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Original poster

Could my child be autistic?

40 replies

CJL111 · 15/04/2021 10:49

Hi all, I have suspected for a few years that my son may be autistic, he is 9. I have spoken to school, who say they have never seen any issues, which makes it difficult to have him assessed in any way. My question is, what sort of behaviour is normal at this age? He behaves pretty well at home, but we are beginning to see some strange behaviour with regards to friends and being in crowded places. Is it normal at this age for boys to fall out with each other? What kind of interests do your 9 year old boys have? He also has a history of disliking haircuts, (he is better now he is older) being a picky eater etc. Thanks for any advice.

OP posts:
Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 10:53

Can I also add, he gets very shy speaking to new people, and for instance wouldn't show his face or speak on video calls when we were homeschooling.

OP posts:
doctorhamster · 15/04/2021 10:53

It's impossible to tell from the information you've given op. Have you googled autistic traits? That would be a good place to start. You don't need school to get him assessed either, your GP can arrange it.

ChrissyPlummer · 15/04/2021 10:56

Yes, it’s normal for 9 year olds to fall out. I don’t have DC but I remember my brother being into football/transformers/micro machines/scalextric at that age. A lot of kids are picky eaters; one of my friends at school would only eat beans. I used to hate having my hair cut/brushed.

My DN is 9 and loves animals; she volunteers at a community project at the weekends. She went through a picky eating phase but has improved.

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9 year olds
Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 11:22

I have spoken to the doctor, who said it would need to be the school who initiated anything. Thanks for replies!

OP posts:
Gilead · 15/04/2021 11:27

Your GP is being lazy. S/he can refer to the peads team.
If you have concerns, write everything down and forward it to the consultant when you get a referral, it makes life easier for us and for you.

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 11:29

Thank you

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 15/04/2021 11:30

In our area, it is only schools that can refer, not GPs.

When we first approached Ds's Senco regarding our concerns about autism, I was told he was 'fine'. But after pushing they did agree to refer him. He was diagnosed with autism 18 months later. Three years on his needs are so significant he now has an EHCP.

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 11:34

If you don't mind me asking, what symptoms prompted you to seek help?

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 15/04/2021 12:03

He was in year 9 at the time we approached the school (so 14 years old) but we had had concerns since he was about 7 or 8. He seem to cope at primary, so we didn't pursue a assessment. Although his reception teacher had flagged concerns when he was 4, telling us he was 'different'.

He had always struggled with communication. Was late to talk and had speech therapy for a year as a toddler. He significant issues with sensory processing and was very routine based and can not cope with any change. For us he was quite obviously on the spectrum but he was compliant and reaching his academic milestones, so school weren't bothered.

Unfortunately when he started secondary he masked at school but in reality his coping mechanisms were falling apart, he started having meltdowns (at home) and developed mental health difficulties. Which he is still really struggling with and now has ongoing Camhs involvement.

He got his diagnosis in year 11 but he was already massively struggling by then. I wish we had pursued an assessment earlier and I have huge regrets that we didn't.

He does now have some support but I do believe an earlier diagnosis would have been very beneficial for him.

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 12:06

Thank you so much for sharing!

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 15/04/2021 12:18

No worries! I would always say pursue an assessment, if you have concerns. I think many children can manage the primary school phase (just about!) But secondary can be a huge step and for those young people who are undiagnosed, it can mean their coping mechanisms just fall apart.

Maybe approach the Senco with a list of your concerns and ask them to get feedback from his teacher. Ds's old Senco who told me he was absolutely 'fine' when we first approached her, said at a meeting six months later that he was quite obviously on the spectrum!

You might have to be a bit pushy, it's not something I find easy at all, as I hate making a fuss. But I'm learning that it's pretty much the only way to get Ds the support he needs!

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 12:20

Thank you, I will contact school again. I'm the same, but we are their parents and know them best!

OP posts:
Punxsutawney · 15/04/2021 12:30

Good luck! It was only when the Senco approached some of Ds's subject teachers did they express concerns, before then they had said nothing.

For children and young people that are compliant and academically okay, I think it's far easier for schools to ignore any concerns. Unfortunately at some point, the wheels do tend to come off for these children and that can often be at secondary school.

