - her consequences. If she's delaying you, set out without her.

autumnboys · 18/04/2021 13:49

How old is she?

If she’s primary age, I would start getting her up earlier and telling her it’s the natural consequence of her not being ready when it’s time to leave, she must need more time.

Secondary age - you say you drop her off - is that because she’s running late or do you genuinely have to take her because it’s too far? If the former, then I would tell her you’re leaving at x time and leave then, without her if she’s not ready. If it’s too far to walk, then start banging on her door early.

I think it’s helpful for them to learn the natural consequences of their actions. I don’t mind reminding mine a bit, but I don’t want to be responsible for their time keeping. This morning, DS1 (17) wasn’t ready for church. We had made sure he was awake and also I had reminded him that over breakfast, but we wasn’t ready on time and we needed to be there early for set up, so we left without him and he walked up. No shouting, no aggro. Good luck.

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Sn0tnose · 18/04/2021 14:09

Why would she rush? She knows she can go at her own pace and you’ll still be there waiting for her and the only consequence is having to listen to you moan at her, which she can turn a deaf ear to.

Leave her to it. Tell her you’re leaving at 8am, whether she’s with you or not. Give her a warning at 20 to, then leave at 8am on the dot. If she’s late, she gets detention.

Original poster

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 17:51

You sound like DH! He leans more towards the natural consequences than me. No it isn't too far for her to walk, it's just the routine we've got into. You are right. There needs to be a few changes to our routine. Also need to get her to have shorter showers as our water bill has shot up...wish me luck!

OP posts:

peak2021 · 18/04/2021 17:53

How old is your DD?

itsgettingwierd · 18/04/2021 17:57

Write her a timetable out. Timings and what needs doing.

I did that for my ds because he's autistic and cannot work back either.

But he has the tools so it is natural consequences. If you aren't ready when lift is available - lift has gone

peak2021 · 18/04/2021 18:03

I think there need to be consequences for lateness, and benefits to being on time. I asked the age as how you would deal with it would very much depend on what the consequences might be. And if there are to be consequences, there must be absolutely no backing down at all. Tough love.

Or you could be like George Galloway's parents, who failed as his time keeping is so poor journalists go out of their way to mention it.

Original poster

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 18:04

She's 14.

OP posts:

Original poster

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 18:06

She has always been this way. She operates in her own time system. I hoped she would get better as she got older but she is happy just to let life drift by.

OP posts:

3CCC · 18/04/2021 18:07

Is it because she's procrastinating on her phone etc

Or is she just really slow getting ready? And if it's this, she slow doing other things like eating?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/04/2021 18:08

If she wants a lift anywhere she needs to be at the door at X time. If she isn't there, she makes her own way

Swap the water off a meter onto a set monthly amount.

WallaceinAnderland · 18/04/2021 18:08

I thought you were going to say 10

My dd was like this OP. DH used to drop her to school on the way to work. He was always waiting for her and fuming. I told him to go without her, let her walk.

He did it once and she was never late again.

14 is old enough to know better.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 18/04/2021 18:10

DD could not and cannot do it - she was diagnosed with dyscalculia at the age of 8. She has found ways to work around her impairment, but it was very difficult and still is.She's 20 now.

BornIn78 · 18/04/2021 18:10

She's 14, stop waiting for her. Save your stress levels. Let her make her own way and arrive late to wherever she's supposed to be and deal with the consequences of that.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 18/04/2021 18:12

Mine loved their sleep when they were teenagers. If your DD loves her bed too, tell her you'll be getting her up half an hour earlier if she doesn't speed up her morning routine.

roguetomato · 18/04/2021 18:15

Doesn't she gets in trouble at school? If not, then she can be on time.
I have 13yrs old, but I just can't imagine a school age child be allowed to be late all the time.

hennybeans · 18/04/2021 18:23

My mum is like this. I'm sure she'll be late to her own funeral someday. I spent most of my childhood waiting for her or apologising because we were late.

As a consequence, I am embarrassingly early for everything. I don't seem to be able to help it any more than my mum can! I've also inadvertently passed my earliness into my DC. They are always watching the clock on a school morning or trying to plan our journey ( if we have to be there at 10 and it's 20 minutes away, shall we leave at 9:30 just in case).

I'm not really sure that you can change because someone like my mum who is always late, just doesn't see that people are irritated or that she is cutting it fine. And people early like me, can force themselves to wait a bit but still feel anxious about being late.

I think your dd has probably got to sort herself out and feel the consequences of being too slow.

Kezzie200 · 18/04/2021 18:34

My friends like this. She is always about 20 minutes late. I very told.her.more than once I'm buying her a watch set 20 minutes different from the rest of us. Then she will be on the dot!

I've never understood how someone can be so disorganised to be late by virtually the same time always - that takes some level of organisation!

crazylikechocolate · 18/04/2021 18:39

I can remember being around that age and terrible at getting waylaid in book shops when going into the local town , my mum gave me an ultimatum and said if I wasn't back at the car she would drive home without me ( about 8 miles ) , I got to walk home a couple of times and jolly well soon got better at getting back to the car on time

Standrewsschool · 18/04/2021 18:54

Can she walk to school without you taking her? If so, consequences. If she’s not ready when you need to leave, then she gets herself to school, and faces the consequences of being late.

MixedUpFiles · 18/04/2021 18:55

If it is someplace you are going together or someplace like school, I would write out a checklist with key times. Make sure it’s in the order she naturally gets ready. Some people do this intuitively, some people need to be taught.

For things where you are doing her a favor, give her a time to be ready and if she is not, then she doesn’t get your time.

autumnboys · 18/04/2021 19:50

Good luck!

I sometimes have to remind myself that doing the same thing over and over while hoping for a different outcome is a bit mad, really. Definitely time for a different approach.

Original poster

Itstheprinciple · 18/04/2021 20:44

@roguetomato

Doesn't she gets in trouble at school? If not, then she can be on time. I have 13yrs old, but I just can't imagine a school age child be allowed to be late all the time.

No she isn't late to school as I get her out in plenty of time. I have to be at work earlier than she has to be at school. It just causes stress because it makes me later than I'd like to be.

OP posts:

newnortherner111 · 18/04/2021 20:48

There are no doubt plenty of things over the next few years that your DD will want from you. Pick a few that need to be conditional on timekeeping.

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