Diagnosing my teen -posting for traffic

[SnipSnipMrBurgess]

Just wanted to see if anyone is in the same situation.

I have a just turned 15 year old son, first born, love of our lives, we love the bones of him.

But he has never been a really happy child and things have gotten worse. I'd like to list them if that's ok, see if they resonate with anyone.
When he started school, he would not listen to teachers, would get involved in arguments that were nothing to do with him and was easily distracted. He is v clever so his work never suffered but the teachers would put a shade around him so he wouldn't be distracted. They wanted to keep him back so he could develop emotionally.

Never wanted to be involved with groups, would get excited about scouts, soccer etc but eventually enthusiasm would wane and he would give up

Never an outwardly happy child but made friends and had fun.

Since he was 13 and went to secondary school things have got worse. We went through a period of bullying- School was proactive. It looks like a lot of it was back and forth banter -a phrase I hate- and he was not happy when someone took the piss out of him in retaliation.

Randomly our knives went missing from the house, when we asked, he said he was throwing them out cos he had thoughts of hurting himself. We took him to the GP,, he was sent to a counselling course for teens, he says he got no benefit.

He hits himself, to the point of bruising, fractured his hand last summer. Hates school, disorganised, forgetful, no ambition, gets into trouble for no work done despite us standing over him to do the work. If he feels the slighted bit of pressure about anything then he gets upset, cry until he is hysterical.

Lately he got caught stealing, a can of coke from the shop, despite the fact that he has money from us.

He came home stinking of weed last week, denies that he smoked, just that he was around people, we haven't let him out since.

He has been referred to CAHMS but backlogs mean he won't get seen for a whole. We got him private counselling which he now wont go to any more.

The GP at the time said he could have ADHD or bipolar or depression. But we won't know that until cahms and I'm at my wits end.

Has anyone gone through this? Does it get better?

Just bumping for you as can see you haven't had any replies and sounds like you're having an awful time. I have no advice at all unfortunately, but hope that someone comes along soon that does!

Sounds like ADHD to me, often there are other comorbities like depression and anxiety and substance use, especially alcohol and cannabis are common.
Can you afford a private assessment with a psychiatrist? I think that's what I do if it was my son and had the funds to do so.

And if its any consolation, I used to worry my eldest DS had bipolar, he too never seemed that happy even as a child. I think he has ADHD traits ( I've done a bit of training in this for work recently) I don't think he has enough traits to get a diagnosis of a disorder however. He didn't get into trouble at school but struggled socially, was very disorganised, poor sleeping pattern since he was born, mood fluctuations and self harm as a teenager.
He is now at Uni and thriving, not sure how much studying he's doing but like your DS I think his intelligence carries him through.

Thank you both, I'm really struggling tbh and MN is where I've turned to over the years.

It's good to hear there is light in the darkness. I will have to go private I think, its too much for him and not to sound selfish, but it's too much for me as well.

The Child mental health board on here is good I have been on it about my use of a private Psychiatrist and there is a lot of info on there.

A lot of what you've written really resonates with me and I have diagnosed ADHD.

ADHD often goes hand in hand with other mental illnesses.

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time with him xx

If you can afford it I would pay for a private psychiatrist or clinical psychologist instead of therapy to find out if there is a diagnosis

ADHD. Sounds just like my brother, although he did not have suicidal ideation.

Thanks all, I feel almost relieved to hear it could be something, which sounds ridiculous. But I know he is not OK and that's priority so I'll look for private ASAP.