Deferred Nursing Uni course and now regretting it?

[bingsulaflop]

Hello,

I posted this in the uni forum area but wanted some extra views and thought it might gain more responses.

I was just wanting another person's perspective and advice on this please.

I started an Adult Nursing course September 2020 and did my first placement for a couple of weeks and felt totally out of my depth. As to not drip feed I was a SAHM before this (DS is now nearly 3) and he was in nursery 4 days a week.

The mix of being away from DS for sometimes 3-4 days at a time took its toll and caused me to be upset and want to leave. Now thinking about it there was other reasons - I loved the course and could see myself doing that and felt like I was really achieving so much for mine and my little ones future. But soon I got really hung up on confidence issues (I have major anxiety and general confidence issues in anyways) so I know this contributed. I didn't meet my mentor like I was hoping and usually you're meant to (they're your support and shadow on the placement) and I just felt totally lost.

I have only deferred my place and I'm currently working for a care home doing administration until I figure out what to do, but the thoughts of wanting to return to university are something that's on my mind every day. I know hindsight can teach you so much and I regret leaving. My problem is thinking what if it gets too much again?
I feel if I went back (I would just be returning to do the course all over again) then what if it's too much again.

I was only in year 1 of the course just for reference.

Any advice or outside views would be wonderful!

Is there an option to do the course part time? You might feel less thrown into the deep end if you're not working flat-out on the course and the placements.

You say you work in a care home in an admin role - could you try and get a role as a carer, or better still as a care assistant in a hospital? That will give you practical experience for the course and might mean you don't feel as out of your depth when you start on placements. It may give you a better idea of whether you really want to do the course or not.

Are there any other universities in the area that you could look into, compare course content etc? The open uni also does a BSc Nursing programme IIRC, though not sure how placements work (if there are any).

If I were in your position, I would try and get a caring/care assistant job for at least the next academic year (from Sep). After all, if you go back straight away and have to leave again, this could take an even bigger toll on your mental health. Also, uni won't go anywhere in the next few years! I think it'd better to go in with more confidence, and if that takes another year or so to gain, I think it would be worth it.

This is just my opinion based on mine and some friends' fairly similar experiences and worries.

Was wondering what age your DS is and just saw that he's nearly 3 - could it be worth waiting until he's in school if that is a big issue for you?

Thank you for your reply @sourrain
He's nearly three years old and starts school next year when he's four.. this was my original plan but I can't defer another year (I would have to leave and apply again) where as I won't be guaranteed a place if the spaces are in high demand (there's only one university near me that's feasible for travelling)

I have wonderful home support, I just had major mum guilt and (should have) explored options like FaceTiming on my breaks when he's home from nursery as to not leave so long between seeing him

I hear you. Was it due to COVID that you did not meet your mentor? Would this perhaps be different if you started this year?

If you do want to start again this year due to your deferred place - does the university offer any sort of support for your anxiety? Could you set up regular communication schedules with your home to keep you feeling grounded and so you can see your DS? Your admin role may well get you more used to being apart and so you can build up from there?

In all honesty I don't see any reason why you wouldn't get accepted again if you were to reapply but I completely understand your concerns around this.

I don't have the answer, of course - can only talk about what I've seen and heard from others in similar situations - but I sympathise with you. I left a uni course years ago; I had some issues going on at the time and like you felt totally out of my depth. I did end up going back after a while (albeit at a different uni so not completely the same situation) and it was a totally different experience and I loved it. But I can sort of understand how you must be feeling now. The fact your experience hasn't thwarted your enthusiasm and want for the course is a great sign that you'll succeed once you're there.

If you suffer from major anxiety then you really need to think hard about whether Nursing is right for you because it really is one of the most anxiety causing careers you can do - trust me I do know because I was a Nurse for 35 years and actually ended up with severe anxiety which i did not have when I started ! Maybe have some therapy / CBT and get the anxiety under control and then think again about whether it is the career for you.

Reading this, I have to agree with Babyroobs, I was a nurse too and it was very stressful. The responsibility, tiredness of 12 hour shifts and understaffing really took a toll on me. I was glad to get out.

I didn't know I had a problem with anxiety until I worked as a nurse!

