Feeling overwhelmed

[noideabutstilltrying]

Does anyone have days where they don't know which way to turn as jobs and responsibilities are just mounting up?

My day starts at 6 am, have the cats and dogs to feed and sort out. Try and get the teenagers up for school.

Do the school run which takes an hour, get home to start work. The phone doesn't stop with people wanting things and emails with yet more work.

Pause to do the school run. Work until 6, after putting tea in the oven. Finish work to then tidy the house.

I have a large garden that needs work. I am trying to decorate the house.

It just feels relentless. At the weekend my time is taken up with shopping and trying to catch up on house chores.

I'm just done in with it all.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like this!!!!

Things can be overwhelming, definitely. I certainly hope you are having your teens do their part with the household chores. They can also work in the garden and help with dinner.

How much do the teenagers help?

Hi OP. I spent Saturday in tears, and I am physically aching at the moment. For the past year my husband and I have literally spent almost all our time either doing childcare or working. We tag team the childcare because we both have flexible, but full time, jobs. We have had no days off, because I catch up at the weekends. I hadn’t, until this weekend, realised the physical impact. We’re just completely exhausted. Overwhelmed is how I’d describe it too.

I don’t have advice, just sympathy! Good luck.

Yep op, wines to us all. Its relentless crap.
My advice let it slide or make teenagers do garden for cash every Sunday.

They don't really help.

I'm fed up of asking. They just about put their clothes out for the wash.

I know they should do more but I'm so tired of butting heads with them, just feels quicker to do things myself

Stop. They will wash there stuff when nothing is left clean

Just got reduced by a fucking shower curtain pole and it not staying up after painting the bathroom.

Just follows a long day of calls, emails and mentoring colleagues.

Also found out the type of cancer my estranged husband has been diagnosed with today.

Can you outsource the gardening? Do you do online supermarket shopping? I've found doing click and collect saves me tons of time.

They don't really help.

I'm fed up of asking. They just about put their clothes out for the wash.

I know they should do more but I'm so tired of butting heads with them, just feels quicker to do things myself

Come on now, op. I know it's hard, but you are doing them absolutely no favours. They live in the real world and it's high time they figure this out. You are not their skivvy. They do as they are told or there will be consequences they really won't like.

Is it possible for you to say you're going to not answer calls for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon?

Why are you getting your teenagers up for school? If they are late and get into trouble, it's down to them.

I agree with others you sound exhausted and you need some support and headspace.

You are a full time working single parent if you can afford to outsource anything then do it. Cleaner. Gardener. Hello fresh/gousto. Ironer. Public transport to school. Taxi a couple of times a week to school to give you an hour back. Don't just dismiss everything-work out the value of your time to you and the cost of each of those options. Don't be a martyr question whether each task HAS to be done and if it HAS to be done by you.

If money is tight but there is some flex. Offer tiered pocket money. A base level that everyone gets. Intermediate level if they occasionally help with
Chores. Advanced if they take on responsibility for something and help regularly.

Teenagers can cook one night a week each. Tomorrow night its fish Fingers chips and peas for tea And its needs to be ready at 6. All have cooking instruction on the packet. Walk away. If they don't prepare it-Noone eats. If they voluntarily and regularly
Cook one meal per week each can they choose the takeaway of their choice the third evening as an incentive. Create an ethos where everyone supports the cook and Whoever doesnt cook sets the table and washes up afterwards. A family meal is a family effort.

On a Saturday and Sunday morning create something like a mad 20. Everyone does a blast of chores together for 20 mins. Its not too much to ask but would take you hours on your own. One vacs. One mops. One loads washer. Again its family time. They are old enough to share your load for 20 minutes. I think to balance this out its really important to then relax together at some point.

You also need to change your work life so you are not 'always on'. Put yourself on do not disturb and have one longer or two shorter periods a day to focus. And also take breaks.

I also highly recommend a wireless headset.
Can be pricey. Mine has 30metre range from laptop. I iron, prep tea, empty the washer and put laundry away whilst on calls. I can even get as far as the car boot or the dustbins with clear audio even the washing line.

You need to stop op.
Literally. Just. Stop.
You’re unintentionally being a martyr. I was one too for 15 years until I had a complete mental breakdown, my family had no choice but to pull their fingers out then.
Time to put your foot down with the kids. You don’t need to ‘butt heads’, just introduce consequences. They can get themselves up in the morning for a start. How far away is the school? Is there an alternative way for them to get there to save you another hour? I’m assuming that they have smart phones/rely on you to pay for subscriptions. Give them a list of chores (sorting out pets in the morning for eg), if it doesn’t get done then they don’t get today’s WiFi password/they get no money for their phone subscription. If they don’t pitch in with the housework on the weekend then they get no pocket money. You don’t need to fight with them, you’ll still have to do it if they refuse, but they don’t get a free ride anymore. Personally I use the go Henry app to get mine to help with chores. They actually fight over wanting to do the worst ones because they earn them the most money. I’ve attached a pic of just a small amount of tasks I’ve allocated that they do weekly, there’s not much I do nowadays in the house apart from the school run for the youngest and cook dinner. My eldest is 11 and is actually up in the morning 45 minutes before me and gets herself to school in the morning. You need to just stop.

I’m a single mum too, with 2 DC and a pressurised full time job. I pay someone to mow the lawn, my children know that Sundays is when they have to pitch in - clean their rooms, put away clean clothes etc and a while ago I stopped getting them up for school - it’s now their responsibility to set alarms, get to school etc (although I do still do fancy hair styles/braids if asked!), I now do one online shop a week and what doesn’t get bought we do without til the following week, I’m currently looking into getting a cleaner just for a few hours a week and to be really honest, my standards are lower than I’d like them to be. My bathroom probably isn’t cleaned as often as it should be, I iron nothing, the car is filthy etc. I’m still knackered a lot of the time but figure I’d be even more so without trying a few ways to mitigate the situation. A few changes could make a heap of difference to how you feel. Good luck!