How to handle emotional pain ?

[DeepThinkingGirl]

Hi all!!

So there is a saying

“Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice”.

Very well, but then, how are we supposed to handle pain so it doesn’t turn into suffering??

Especially if it’s really traumatic?

Bump

How do you deal with painful memories ? Or events ??

I’ve been through something traumatic and I feel like I experience flashbacks whenever I am reminded of it

I cannot control the feelings of anger and hurt and I end up not managing them well

I really want to know how to manage my feelings

You'd benefit from some therapy specifically for trauma / ptsd. Something like EMDR helps you process the events without having to talk about them.

Avoid CBT in this case, in my opinion.

Basically you have to learn to coexist with it over time.

So therapy is one option. Thanks Queen.

But was thinking what do people do on day to day life to get through it.

It depends on what, but myself, I have tried to fully understand the events and the contexts around them, and I also remind myself day to day that I am safe now.

I'd add that these things tend to hit in waves. When there is an emotional wave - know that it will pass- won't feel like this always.

Not say it won't come back but it's not generally constant.

I see myself standing on a rock in the sea. Emotion is huge wave washing over. If I wait it drains away and I can carry on. I am often wet and cold in between but not drenched and suffocating in sea water.

It is possible things two things to be true also. I can be feeling awful about something AND be functioning at work - that's ok.

I 'notice' the pain a lot. I think to myself "Ah yes there it is" give it is moment in my mind then move on.

I might write a quick note in my notebook or on my phone notes to park it for now.

I have an emergency kit of distractions when things are bad. Box with photos of the kids, fun times. Puzzle books, small short craft project.

Breathing - said a lot but helpful. Taking several deep breaths where I breathe in for 4 and out for 7 or something.

“It is possible things two things to be true also. I can be feeling awful about something AND be functioning at work - that's ok.

I 'notice' the pain a lot. I think to myself "Ah yes there it is" give it is moment in my mind then move on.”

Oh that’s where I’m going wrong. I let myself ruminate as I’m trying to get through it and so I end up rethinking everything and reliving it.

I love that you notice it and then have a kit of distractions.. it’s painful.. it was painful. And I guess we can learn to manage emotional pain the same way we can manage physical pain without having to constantly examine and diagnose it.

It's so easy to ruminate and I don't think it's easy to execute these strategies along side life when it's busy.

Be kind to your self.

I have done years of therapy to get to the point of being able to manage the emotions better as they come.
Only now I'm more 'stable' i can now focus on processing historical trauma.

Lots to read online on three stages of processing trauma if you are interested.

I could talk about this for ages.

Lots to read online on three stages of processing trauma if you are interested.

Omg thanks a lot for the pointer. It’s eye opening. Helps me set emotional boundaries..

Pls do share all the wisdom you have!

I was having heart ache running down my right arm all day the past two days because I was reminding of my pain..

I didn’t know how to handle it. I feel so unable to manage it. I’m going to start therapy..

Its just that I needed something to do when my body is feeling it so intensely.. I feel sooo controlled by it and I want my carefree life back.

Part of me anxiously want to get to the bottom of it and so relive it and relive it in the hopes of convincing myself that I’m no longer a victim or that I never was..

But I feel like all I’m doing is reopen the wound and then dig and dig and dig and end up injured and deflated.. and get no answers and end up with a deeper injury.

I need to stop having hope in solving the pain and just accept it’s there to stay and I need to manage living with it. I need to acceot my pre trauma self isn’t coming back.