I have a child the same age and would really struggle with not seeing them for 3-4 days on a regular basis every week. I’d be tempted to choose another career and go to uni for that, but that’s because I’m not desperate to be a nurse. Is nursing something you really want?

Have you looked at occupational therapy or speech and language? I really wish Idretrained in OT!

How many weeks of the course did you do?

What do you think will be different if you start it all again this September?

I was doing a similar degree. I have anxiety and had to leave the course in the end. I really regret it, but honestly anxiety and being a healthcare professional along with working long hours and shift work really don’t mix unfortunately 😔

I'd echo what the previous poster said - have you thought of other healthcare professions? Nursing has a huge amount of placement hours and challenging shift patterns etc. AHPs have less placement hours and generally much better shift patterns.

In the kindest way possible....leaving your child for 3 or 4 days a week is what most nurses have to do. That won't necessarily change once you have qualified. You will likely have to work Christmas sometimes. It does have the benefit of 3 or 4 days off a week whilst still working full time hours and being able to organise your rota around school plays or big events. But the hours of a student nurse and a qualified nurse will be similar (although you won't have the same academic workload once qualified).

I agree with previous poster that some experience in a health support work role with help your confidence in the hospitals environment. It will let you earn whilst gaining invaluable experience. There is no right and wrong answer here. Follow your gut.

Just to add my voice to others here..major anxiety and nursing are a poor mix. I am a nurse and university lecturer (nursing). There are some positions within nursing that are less stressful than others, but largely, you carry a lot of responsibility and need to be at the top of your game always when you are on shift, or very bad things can happen to people.

Nurse here.

The mix of being away from DS for sometimes 3-4 days at a time took its toll and caused me to be upset and want to leave.
This must be so hard: I was single and childless when I did my training, and still found it exhausting at times. Once you qualify, you will have the option of working part time, but the majority (though not all!) of nursing jobs involve long unsocial shifts. Most placements should hopefully also be flexible with you when you say you have children.

Now thinking about it there was other reasons - I loved the course and could see myself doing that and felt like I was really achieving so much for mine and my little ones future. But soon I got really hung up on confidence issues (I have major anxiety and general confidence issues in anyways) so I know this contributed.
Like posters have advised above, I would recommend looking into help for your anxiety ASAP. That's not to say that you can't be a nurse if you have anxiety: I do and I think the majority of my nursing friends do. But you need to figure out what helps for you. There's a saying that if you listen to your mental health while it's whispering, you won't have to listen to it screaming. I went into nursing quite naive about how stressful it could be and the effect that it could have on my own health, and in hindsight I wish I had looked into coping strategies (talking therapies, CBT, exercise, mindfulness) much earlier. Confidence wise, is that in general or is work related? Have you worked in health or social care before? Are you/could you get on the bank for healthcare assistants at the hospital where you will have your placements? That will really help to build your confidence of working with people and build up your basic skills (basic but essential!) of things like personal care, patient observations, documentation. Plus working on new wards will force you to get out of your comfort zone and hopefully help your confidence...though there will probably be some wards that you will refuse to go back to, been there, done that, but the beauty of bank work is you pick and chose where you work....most of the time.

I didn't meet my mentor like I was hoping and usually you're meant to (they're your support and shadow on the placement) and I just felt totally lost.
Okay, now I'm to sound like a bit of a bitch here, but this is to give you the other perspective of what it's like to be the qualified nurse who is mentoring students. I often have no idea that I am getting a student to mentor (welcome to the organisation of the NHS), and so unless they come and find me out and introduce themselves and explain that I'm their mentor, I am literally oblivious that I am meant to mentor them. One student didn't speak to me until two full weeks into her placement and was upset that I hadn't done her inital paperwork with her: I didn't know I was her mentor! I would strongly advise you to ring your placements in advance of starting, and ask to speak to your mentor so that you can introduce yourself and ask them if there's anything you could read up on before starting and about the off duty etc. Although be aware that you no longer have to work a certain amount of shifts with your mentor now (recently changed by the NMC requirements), so be open to working with other members of staff. Ask questions, appear interested in the answers and show a bit of enthusiasm for patient care and you should be fine with most people. BUT, be warned that a lot of nurses are actually quite bitchy. Compassion fatigue is a real thing, and some placements you probably will encounter nurses who are downright bitter. Not much advice for that, just be prepared and try not to take it personally.