Went out tonight and feel more lonely than ever

[Megasaurus]

I met 4 girlfriends in a wine bar garden in town tonight and got home feeling more sad and lonely than ever.

I've forgotten how to talk or socialise, I've always been a bit socially anxious and awkward.

I just felt so outside of the conversation tonight. I tried a few times to get involved but just felt pretty swept aside.

Ugh. I just don't know how to speak to people any more apparently. I feel totally outside of the group now.

I think we all have nights like this. Some nights out just seen to work better than others. There is probably an unrealistic expectation that after months of lockdown the first night out will be something really special, only to fall abit flat.
I would be careful about labelling yourself, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being quiet, enjoying time alone. l have friends that are very different as in some of them love to talk non-stop and other ones are quieter, like myself.
I think next time you go out, you will enjoy it more, the pressure will be off.

I think there will be quite a lot of this as we adjust to socialising again

I've been worried about going out and socialising again as I feel the same, op. I resonate with so many of these posts!! @LunaNorth you are exactly right

Feeling your pain OP, you're not alone. Oh to be socially confident. I love my friends, they're brilliant people but I always feel the the square peg and often have a cry after seeing them.

I’m so sorry OP. I’ve definitely been in situations like that, where you are just swept aside and it is awful :(

Lots of people will be feeling the same. Xx

A little tip is that people who are not introverts are usually very happy to talk about themselves or their lives. Soca well thought open out question about them that leads to a dialogue can work really well. “What has been the biggest challenge for you during Covid?” “Where would you go if you made plans for a U.K. holiday?” “Which was the first shop that you found yourself planning to go to?” “How are the kids?””Fid you ever manage to run that mile/ clear that garden/ learn to drive etc”.
Hope you feel better OP 🙂

Look maybe those guys were just plain boring - that's why you couldn't join in.

@Joeblack066

A little tip is that people who are not introverts are usually very happy to talk about themselves or their lives. Soca well thought open out question about them that leads to a dialogue can work really well. “What has been the biggest challenge for you during Covid?” “Where would you go if you made plans for a U.K. holiday?” “Which was the first shop that you found yourself planning to go to?” “How are the kids?””Fid you ever manage to run that mile/ clear that garden/ learn to drive etc”. Hope you feel better OP 🙂

This is a great tip, open questions will keep things flowing

Pretend you're a member of the royal family - so you have to chat to everyone you meet even if you don't want to!

It will take practice for many of us to get back into activities we did pre-pandemic. Be kind to yourself!

Well done for going

It's weird for most people as we learn to build our skills again and develop some resilience

I am likely to over drink to compensate for my awkwardness, get pissed - tell inappropriate jokes... and then also cry on the way home

Maybe I shouldn't go out...

@Megasaurus

I met 4 girlfriends in a wine bar garden in town tonight and got home feeling more sad and lonely than ever.

I've forgotten how to talk or socialise, I've always been a bit socially anxious and awkward.

I just felt so outside of the conversation tonight. I tried a few times to get involved but just felt pretty swept aside.

Ugh. I just don't know how to speak to people any more apparently. I feel totally outside of the group now.

Oh op you sound lovely, this totally normal adjustment reaction I think.

I mortified myself today in a shop (gasp) for the first time in ages and exclaimed to my friend 'We're in a shop! There's things to look at!' realising shortly after that the volume of my voice was totally misjudged next to the long queue at the till I was standing by. I've totally forgotten group interaction haha.

@LunaNorth

I’ve loved the lack of FOMO over lockdown.

I’m am introvert who doesn’t want to miss out on things she doesn’t want to go to.

It’s been such a relief not to have that contradiction to tussle with. Now it’s back

This is me. However I'm working on the fomo. I've realised I hate socialising in big groups, esp only women. 4 max and that's a strain. I went out for v drinks Monday afternoon and it wasn't actually that much fun. Really looking forward to the cinema opening... Then you don't have to talk!!

Don't worry... it would have been very overwhelming to meet up with friends after so long. I was very emotional when the kids went back to school after lockdown and I went back to work. I think your reaction was completely normal and many others will feel the same.

I get this. Came home early last night. It all felt a bit flat and I’m in no rush to go out again. Maybe speak over the phone to build up relationships again?

I often find being out is easier if there's some kind of activity attached to it, like a film, gig, show etc. Just sitting and chatting can be very draining...esp in a group.

@Nuitdesetoiles

I often find being out is easier if there's some kind of activity attached to it, like a film, gig, show etc. Just sitting and chatting can be very draining...esp in a group.

Added to no live music on all night. Just sat chatting all night in a group is exhausting for introverts.

I've no desire to go out until at least June.