Don’t enjoy life in the moment.....only in retrospect!

[Youngatheart00]

I’m starting to think there’s something seriously wrong with me!

As the title suggests, I struggle to feel any enjoyment from experiences in the moment but when I look back I do so with nostalgia and remember those times as happy times.

I remember Russell Brand (of all people) saying about holidays that they’re not really a holiday as you and your brain are still there. That’s exactly how I feel. But then when I look back at holidays DH and I have had they seem absolutely incredible.

I dread family get togethers and get very anxious before seeing friends (not that there has been much of that the past year or so). I’m usually pretty ‘life and soul’ at gatherings but then it drains me and inside I feel anxious and empty.

Perhaps this has worsened during lockdown as I’ve been so much more nostalgic but also fearful about getting back out there, the feeling of dread is immense

Have I actually lost the plot?

I used to feel like that a bit. I can clearly remember going on holiday etc with the kids and ex dh and it feeling stressful and not really enjoying it, but I also still think of those times simultaneously with nostalgia.

I was depressed I think during the time the DC were quite little, plus extremely tired constantly as we both worked more than full time and had two under 2-so I was low-probably without even realising it and I could never live in the moment.

Nowadays I feel a bit better and I realise I can experience things and enjoy them in the moment so to speak, in a way I didn't before.

Sometimes a bit of low level anxiety or depression can make you feel that way I think?

Im the same op and having therapy to try and work out why I'm like this...

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, I just want to be able to enjoy things in the moment, without being low level anxious about something simultaneously

I'm the same and think it especially happens to those of us who suffer from (especially low-level) anxiety or depression. Looking back, we only re-live the actual experience, not any mental anguish we felt at the time. Our mind tends to forget that we were worried, stressed, under the weather, etc.

Obviously, if we were going through a horrendous time mentally then the experience would be completely marred by that, which is why I specified low-level.

Yes I have this, I’ve been aware of it for some years now so I have the added annoyance of knowing I will feel this way in the future so trying to appreciate now (and usually failing miserably).

The thing Russel Brand said- yes . It’s like “wherever I go, there I am”.

It sounds like you might be struggling OP. Are you finding it hard to be ‘in the moment’ and you have your thought wander into ‘what ifs’? You’re almost describing not switching off your brain when you’re away. It could be anxiety, I would suggest you talk to your GP or find a therapist tbh. I know it’s easy to feel like it’s ’not that bad’ but it’s affecting you daily and you can’t relax which is no way to live.

I have had times where I feel the same, and others where I go away and feel completely at ease. I know that all the times where I couldn’t switch off I was depressed and completely consumed by my own brain in a way. You’re definitely not alone OP.

Same here. Diagnosed with anxiety. You’re not alone, love.

I’m very similar. Also had depression for a very long time, manageable for a lot of the time. Anxiety for the past few years. It’s like I can’t get out of my own head and be in the moment. Yet I look back with different eyes.

Do you feel pressure to be the life and soul of a party? If you went and just relaxed, maybe became the 'listener' in those situations would you enjoy it more? Or would people think something was wrong?

When I say life and soul...I’m not the loud annoying one by any stretch, but people do expect me to be smiley and funny and entertaining...which I do, but it takes a huge effort. On the odd occasion I’ve taken a step back and just tried to be ‘present’ I’ve had concerned messages asking why I’m quiet.

It’s been so long since I’ve socialised due to covid that I’d love to press the reset button and just enjoy whatever I’m doing at that moment.