Will I ever be the same after being lied to?

[Furbaby3]

I met a man and for 7 months he was 100% in. Loved me. Spoilt me. Cared for me. Made me laugh. Regular contact. Talked about future plans.

It was always going to be a slow relationship as we are both adults with homes. I have young children. I've been sensible and he's not met the kids!

But I've discovered in the last month he's a toxic liar. Doesn't ever commit. Likes the chase and gets you hooked. Then drops you. Starts a game of coming and going. But I've also found out he has wrecked a women's marriage by giving her a fake promise after two years of chasing her. Once she left her husband he dropped her.

I have found out his ex girlfriend of 8 years went through hell with him. Lots of cheating and lying he did especially in the last year. She said he was always looking and flirting. She had enough in the end. She's still damaged now so keeps in touch with him but he made out to me they just mutually and happily seperated. Turns out he was playing her big time.

Im aware of the obvious. Concentrate on my kids. Move on. Don't let him back. Ignore any contact. But I am completely shocked, sad. Hurt. Ashamed. I didn't see any of it. He was so so so convincing. There was nothing in those early months but a man showing high standards and loyality. He made so much effort with me.

I did speak to him for one day about three weeks ago. He re-added me on Facebook and he had removed anything to do with me and there were a couple of new women allover his stuff. So I knew straight away and rang him. Told him he's either straight with me about what the hell he wants or he can go. He made one last weak attempt at blaming me for being insecure and then ran away.

The last three weeks I've been allover the place. I hate him but I still love the person I thought he was. I know I'll never trust him but my heart still keeps hoping one day he shows me I meant what he said. I keep thinking about the gifts we sent eachother. The pain I felt when he blamed me. The happier times. The gut feelings started.

He's played me in a full on compulsive liar way.

I've learned that he needs therapy. He's got mental health issues anyway but he's a mess. He's got broken relationships with all his family too. He just uses women to boost his ego. I see him for what he is now. But I can't get over what he seemed.

I just don't know when I'll finally be over this and move on. Any advice?

He's also blocking me and unblocking me. I don't react by blocking him as I refuse to acknowledge him or show I notice things. There's no need to block him as he's not contacting me and I refuse to play the game he plays with everyone.

Sorry this is really all about the other women, you don’t really say what happened between the two of you at all. Did he end it? And if so why?

Absolutely do not go back to thinking you can help him or contact him. That is the most empowering thing you can do. He will try and confuse you but to me its pretty clear, there are millions of people who manage to be kind and not engage in hurtful acts, align with those people, let him rot in his own consequences.

And be grateful, very grateful, it was only 7 months, in the grand scheme of things.

People like this prey on nice people who like to see the good in people. They never expect to be bought to task and they get away with it because they can, but you can't have it both ways. Instead they taint you by eroding your self esteem until you think this shit is normal, hence why I say be glad it was brief.

Instead focus on some self care for you, to get back to feeling positive and happy.

I went through 4 years of it and it had a long effect after that so I say this to help you.

Thanks for the replies.

@Bluntness100
Yeah it was all about other women. His ex was still in his life and her photos were still on his walls. He had a fling with an ex school friend. Told me she had stalked him for two years. I found out he's actually continued to speak with her the whole time I've been in his life and he's continued to make her think one day he will be with her!

He was always removing women from his Facebook or telling me they were weird. He had a couple of stories about women stalking him who he had to protect himself from.

His ex wife was a nutter. His two exes were to blame for stuff. Never him.

The final straw came that caused him to dump me was when he added a local women and started liking all her bikini photos and old profile pictures. I asked why he was adding new women to like their photos. He called me insecure and dumped me.

He was also putting me down. Making me feel like I needed tweaking and putting me down for me being a SAHM. Overall not a nice guy.

He's ran for the hills and I've found out since he can't commit and there's always other women he's messaging.

You need to just block him on everything, your excuses for not doing so are frankly lame. It's not 'reacting' it's just not allowing him any more access to your life. That is what will help you move on.

He sounds like a narcissist to me.

By blocking him you are not 'reacting', you are taking back control. The only thing you are showing him is that you refuse to be part of his bullshit

It may not feel like it now, but the fact that you were only together for 7 months means that you will get over him fairly quickly. You must however break ALL contact, this is the ONLY way you will get over him.

You absolutely do need to block him, otherwise there will always be a tiny whisper in the back of your head saying maybe he's changed, maybe I was wrong.

You know he's an arsehole. Wipe him out if your life and be thankful that your kitty's didn't get dragged into it.
You will get over this

Agree with everyone about blocking him.

Right now he knows he has that control. He knows you can check his accounts to see if you can access them or not. He knows when he unblocks you he can see yours.

It'll completely blindside if if he unblocks and tries to look at yours and cannot.

That is the point he'll realise any control he thinks he has over you doesn't exist.

Frighteningly sounds exactly like my ex.
The nutter ex girlfriend and more.

Time honestly helps , I was totally played

You are right about blocking him. I just know how much he's used that button in the past and women have ended up racing him to do it first. But then they weaken and it's like a game he's played. So I kinda just thought don't even react in any way. I guess I'll have to block him if he ever unblocks me now. But that was my thinking.

I hope it doesn't take me longer than I was with him to be happy again. I don't even relate to myself. I wasn't to be a big girl and move on and not have his thoughts consuming me all day everyday. But it doesn't matter what I do.

If I'm washing up or doing the school run or at the shop he's just sitting in my head. I try and give my days abit more meaning but money's abit tight at the moment and I'm limited to what I can do.

It's like I am 100% never going to trust him and I now realise he would have been a nightmare his whole life. Not just to women but to his children, his brother his dad. His dad's just like him. Cheated on his mum and was in and out when they were kids. He hates him for it but he's become his clone. I know he's damaged.

The other women I talk to he hurt is on antidepressants because of him. He really does hurt you in the strangest way.

Thanks for the replies. I am feeling a little more positive today. I'll get there!

You're in love with someone who never existed, a made up person

Why do you keep name changing and posting about this man? You have been advised in all your threads to do the freedom program. Take heed.

I agree you need to block him ASAP and as others said you're in love with someone that has never existed. He leaves nothing but a trail of devastation behind. You are one of the lucky ones that hasn't invested years with this twat