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 12:33

Yeah, that's what I'm concerned about and would rather know now so we can help him.

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 15/04/2021 13:45

Dr is wrong. GPs can refer. Mine has three times, though the oldest left school years ago.

Sensory issues: hair cuts
Food
Crowded places

Social issues
Zooming
Friends

Routine issues?

Other sensory issues? How did they behave in the supermarket?
Bath time? Didn't like warm water?
Teeth cleaning?
Behaves worse when it's noisy or when fluorescent lights flash?

Difficulties transitioning between places

Rocking? Stimming?

Line up toys, set up scenarios rather than play with them imaginatively

Clothing issues? ( I missed these as they are completely normal to me, but apparently not everyone else)

Doesn't like light touch?

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 14:03

He’s ok with haircuts now, ok with toothbrushing. Sometimes complains about labels but not a lot. Can’t really remember him being a problem in the supermarket. Has no issues with water. Doesn’t rock or stim, used to headbang when he was around 3.

OP posts:
Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 14:05

No routine issues, not sure what zooming is

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 15/04/2021 14:09

School don't seem to notice with DS despite the diagnosis Hmm

Long history of relevant traits since the toddler years. Referred at 7 via GP after really struggling around SATs, diagnosis as he turned 9.

At 10, he tends to present as a quiet geek type. Has a reliable best friend since about 6. Well liked but a bit indifferent to most. Clear strengths and knowledge in certain subjects. Struggles with English for things like chracter perspective diaries.

Masks, but can end up in a very irtitable grump mood all day where everything such as birds singing will wind him up. Kind of like living with a cross between Victor Meldrew anf Kevin the Teenager.
Can be anxious. Struggles to shut off and go to sleep, night owl.

Can still have meltdowns. Had one earlier this week because a sports class was on the wrong day and outdoors. Instant mental switch and ended up crying and rolling on my picnic blanket, then in a ball under my coat. Finally did the last 10 mins of a 45 min session. The meltdowns are getting less physical and tantrummy and more verbal with age. It's also getting easier to recognise triggers and discuss what happened.

He's very affectionate and hasn't got some of the embarrassment about it yet, which is quite sweet Smile

MayaFey · 15/04/2021 14:10

What about anxiety? I started suspecting DD was on the spectrum when she was about 9 (school had no concerns) due to how incredibly anxious she was. She is 13 now and has a diagnosis, as does DS.

Do you know how he is transitioning between activities at school or if there is an unexpected change?

BogRollBOGOF · 15/04/2021 14:11

@CJL111

No routine issues, not sure what zooming is
Video calls. Not that either of mine ASD or NT engage with them either.
Tal45 · 15/04/2021 14:24

Does he talk at you? Not really noticing if you're interested or not because he just wants to talk about his favourite things. Does he have obsessions - mine was obsessed with telephones at 2/3 and would happily sit and look at pictures of them he was so keen. Does he struggle with transitions ie when he's at the park does he get very upset when he has to leave or if he has to stop doing something without warning. Does he explain jokes or take things very literally. Mine wasn't diagnosed until almost secondary school age.

Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 14:35

No he has conversations and shows me things he thinks are funny, plays tricks on me. Up until last year he didn’t like having to leave places if he was having fun but he’s better now. And he did have an obsession with calendars years ago. He’s more interested in playing fortnite/Roblox and watching you tube videos. He’s also in a gymnastics squad

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Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 14:55

I did question anxiety, could be a touch of it what with lockdown etc. School have never once had any concerns. He has a best friend, who have been joined at the hip since they were 3. He was a bit of a nightmare when he was told he’d had enough screen time but is fine with it all now.

OP posts:
Original poster
CJL111 · 15/04/2021 14:57

He is also very cuddly, and loves being kissed

OP posts:
CarelessSquid07A · 15/04/2021 15:24

In some areas you can self refer as the parent,I would take a look at the local children's services nhs service website it should be able to tell you more. Its usually an incredibly long wait.

Is there a specific behaviour that's bothering you or someone you're comparing him to?

Most if what you describe to me just seems like a youngish 9 year old.