Parenting and family life has changed SO much...I think it's for the better

[sadpapercourtesan]

I was just looking at my 16yo son sprawled out on the living room sofa in T shirt and boxers, happily showing his 18yo brother some Youtube clip on his phone at full volume - pretty normal scene - and it struck me how different his life is from mine at the same age, in terms of parental expectations and behaviour etc

If my mother/stepfather had seen us like that, it would have been "sit up, don't loll on the furniture", "turn that racket off" "you've got a bedroom to relax in" etc - we weren't comfortable in the way my dc are in their own home. We didn't really "chill" in our parents' company or spend the evening just sitting in the same room chatting by choice. We certainly didn't play music or make a "racket" outside our own bedrooms. If I asked mine to take it elsewhere because I was working or wanted to make a phone call or whatever, they would, but there isn't the presumption that they can't impose their presence on the communal space, iyswim. If my dc want to open or close a window, or put the fire on, they do so. Ditto getting a drink or a snack. I think they have more confidence than I and my siblings did as a result, though they are pleasant and respectful (most of the time)

Admittedly, I didn't have the greatest childhood, which colours things....but I do think there's been a more general shift away from formality and authority-for -the-sake-of-it in parent-child relationships. What do you think?

Yes, same here, when my children were younger. Much less formal, more relaxed and better relationships altogether.

Interesting to think about... I had a good relationship with my parents. DP is a few years older than me and I get the feeling that his childhood was a bit more “formal” like you describe. Our DS is still a baby but that’s the kind of future I want, like you’ve got with your sons.

I only have a 6yo but I find it quite jarring when I take him to see her DGPs who expect a much higher standard of deference and obedience.

I'm only 28 and my mum is very much my friend as well as my mum. I had friends at school who's parents were older and they had a much more disciplined and strict household. DH also had a more rigid upbringing, "boys don't cry" and all that nonsense.
We both agree that a less formal relationship where we can have open conversations with DS is what we're aiming for.

Proboun fail I have a ds and DD but the little one has never met the family

I happily hung out with my parents in the 1990s as a teen (but they were much cooler than I ever was). I think that behaviour standards for smaller children were much higher (DM occasionally winces at our methods but is far too sensible to comment!) and I can never decide if that was a good thing or not...my friends DC who are teens are charming so I’m inclined to hope for the best!