Who would arrange your funeral if you died?

[ADandyHighwayman]

I have a sibling and two children (22 and 15). I'm NC with one parent and the other is dead. I have no other family and no partner.

No one who would really care enough to come to, or even find out about, my funeral.

I worry about the impact on my children of knowing no one cares.

Have you considered Direct Cremation? You pay up front for this around, £1700. They then arrange everything once the inevitable happens. There is no funeral and then your children could scatter your ashes where you have requested. It will then take any pressure of your children knowing everything is in place.

My parents have arranged for this for when this happens to them. During the past year they have realised the difficulties involved in getting everyone to a funeral on a specific day [ we are all far flung around the world ], so decided this is what they would like to happen.

Oh yes the relief when I discovered you don’t have to have a funeral! I bloody hate funerals and don’t want that for my body or my two kids. Direct cremation for me.

You can still leave instructions in your will suggesting your kids mark your death in some way, you can even ask a clergyman to pray with the kids if you wish, but you spare them the hassle of having to decide whether to view the body and organise a pitiful funeral for a handful of people.

I’ll be asking my kids to plant a tree for me, and spend time somewhere in the world appreciating nature.

To be honest, once I'm gone, I'm not at all worried what happens. Someone could dig a hole and just throw me in for all I care.

One thing I don't want is a funeral at a church. If any bugger arranges that, I'll haunt them for the rest of their days!!

There is no point worrying about your own funeral
im sorry to say this as its not meant to sound mean but why spend life worryimg about your own funeral?!
It seems like a real shame to waste your time in uncontrollable events x

I have a Dh and children. I wouldn't want a funeral. I have no other family or close friends anyway.

I've actually donated my body to Birmingham university anyway. Dh knows, knows where all the paperwork is and just has to call them.

In the event they can't take me, I don't want any fuss. My kids can have my ashes and do what they like with them.

My mum died when I was 12 and wanted the whole huge funeral. People she hadn't seen for years all wanted a part of it. I've always been miserable and cynical but it just seemed a bit shit that none of them had helped when she was ill with cancer, I was left to fend for myself for days/nights on end while she was in hospitals and hospices and had to look after her on my own when she was at home and my dad had to do double shifts so we didn't lose our house. I remember standing there watching all these people cram sandwiches down their necks after wards thinking "if you really cared why am I terrified alone at night when my dad is working nights?" We never heard from any of them again either.

Funerals are like weddings to me, every bugger wants to come.

I've written a letter to be opened in the event of my death and have said I'd like to have a direct cremation for the reasons everyone has already mentioned.

I hope OP you are able to have a conversation with your DC and sibling about your will (please make one if you have not already) and your wishes for a funeral (or direct cremation if you wish).

Yep I’m another one who is going for direct cremation. We’re not at all religious and I don’t see the point in spending £££ on a funeral. My DC are adults but I know they would be uncomfortable “hosting” a funeral. I’ve discussed my wishes with them and they will have their own little “memorial” while scattering my ashes. To me that’s more meaningful anyway.

Were all going to have direct cremations from now on in our family. FIL died during lockdown and he had one.

We had a direct cremation for my mum when she died in 2019. There would only have been 3 of us at her funeral and she didn’t want one. We paid £1300 and picked up her ashes afterwards (you don’t attend the ceremony) and then scattered her ashes somewhere special to her. I think a lot of people aren’t having funerals anymore.

In much the same position as you, and arranged, planned and paid for my own funeral 3 years ago. Dd has 1 phone call to make and no decisions except if she wants to add some flowers. Keep all bank and house details together in a file which has been named the Dead Box. With will and letter of wishes. Did this after family members died with no wills or anything in place, leaving 7 years and counting of absolute misery to be dealt with.

I don't spend my life thinking about it but it's something I do think about periodically.

I love the idea of a direct cremation so I'm going to look into that. Thanks.

Funnily enough I had this conversation with my brother. I was either going to leave my body to medical science (the luckily people!) or have a Pure cremation (no ceremony, no fuss) but I was questioning about where to sprinkle the ashes - either he chucks them in the New Forest or it is done in the company's area of remembrance.

Being a councillor who has sat on a panel dealing with all sorts of aspects re funerals and in particular , disposing of ashes, he told me there are laws etc etc. I was only half joking when I said to chuck them in the New Forest but obvs he takes his job seriously!

Anyway, my other brother reminded me how I had decided to be left to medical science either whole body or 'parts'. I have ow applied for a card and will let my family know my wishes.

My parents have/had funeral plans. Made it straightforward when mum died and we know what dad wants and that it's paid for.

I want direct cremation but if I die before my dad I know that this would upset him, so he'd organise what he wants. My sister knows my wishes.

That said Funeral directors are bloody amazing people and really will guide and help as much as needed. They'll have seen it all.

I definately want a funeral with as many mourners as possible. Rent a mob if necessary.
[smil]

@gabsdot45

I definately want a funeral with as many mourners as possible. Rent a mob if necessary. [smil]

Ooh no, i wouldn't want that anyway.

I had a no guest wedding (now divorced) and don't even celebrate my birthday because I don't like inconveniencing people

Great question and some great answers. I had never thought about it but this is good for thought. Thanks.

Food for thought.

Both my parents had direct cremations last year due to COVID (the plan had been to have woodland burials but it wasn't possible then) and tbh it was just what dad had wanted as he hated the thought of loads of people going to mums funeral when they'd cut her off due to her dementia. I scattered them in their favourite nature reserve in the woods and paid for some trees to be planted.
My great aunt had no close relatives and had arranged everything for her direct cremation and prepaid it so there was nothing to arrange.

I have two sons, one of whom is 25 and Christian. I think it would upset him a lot not to have an actual funeral, so I'll go with that. But as simple as possible- he already knows this. No fancy coffin, for instance.

My Dad had a pre-paid one from the co-op. I'll be looking into that I think. They made it very easy.