I strongly suspect this is something I'm going to need to unpick in therapy but I've just had a lightning bulb moment where I realise I constantly feel that I am responsible for the happiness of other people. I'm the oldest of 5 siblings and grew up in a complicated home. My DM clearly adored us and was always very affectionate and loving but she had huge emotional problems from an abusive childhood and had several nervous breakdowns. My DF was emotionally abusive and could be very cold; if DM ever offended him he would just not speak to her for weeks on end and the atmosphere was horrific. I also for various reasons I won't go into suspect him of intentionally getting her pregnant to keep her under his thumb. She left him when I was 15 but the scars from growing up with him are still there. To this day, in my early thirties, I cannot settle if my DM is unhappy. I cannot settle if my sisters are unhappy either, but the feeling of responsbility towards my DM is extraordinarily acute. My DH was raised in a household where no one spoke about feelings and his communication about emotional stuff is crap although he really does try. But every time HE is in a bad mood I feel as panicky as I did every time I was a child and my DF was in one of his silent treatment phases (DH has never given me the silent treatment FYI). I feel it's my job to fix it if he's upset.
I know this isn't remotely healthy and I fear it is distracting me from my responsbility to the only person whose happiness I actually AM responsible for - my five year old DS.
I wondered if anyone else had similar experience and if it was something you've managed to overcome. I'm really feeling like I need counselling at the moment but I'm struggling to even find anyone privately with availability that suits me.